I have to preface this. We are far from perfect parents as is our toddler. However, we've found a few things that actually seem to be working in our parenting, and one of them is raising a child with manners. It goes without saying that she still has her moments. We've had a few fits and the typical testing of boundaries, but her manners continue to increase. In fact, she's at the point that we rarely have to prompt the appropriate response.
Here are a few tips that we feel have helped us get to this point.
1. Set the example. If you want your child to naturally begin to pick up on the please and thank you cues, you need to be using them yourself. As a teacher, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I'm always astonished at how many children don't even think to use these when asking or receiving. In fact, with each passing year, the sense of entitlement that comes with each new group seems to be more and more. I won't even go into the lack of respect for adults...I digress. As I said, it has to start at home with you.
2. Encourage. Encourage your child to say please and thank you in everyday activities. Before our daughter gets anything she requests, she has to say please. There have been times that she refuses and quickly finds out that we do not respond to that type of behavior. Side note: She has also learned that just because she says please does not mean she'll always get what she wants. This opens up a new area of learning for our little ones, but she seems to handle it pretty well. We've worked hard with her on learning to say thank you when she is given something. Sometimes we have to prompt her with "what do you say?" and she responds appropriately. It's even seeped into compliments. She now says thank you when someone compliments her on something. I was surprised when she first did this. It just goes to show that you should never underestimate the abilities of out little ones.
3. Don't give in. Those tantrums can be killer. However, it's better to bear the moment than to set yourself back. I was once told that the tantrums always seem worse to you than others. I learned this to be true the first time she showed her bad attitude at a local store. I felt so embarrassed, but as I looked around, no one was even paying attention to us. With any behavior, consistency and boundaries are key. Say what you mean and mean what you say. As a former behavior specialist and now mother, these things have proven true for any age I've worked with.
4. Start small. Learning common courtesies needs to begin from the time your child is super little. They need to hear these words, observe these actions and be included when possible. The scope of being well mannered and respectful goes far beyond just please and thank you. Beginning to teach your child these things while little can lead to even bigger and better things. It's hard for my first graders to get used to saying please and thank you when they have not been taught it at home. These itty bitty years are so vital in helping them become who they will be in the future.
Think of it this way, if we want kinder, more respectful adults, we need to be raising kinder, more respectful children...and that starts with us.
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