Prying open prayer...

First off, I opted to change the name of this blog while attempting to fall asleep last night. I got to thinking about what makes up my life and what I would like to be the foundations of G's life and this little saying from a well known Disney movie popped into my head..."All it takes is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust." Now I'm not saying that pixie dust is a foundation for my everyday living...it's what it represents...whimsy. My faith in God is the firm foundation on which my existence stands. My trust in Him allows me to encounter the things of this life and count it all joy, both the good and the bad. I trust Him to guide me, to provide, to comfort, and to love me unconditionally. As for the pixie dust? I try to cling to the whimsy of youth...the creativity, the imagination, and the dreaming that stems from a childlike heart. I wish these things for my daughter as well...

As I rested my weary head last night and reflected on the things mentioned above, I also honed in on one of the weakest areas of my faith: prayer. I know that prayer is essential and without it my relationship with Christ could not develop, but I also know it is my most underutilized area. I began a new devotion series called "Teach Me to Pray" from Time of Grace. The first devotion focuses on Jesus' disciples and how they observed the strength, refreshment, comfort and energy that Jesus gained from his time in prayer with his Father. It asked the questions of whether my prayer life was sometimes unfulfilled, forced, scant, confused, etc. and if I had the longing, as the disciples did, to make my prayer life as meaningful as Jesus did. The answer to both would be "yes". I was made acutely aware that my prayer life has become sparse and in some ways, God has become unfamiliar. I don't talk to Him like I once did.

Think of the person with whom you have the best relationship. If you narrowed down what keeps that relationship alive and prosperous, I'm sure communication would be at the top of the list. So goes a person's relationship with God. The communication has to be there. It can't be one sided and it can't be closed off. I have allowed myself to speak and be heard without allowing God to offer up His reply. Will He stop listening? No. Will I be as likely to recognize His will when He answers? No. Satan has been using this lack of communication to allow me to become comfortable with this stagnant type of prayer life. Because of this, I tend to worry more, I feel encumbered by situations that are not mine to carry, and I allow fear to often overcome my sense of security in Christ. Major problems! I have two options. 1. I can stay right where I am or 2. I can place these things in God's hands and work on my prayer life in order to develop the type of relationship, well an even better relationship, with God that I've known in the past and desperately want to know again. He is my God and is the one constant part of my life. I need to develop this area in order to be the mother that my daughter needs me to be. It is time I move forward...

"Lord, teach [me] to pray..." Luke 11:1b

"Never stop praying." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Beach bums and belly blahs

Well, our vacation has ended and we are home. This week had it's share of laughter, fun and sunburn. My husband and I braved our first vacation with our precious 2 month old. Let us just say that vacations will never be the same haha. We ventured to Buxton NC. A lot of our time was spent relaxing with our friends in their camper. We were minutes from the beach and just a short walk from several shops and one of the best bakeries I've been to in a long time.
Just a plug for shopping local, should you ever visit Buxton, you have to go to Orange Blossom Bakery. They are known for their Apple Uglies. An Apple Ugly is a GIANT fried piece of deliciousness. It has bits of apple and a glaze that just sends the sweet fritter to the top of the list. I could not believe the lines and demand for these tasty items. It took both my husband and I to finish one. We also sampled their amazing donuts and breakfast sandwiches (yes, we were big fans).

We visited various places in Hatteras and spent a day on Ocracoke Island. My husband and his buddies spent a large part of the week fishing along the beautiful beaches. We had forgotten how strong the sun's reflection off the water could be. We wore plenty of sunscreen...or so we thought. Even though we applied several times throughout the day, we both still came home with a nice sunburn. Our daughter was much more protected. She still sports her beautiful, flawless ivory skin. As I mentioned before, we enjoyed a fabulous bakery. That was not my only first on this trip. I also took my first ferry ride, which took us to Ocracoke Island, and saw dolphins swimming just yards away. I've only ever seen them in aquariums. The ferry ride might not seem like such a big deal, but for me it was pretty huge. I am not a fan of boats and for me to take a 40 minute ferry ride was a major accomplishment.

We were blessed to meet some new people and to get to know our friends even better. G was not a huge fan of the beach, but she loved all the people she got to meet. I look forward to more trips in the future, especially as G gets older. I love our family and the time we have together is so precious.

As I reflect on our trip, I am reminded just how special and valuable our time together is. Prior to my pregnancy, I was on the road to becoming healthy for my "future family". Well, pregnancy took over my body and took it places I never knew it could go. Now that I am two months post pregnancy, I am gearing up to get back on track. As I put on my bathing suit and headed to the beach, all of the self conscious feelings began to rear to the surface. Things are no longer where they used to be. I never had a "flat" stomach but I didn't sport a major muffin top...and now, I have to inhale, hold my breath and pray I can work my way into my old pants. Enough is enough. This left over baby belly has got to go. Not only do I want to feel and look better, I want to know that I am working towards a healthy life that will allow me to have thousands of memories with my daughter and husband. I've got a beginning game plan and have set my start date as July 1. I continue to encourage my spouse to do the same.  This semi-new journey is going to take a lot of prayer, discipline, and dedication. I'm working on a mini-goal list to help me along. One motivator, aside from my daughter, is my cousin's wedding in November. She is one of my closest family members and has forever been like a sister to me. She has met the love of her life and I want to look good for her big day. So...here's to no longer "sucking it in" and instead, sucking it up and making progress.

Sew nice...

I've been longing to get back into some of the things I enjoyed prior to G's birth. I'm really itching to start baking but baking is not something you can just stop midway to tend to a hungry baby. Instead, I've gotten motivated to get back into sewing. I'm going slow but accomplished a few cute things today. We're heading to the beach and with summertime in the air, I wanted to make her a couple little light weight dresses to wear through out the next couple of hot months. The first two dresses are "sack" dresses and the third is a halter. I love them and can't wait for her to wear them!

The dog did it...

As I mentioned the other day, my husband and I were on the search for childcare. It's been a tough decision, weighing pros and cons, and ultimately stepping out on faith. I have been praying for clarity in this decision and yesterday's major event helped give some guidance. Now, I don't want anyone to think that this event was the turning point and made the decision for us...because that would just be silly, but it did play a role.

Maggie, one of our four-legged children, had a vet appointment yesterday. Everything went well and she received a clean bill of health. However, on our way to check out another day care, I noticed she was starting to act funny. In the 10 minutes it took me to pull into the day care's parking lot, Maggie had begun to have a bad reaction to her vaccinations. Her face started to swell and her breathing was not as good. This happened once when she was very small. I immediately left the day care and headed straight to the vet. I just could not help but think that maybe that was a sign that we should go with our other option. After discussing our options and weighing the pros and cons, my husband and I decided on a home care option for G's first year. We know the babysitter very well and she will provide G with lots of love and quality care. We'll have no worries. We would eventually like her in a preschool, but feel quite good about this choice.

2 is the Number!
G turned 2 months old at 1:33am this morning!!!



Just for Fun
A friend of mine found a video of a gopher making a very dramatic face. The humor can be found when compared with my daughter's facial expression...she is going to hate me someday :)

On this pretty day...

I have been determined to get myself back to feeling like "myself". I'm working on getting back into my pre-baby clothes and I'm attempting to get my house in some type of order. To make myself feel some sort of sense of accomplishment, I planted some flowers on our porch. It was a simple task but their splash of color added some life to the front of the house.

I also set out to find G child care. I went to a center that came highly recommended. It left me wanting. I am not about anything flashy or perfect, however, their lack of security at the facility troubled me. I was able to walk right into the side door where two upper elementary (?) school aged children were working on computers. The director was not present at the time so I just walked around until I found an adult. I was welcomed to look around and while the center was clean and fairly well organized, I did not find their concern for safety comforting. As an elementary educator, and with all of the heartache that stems from the fairly recent shootings in elementary schools, I am a stickler for security. I don't like that just anyone can come in whenever they want. If someone can come in and shoot up a first grade classroom, they can do the same at a daycare. This may sound extreme or glass half empty, but it's realistic. I am not expecting everyone to be patted down and thrown through a metal detector, but I do expect there to be locked doors and/or some type of supervision of who comes in the building. I am far from a paranoid parent, but when it comes to the safety of my child, you better believe I will be holding high standards. I have a couple more options that I am looking into and feel much more confident in either of those as our choice. This parenting stuff is hard!



Father's Day reflections

While rocking G to sleep today, my mind has wandered quite a bit. I got to thinking about

Father's Day
My dad passed away on my birthday last year. While our relationship was far from ideal and almost nonexistent at times, I still ensured that he got his card each year. Last year was such a whirlwind. This year, some of the pain that I've worked so hard to put behind me has risen to the surface. It was my hope that my dad and I would eventually develop the type of father-daughter relationship that I'd missed out on growing up. At his funeral, there were so many people who had known him well over the past few years and had wonderful things to say about him. I know there are things you say because it's a funeral and it is just customary. However, there was one woman who spoke with me and was nothing but genuine in what she said. She proceeded to tell me what a kind man my dad was and how he took her and her son in when she had no where else to go. He gave what he had even though he had very little. The man she knew was not the man I grew up with. Even now, I can see her face and the tears that welled up in her eyes as she poured out her heart. She wanted me to know that he had been a good man. It had been my hope that when we finally had a baby he would want to be invested and reconnect in a positive way because he had a grandchild. Unfortunately, I was not able to give him that before his unexpected passing. I often look at my precious little girl and think how much he would have loved her, and that maybe, just maybe, I would have gotten to know the man that everyone was telling me about. I know I can't get caught up in the "would of",,"could of", or "should of" of things. Instead, I sincerely try to embrace the goodness that he was said to have shown others and I rejoice that he no longer knows the hardships that he was suffering in this life. He sits with my Jesus and I choose to believe that he is proud of me and completely in love with his granddaughter as he watches us both.

Malachi 4:6a He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers... (NIV)

My heart is also full of mixed emotions over the loss of my grandfather last year. After having lost my dad in April, it was doubly hard to lose my grandfather that October. He passed away two days before our wedding anniversary. He was a wonderful grandpa and the memories I have of him still bring a smile to my soul. It's hard to swallow that I will not be sending him a Father's Day card this year. My heart misses him dearly and it breaks for my grandma as she continues to deal with the loss of both her son and husband. I'll never forget when I called to tell him we were pregnant with his first great grandchild. He was so sick and in the hospital at the time. However, he was so happy and talked about how exciting it all was. I'll never forget however, the edge of sadness in his voice. We both knew he would not make it long enough to meet her. I know he was so proud of and so happy at the thought of this little one. I hate that she will never be able to meet him on this side of heaven, but I do look forward to sharing pictures and stories of her great Grandpa Gutwein with her. He has left a legacy.


Proverbs 17: 6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers. (ESV)



While my heart hangs a little heavy this weekend, I find comfort in the fact that God has blessed me with an amazing husband. He is everything I could hope for in a father for our children. He is the closest to unconditional love that I believe I could experience on this side of heaven. He will help me share the stories and will be sure to create so many amazing memories of his own with his children.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 – “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”(NIV)

Seeking wisdom...

It's hard to believe G will be 8 weeks on Friday. It seems like yesterday we were welcoming her into the world. We thank God every day for our precious miracle. This week we've been thinking about so many things...where will she go to college? what will she want to be when she grows up? what will her personality be like? what color will her hair be? how will we ever prepare ourselves for her first day of kindergarten? While we laugh at some of our thoughts, we have really been focusing on how God would want us to raise her in order to make sound choices in her future. We have so many dreams and desires for her, but we know ultimately she will have to make her own choices. Our dilemma is how to help her build the type of confidence and sound moral mindset to choose the life that God is calling her to. We long for her to see herself the way God sees her...an heir to His kingdom...a priceless gem. We want her to value herself and not settle for less than what God has for her. It's extremely overwhelming when we think about the amount of responsibility that has been placed on us as parents. She is truly our greatest achievement and blessing.

I look at several of the youth at our church and I applaud them for the choices they make and their parents for raising such amazing young people. As we continue to learn how to be the parents God has called us to be, we look to those who are going before us. We seek advice and look to the Lord for wisdom. We've quickly learned that parenthood is not for the faint of heart.

Just for Fun

A friend of mine recommended that I make a Fauxby (a fake Moby wrap). I bought the fabric and was able to make one very inexpensively. G loves it!

Life as we know it...

 

 

We thought we would begin this blog in order to keep our friends and family connected with our growing family. This first post serves as a catch up on the last several months.

In August of last year we were so blessed to unexpectedly discover that we were going to have a baby. This was a long awaited answer to prayer.

Over the next several months we did what we could to prepare ourselves and our home for our little girl's arrival.

G's Birth Story

On Thursday, April 18, 2013 we went to see my doctor for my regular weekly check up. My blood pressure, which had been fluctuating throughout pregnancy, was high. We discussed inducing labor the following Monday or Tuesday. The doctor decided to check for dilation and discovered I was 4cm and 75% effaced. I was in no pain and was feeling fine at the time. She sent us to Labor and Delivery to have my blood pressure monitored for a couple of hours and then to determine what day I would be induced. After about 2.5 hours of monitoring they checked me again to discover I was then 6cm. We were admitted to the hospital a little after 8pm! This was totally unexpected. All of our things were in the other vehicle at home. After I was admitted Clinton went home and gathered our things while friends stayed with me at the hospital.

 

 

My contractions began to slowly become stronger but were manageable. Around 12:20 on Friday morning, the doctor broke my water. Immediately following, my contractions became insanely stronger. I had back labor for the duration of my labor. An hour later I was questioning the decision to get an epidural, which I did not want but at that point was strongly considering due to the back labor pain. My doctor came in and checked me again. At that point I was 10cm and ready to push. I had gone from 6cm to 10cm in less than an hour! I began pushing and within 10 minutes, G made her way into the world. She was born at 1:33am on Friday, April 19, 2013.

 

G was very jaundice and we were in the hospital several days after her birth. It was a day of celebration when she was finally able to come off of the biliblanket.

Time has flown and our little girl is now a month and a half old. Everyday is a blessing and we can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for our family. We appreciate all of the food, cards, thoughts, and prayers that have been sent our way.