Sifting through the Wreckage: The Need for Self-care after Tragedy

Tragedy is defined as “a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster.” Yep. That about sums it up. Unfortunately, there is not one person who can avoid tragedy. The degree of tragedy is both perceived and real and can only be determined by the person experiencing it. This also means that the methods of coping, mending and moving on will vary.

 Regardless of the type or level of tragedy, self-care needs take place.

 While I am not a doctor or psychologist, I have had a lot of experience as a CPS Social Worker, Behavior Specialist and teacher, working with others that have faced various degrees of trauma. I have seen the spirals. I have connected people with resources and watched them recover and mend. I’ve been the advocate, the shoulder to cry on and the voice of reason.

 I will be perfectly honest that it has been really difficult being on this side of tragedy. 3 months ago my world was changed. I have always been the “fixer” and I have since found myself not being able to fix anything.  I also know that the unhealthy eating habits, unaddressed emotions and situational avoidance that I’ve been dealing with are not proactive ways to care for myself.

 The week of Christmas, we took the kids out to look at Christmas lights. On the way, I, yet again, found my mind wandering back to October 11^th. I was revisited by the sights and smells. I could hear the sounds…the screams, the cries. I could hear my own voice pleading to God. Crying is a typical response for me these days, and, as my husband asked if I was okay, I finally admitted that no, I was not okay.

 It was time for me to do what I have helped others do for years. I needed to take care of myself.

 Self-care looks different for everyone. During that drive, on what should be a joyful, fun filled evening, I sifted through what I and my husband felt needed to be addressed.

-Emotional eating

-Avoidance

-Nightmares and flashbacks

-Triggers

After sifting through these things with my husband, we both agreed that I would benefit from counseling.

So what does my self-care look like?

I have been counseling with my pastor and now, a licensed counselor.

I have been attempting to regain a control of my eating. I have been planning my meals again, shopping for low-carb options, and meal prepping.

I have been slowly working my way back into small group settings.

I have been praying…a lot. My prayers have been transformed since October 11^th. God has revealed Himself in new ways and I have learned so much about His character. He has grown me in the most unexpected ways.

My Beauty from Ashes Journal-I have been keeping a journal. At the top of the page I have titled it Beauty from Ashes. It is a running list of all of the good things that have come from this tragedy. On the days when I cannot see past the tears, a look at the list of blessings that have stemmed from the heartache, bring me back to God’s goodness.

This is what self-care currently looks like in my life.

Whatever self-care needs to look like for you, please take the first step forward. Seek out professional help or a trusted friend that will guide you through the process. There is no shame in taking care of yourself. There is no shame in seeking out help for what is altering your life. Tragedy takes on many forms and so does self-care.

What I’ve learned up to this point is that it is better not to wait. In order to move forward, you have to take the first step. I’ve also learned that the first step should not be taken alone. Rally the support you need, even if that can only begin with one person. You will make it through this. You really will be okay…maybe not now, but one day. You will be okay.

Psalms 62:5-8

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. Oh my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.

Two Months After Tragedy

I realize the blog has been particularly quiet lately. We have had a lot of life happening and I just could not justify missing it to sit in front of my laptop. I hope to be slowing down. There is a lot I want to share…things I feel I need to share.

Beauty from the ashes.

December 11^th marked two months since the tragedy. Two months. It has been an amount of time that both seems so short and so long ago at the same time.

It has been two months of recovery, physically, emotionally and mentally. There are moments that I feel like I’ve come so far in the way that I have been coping and then there are moments when a sound or smell triggers a memory that sends my mind whirling back to the day. My heart races. The adrenaline shoots through my veins. I find myself shaking.

In those moments, I frantically seek for the familiar. I look or listen for something that brings me back to my reality. Fortunately, I find it.

Over the last month it has become fairly evident that it is assumed that I am back to “normal”. I suppose because of my personality, it should just be natural for me to jump back into life as it was before. However, life is not like it was before. To those who think it has all been “fixed” and I am “better”…please, give me more time without judgement.

In a recent session with my pastor and his wife, we discussed my grief and how this event has changed my life. It is not something I want to “just forget” and move on from. It is my new normal and it is shaping who I believe God is wanting me to become.

I have been reading through Holley Gerth’s book, You’re Goingto Be Okay. I have been amazed at how, with each chapter, the content is precisely what I need for what I am experiencing. Here are a couple of gems I have been mulling over the last couple of days…

“It’s clear he wants us to thrive. He longs to bless us, yearns to bring us joy, stops at nothing to make sure we have an opportunity to experience life to the full…those places of pain are not where we’re made to dwell” (p.112)

“Jesus said, ‘I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full’ John 10:10. He didn’t say an easy life. He didn’t say a self-indulgent life where all your wishes are granted. He didn’t say a life free from pain. But he did say a full life. One of joy, peace, love, and hope. It’s not only possible---it’s promised” (p.117)

I know there are still some who are not familiar with what has happened and in time, I believe that part of my testimony will be shared. October 11^th has become a part of me. However, as the Lord continues to remind me, it is not who I am. The flashbacks and the nightmares are not where I am meant to dwell. God does not mean for me to live without joy and happiness.

If you are going through a season of grief, sadness or pain, remember, while it may not seem as such, it is only temporary. This truth has become prevalent as we head into this Christmas season. Jesus Himself was no stranger to the aches in this life. After all, it is why He came. His descent from Heaven to Earth was to bring the promise of Hope and Joy. In knowing the days we would face ahead, God knew we would need something to cling to. That Hope came in the form of a baby in a manger. It came in the form of a man, leading a perfect, sinless life, who would later die for the sins and imperfections of all. It came in the form of a Savior on a cross, who would breathe His last breath to give us Life.

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save
the world through him.”
John 3:17

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Treading the Waves

How are you doing? This has become the most frequently, awkwardly asked question in my life. The questioning comes with sincerity. The awkwardness comes from an inward place. I struggle with how to respond. I am not one to sugar coat things and honesty has always been the best policy…but I know people want to hear that I’m fine. I know they want to hear that I’m doing okay.

 In a lot of ways I am.

I am remaining grateful. I am learning the meaning of true grace. I am sleeping at night. My appetite has returned. I do not cry all day, every day anymore.

So, in comparison, I am doing better.

And yet, in a lot of ways I am not.

I struggle with enjoying the good things in my life. I know His grace is what I need, especially during this time, but it is hard to accept. I sleep, but sometimes the dreams are haunting. My appetite has returned but I’m not caring for myself the way I was before…I’m way off track. I do not cry all day, but I cry most days.

 There is a lot of healing still ahead. The physical pain comes and goes these days. At times, normal tasks are still difficult and by the end of the day, I need an ice pack and/or ibuprofen.

 I’ve come along way though in almost 3 weeks. I’ve accepted that I need to embrace a new normal, and I will…it will just take time.

 Lately, when people ask how I’m doing, the most honest answer I can muster without going into detail that will make them regret asking is, “it comes in waves.” It is the best way to describe how life is right now. I remember my first trip to the ocean and my first experience in the waves. There were moments of fun and laughter as I jumped into each wave, feeling it rush past my body. Then, in a split second, I was knocked down…pulled down by the undertow as the waves washed over me. One moment I was happy, enjoying every second of sunshine and the next I was fighting for air.

Waves. It comes in waves.

As I’ve searched for solice in scripture, I’ve run across so many verses that have brought comfort. Some are typical of what one would cling to during difficult times, but then there are ones like this that just hit my heart.

“He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea.”

Job 9:8

Job is describing God. He is the Creator. He made the heavens and placed the stars in the sky. But it was the second part of the verse that caught me. “[He] treads on the waves of the sea.” Those waves that held me captive for moments without air shift at His command. They cause Him no worry. As the waves of grief crash over me, He is fully aware. He treads those waves. He goes before me. He knows the pain I feel. He understands the angst that leaves me unsettled. He sees the waves before they hit. He knows they are coming and acts in mighty ways to help keep me afloat.

He prompts a friend to text or call. He designates days for cards of encouragement in the mail. He knows whose hugs I need. He orchestrates the perfect song on the radio.

 He treads the waves and does not allow me to stay under for long. The waves hit but He is quick to respond and pull me up and with each hit and recovery, I grow stronger.

By His might, I will stand my ground where hope can be found…

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It's Come to This...

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In 2011 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It's a dirty diagnosis that could mean a vast variety of things with even more variations of symptoms. While there were many things I did not know about this syndrome, I was made aware that it may be the culprit behind our inability to become pregnant. After being told by my doctor that she couldn't do anything more for us other than refer us to an infertility specialist, we opted to get a second opinion.

I did some research and chose the doctor I would see. During this time, we prayed that we'd make the right choice in doctors and that we'd know the right choices thereafter when we'd come upon times to make decisions. God granted us immediate peace the moment I met with my new practice. The nurses were super knowledgeable about my condition, the doctors were wise, compassionate and empathetic. We were immediately put at ease. Blood work was ordered, meds were trial and error, failed attempts, promising signs and cycle monitoring were our lives.

Over time we battled our infertility,  not once, but twice, and fortunately, God gifted us two beautiful miracles. We count ourselves so blessed.

Through it all I couldn't help but question, "why us?" Over the course of the last year that reason has become more and more clear, and tonight will be yet another piece of this journey. My dear friend and I will begin an infertility support group and bible study. I am grateful for the few women who will be joining us and I am hoping that others will follow.

I now see that part of all the heartache, waiting and growth has brought me to this. I am amazed and humbled that God would call me from the ashes of such a difficult time in my life to share the beauty of His goodness and healing with others. I want to share the hope that can only come from Him. I want them to remember that He is bigger than any diagnosis. I want to provide comfort and encouragement to those whose hearts are riddled with questions and fears. I want them to have what I didn't.

Little did I know, even just a couple months ago, that all of that would come to this.

Linking up for Thoughts for Thursday

When You're Not a Mom on Mother's Day

This quote popped up on my TimeHop app the other morning and as soon as I read it, I knew exactly why I had shared it.

The quote came during a time in our infertility struggle that I was losing hope, tired of the fight and could only hope, pray and dream that one day Mother's Day would hold a new meaning for me. Of course I celebrated my amazing mother. I would not be who I am without her...but as I sat in the church pew that Mother's Day morning, I could only think about how much my heart ached to be a mother. I was not envious of the flowers or cards. I was not jealous of the recognition. I was sad. My heart longed to know motherhood.

That Mother's Day came and went. I shed the same tears that I had shed the year before and I prayed desperately for the Lord to answer my prayers. To our unexpected joy and delight, He did answer that prayer later that year.

I'll never forget the moment I held our little girl for the first time. It was at that moment that I knew everyday would be Mother's Day. I would celebrate this joy forever. The Lord had heard my prayer and answered my request with a blessing beyond our dreams.

Mother's Day 2013

As I type this, I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with another miracle...another answer to prayer. We ran into similar issues in trying to conceive this sweet little boy and I cherish God's blessing. I rejoice in what He has done. As my heart rejoices over this little life that is growing inside of me and over the fiery redheaded little girl that calls me "Mommy", I cannot help but remember those years of longing and sadness...those years my heart felt so empty on Mother's Day.

For those of you who find yourselves feeling that same ache and feeling that same frustration, remember you are not alone. While you stare longingly at the little ones around you, remember that there is a special plan for your life. I had to be reminded of that daily. I also had to be reminded that God has great plans for the little lives that He brings into this world and that those lives will be conceived in the womb and delivered into the world at His appointed time for His miraculous purpose. While these truths are real and are meant to be reassuring, we won't always feel their comfort.

I say these things to encourage you to not lose hope. Open your heart to what God has for you and daily prepare yourself to accept His blessing when it comes. Be open to how He may bring children into your home. Our sweet little ones don't always come from our own wombs.

I say these things to also remind you that just because you are not a mom (yet) on Mother's Day does not make you any less of a woman. You were designed with a purpose and your story is far from over. It took me a long time to grasp that God was developing and furthering a part of my testimony that would later used to help others. I have since been able to share my battles of infertility and the hope that the Lord gives in the midst of the ache with others. I have seen God fill wombs that once were barren. I have cried and laughed with women who never thought joy could be found in such a painful plight.  I have seen true miracles occur and I have seen what faith can do.

May 2015
 

Mourn this Mother's Day if you must. It's okay, but please, please don't lose hope. Find a way to keep looking forward. Keep dreaming. Embrace the now while anticipating the future. Your miracle may be just a moment away...

 

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When It's Your Turn: The Other Side of Infertility

You've prayed. You've tasted bitterness. You've remained hopeful. You've fought against the odds. And then...you want to give up. You want to throw your hands in the air because you don't understand why it seems everyone around you can have a baby and you can't. You battle these emotions day in and day out.

Fast forward (in slow motion) and a miraculous things happens. You...the one wondering if your prayers will ever be answered in the way that you hoped, are pregnant. Those two beautiful pink lines bring a plethora of emotions. You struggle with disbelief and complete elation. You want to tell everyone and no one at the same time. Your dreams are becoming a reality.

I must say that my emotions and experiences regarding both the conception of my daughter and, now, this precious miracle have been all of those things and more. It's crazy to think that after all someone with infertility goes through that she could feel anything but complete joy...and yet, it becomes so much more.


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This new journey comes with a mixed bag of emotions. Your excitement can become tainted with other less pleasant emotions. I struggled greatly...and still struggle with these things.

One of the most difficult emotions to combat is guilt.

It's hard to get beyond this one. I've been fortunate enough to have a beautiful support group this time around. The three of us have been praying for each other, hoping and wishing on every star for one another to become pregnant. It's what we all want for each other...so why the guilt? It's the flip side of the "why she and not me?" It becomes the "Praise God for me, but why not she?" I so desperately want all of us to share this experience. I want each of them to know the excitement and worry and all of the crazy good that is pregnancy and motherhood. But alas, I can't change what is. It is very hard to tell those most close to you...those women who have walked this journey with you, that you are now pregnant. I have been fortunate to have their full love and support but it is still very difficult to tell them something that you know will bring pain to their hearts, despite the sincere happiness they have for you. I've been on that side. I know the feeling.



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Another feeling that I, and many others, experience is jealousy. Say what?! I know what you're thinking. I'm pregnant. Move on! I know, I know. It's so hard to explain but the words "we weren't even trying" or "it happened our first time" still bring a sting to my heart. While I rejoice in our blessing, there is still that achy part of me that wishes our journey to our miracle was not so laden with tears.



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I also struggle with worry. My PCOS puts me at a higher risk for miscarriage. At the time of this post, I am 4 months pregnant. I've felt my little one move a few times and my growing belly shows promise. These things are amazing and wonderful, but I still worry. I still worry about the health of our unborn child. I worry about what may or may not happen. I have to daily place our sweet babe in the Lord's hands.



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Now, before you get bogged down in the less than desirable things...I confess that my heart is so full and my soul continually rejoices over the miracle that I carry. God has blessed our little family with another child and for that I will be forever grateful.

Throughout your infertility journey you will face multiple ups and downs. The most important thing is to not lose heart and to never give up. You're miracle may be right around the corner...and remember, no matter how you decide to fill your home with the pitter patter of little feet, you will be blessed.



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Bump to Birth: The Back Story

I knew I wanted to blog about our journey with infertility and I wanted to serve as a source of hope for those who continue to struggle with its life altering effects. I wish I had been blogging in the years leading up to the conception and birth of our daughter, but alas, my blog began when she was born and I decided to fill some of my maternity leave with documenting memories for our family and friends. Since then, I've been sharing my thoughts and life events.

Many assumed that because we (finally) were able to conceive our daughter that we'd have no problem trying to get pregnant again. A lot people may still not be aware of all that we went through to conceive our precious gem. We unfortunately, and fortunately, had the same issues and challenges in trying to conceive Baby #2. You can read about our struggle here and my thoughts on various infertility hurdles here.

When we began TTC our next child, we chose a life verse to pray while we waited and throughout the remainder of our child's life. We chose a life verse for our daughter and I was led to another verse to pray for this child. Job 5:9 became my prayer as we eagerly awaited the Lord to fulfill our dreams of adding to our family. Little did we know that this verse would completely encompass everything regarding this baby. I look forward to sharing more about that with you in the days to come.


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We began this second journey knowing that my lack of ovulation, lengthy cycles and skewed hormone levels would once again pose problems. We tried for a bit on our own but in tracking my cycles, it was evident that the issues were still prevalent. I began Metformin to help level things out (no, I don't have diabetes). We were hopeful that it would help achieve enough balance that I could conceive without anything further.

Months went by with no success or cycle regulation. I was put on Clomid to help me ovulate.  After several cycles of no success (and did I mention I had already lost about 20lbs to help move things along?) we were told we had one more round and, if not successful,  we'd have to try a more invasive approach. My hubby and I had long prayed about what we should do and we felt that adoption would be our next step.  We weren't comfortable with any further treatments, nor could we afford most of them since all things infertility are not covered by insurance.

October was a crazy month.  We had a lot riding on this round of meds. Of course, on the day I got my positive ovulation test I also came down with a random YI. I just knew we were out. My pH levels were out of whack and his swimmers didn't stand a chance. There was also no clear thermal shift on my chart to indicate ovulation had even occurred. I allowed myself to be sad and then moved on.

I had been feeling off and slightly nauseous the week of October 27th. I knew we were out but I had a couple of cheap test strips and thought I'd use one for kicks. On the 30th I tested and there was a VERY faint line. It was so faint that I thought I was probably just seeing things. The next day I woke up hopeful for some reason and picked up a pregnancy test on my way to work. When I got there I tested.  I could not believe my eyes! Science would say this was a very unlikely situation...but my God is bigger than any of this and He made it possible.

So, it is with great joy that I say we are currently expecting our newest miracle in July and I'll be using my Bump to Birth posts to document the milestones and memories of this pregnancy. With that being said, if you are dealing with infertility and such updates are difficult for you (because I totally understand that exact thing) please feel free to bypass posts under this heading.

I'll soon be catching up on our progress thus far. Until then, I leave you with this thought...

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Linking Up

Walking with Gideon

To say I'm over these infertility issues would be an understatement. This week has been very challenging for a variety of reasons and the emotional roller coaster has taken its toll. As I was driving to work the other morning I felt this urging to read the story of Gideon. It has been a long time since I've ventured into the book of Judges to read his story and I felt it all really random...but God is not random. As I've begun to revisit Gideon's story I've been reminded of the story's themes of struggle, hope, faith, fear, courage and the ability to overcome. These are common themes along the journey of infertility as well. I still wasn't sure what God would have for me...how on Earth could an account about a man defeating armies connect with my female aches for wanting a child? I'm not sure where this scripture study will take me but I'm already captivated by the things that God has brought to light. I hope you'll join me as I walk with Gideon through his story.

I hope to post my thoughts about my study as I go. It is also my hope that you'll find something to connect with and that you'll find, like me, that God can use any circumstance for His glory if we're willing to trust Him.

Judges 6:1-10

To give a little background, the Israelites had been delivered into the hands of the Midianites for the wickedness of their people. The Israelites were so fearful of the Midianites that they hid themselves in the mountain caves. Their crops and livestock were destroyed or taken by the armies and finally, as a last ditch effort for survival, they called out to God for help. (vs. 1-6)

How often do we try and take things into our own hands only to be left with nothing? Far to frequently I find myself trying to control those things in which I have no control and I end up only making matters worse. Instead of binding my heart to the Word, I hide myself in moments of emotional eating, sadness, bitterness and anxiety. It is in these moments that I find myself (finally) calling out to the Lord. It seems ridiculous to go to God as a last resort than as our first and best option...and yet we do. Cursed human nature.

I'm a Type A person and I thrive on structure and predictability. Did I ever think I'd have trouble conceiving a child? No. I had a plan and waiting through countless failed efforts does not fair well for someone with my lack of patience. God has grown me in ways that I could not imagine through this infertility journey and I know that I still have so much to learn. He is far from done with me. Our God is a loving and gracious God and because of these things, He allows us to make our choices. I can choose to wallow in sadness with each failed cycle or I can go to Him with my heartache and allow Him to mend that which is broken. Neither of these options are easy but it makes sense to choose the one that will have the most beneficial outcome.

As I read through the beginnings of this chapter I couldn't help but think about our current infertility struggles. I'm becoming emotionally spent. Infertility can have an oppressive power. It affects every aspect of your life. It can affect the way you eat, spend your time and money and how you look and feel about your future.

Like the Israelites, we often lose sight of the blessings we've already received (vs. 8-9). We forget the countless times that He has delivered us. The Israelites also turned their worship towards pagan gods. I'll be honest, when facing infertility it's very easy to get caught up in putting your faith and hope into other things...all of which hold promise to help you bear children...such as medications, doctors, alternative medicine and treatments, etc. I've often found myself placing so much hope into the medication I take or the way in which my cycle chart looks that I lose sight of God's hand in the situation. Do you see the common misstep (vs. 7-10)? Like the ancients, I know my God is amazing and can do all things and yet I don't always place my faith and hope in the One who can fill my heart's desires. He is my deliverer and has an amazing plan for my life if only I will allow Him to lead me.

In just a few short verses I have been challenged in some amazing ways.

-Where am I trying to hide?

-Where is my hope, really?

-How would it feel to allow God to take control and rest in His sovereignty?

Maybe you are facing similar circumstances. I encourage you to join me in this study of Gideon. There is no doubt that there are more treasures to be uncovered.



If Today Had a Play List...

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It was one of those days...the kind where you catch moments. These are moments you live daily but for some reason today you become acutely aware of the "now". Today, those moments that made up my day seemed to bring song with them. Music has always served as an avenue of worship and self expression. Maybe it's God's way of bringing some healing to a heart that has been aching. Maybe it's my soul longing to reconnect. Whatever the reason, I thought I'd share the music that has made today's play list.

These songs either literally came to mind at the moment or later in the day as I was reflecting. It's possible these songs were meant to be shared today...from my heart's play list to your ears...

This morning I woke up feeling like I had just laid down. G did not sleep like normal and I can always tell a difference in both of us. The morning was beautiful and God's goodness was evident, even with my tired eyes. How deep is His love for me...

How Deep the Father's Love for Us-Selah

Driving into town midday the emotions of the week caught up with me. My husband had Scotty McCreery in the CD player. When I turned up the volume, this song came on...it was just the reminder that I needed...there is so much to be thankful for...even those things that to the outside world may seem a burden. I'm thankful for dirty dishes...

Dirty Dishes-Scotty McCreery

I came home, unloaded the groceries and got G a snack. She was in need of a nap after a long morning. I never get tired of those quiet moments in the rocking chair. I know some day she'll out grow my lap but until then I'll savor every moment. I've sung this song to her since she was in the womb...

Mother Like Mine-The Band Perry

I've had dishes and laundry staring me in the face all afternoon...but how can I say no to uninterrupted time with my toddling babe. She's recently found a love for dancing and why I sang this song to her I don't know...but it popped in my head and she thoroughly enjoyed dancing with Mommy in the kitchen...(and in my defense...I only sang parts of it and made up lyrics just for my girl).

Hey Ya!-OutKast

We made it through the afternoon without any meltdowns or glitches (other than I have been losing everything today...nothing has been where I thought I left it ::sigh::) We finally made our way to the couch to wind down before bedtime. She picked out a color for her toenails and while I painted her little piggies we watched some classic Winnie the Pooh and I admit, every time I hear that little bear sing this song it takes me back to my childhood...



The Little Black Rain Cloud-Winnie the Pooh

I had some personal moments today where that all too familiar sadness made it's way into my heart. I hate this ache...this song has been and remains a comfort to me when the "what ifs" arise...



Hope Now-Addison Road

As a new cycle begins, without any assistance this go around, I'm feeling pretty disheartened knowing that my body does not do what it's supposed to on its own. It's frustrating but I also know that it's a time like this that God could use to show His ultimate power. Only He can bless our home with another child and if I need to take this time to grow, wait, and continue to hope than I will. Whenever I find myself longing for what has yet to come, this song is usually in the back of my mind...even though I've yet to meet the one that I believe God will bring into our lives, it's as if I've already loved him/her for a thousand years...

A Thousand Years-Christina Perri

As the rain passes through this evening, I sit in a quiet house. My hubby has been gone for 3 days now and I eagerly await his return tomorrow. This last song came to me as I was trying to tidy the house. It encompasses so many good things that are my life. Despite my dreams and the hope I have for what may or may not come, I have been blessed...these blessings include an amazing husband, a home to call my own, a beautiful daughter, a career I love, and a God who never quits, never gives up on me, and provides all that I could ever need and more...He is truly the heart of my world.



Heart of the World-Lady Antebellum