Tragedy is defined as
“a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster.” Yep.
That about sums it up. Unfortunately, there is not one person who can avoid
tragedy. The degree of tragedy is both perceived and real and can only be determined
by the person experiencing it. This also means that the methods of coping,
mending and moving on will vary.
Regardless of the
type or level of tragedy, self-care needs take place.
While I am not a doctor
or psychologist, I have had a lot of experience as a CPS Social Worker, Behavior
Specialist and teacher, working with others that have faced various degrees of
trauma. I have seen the spirals. I have connected people with resources and
watched them recover and mend. I’ve been the advocate, the shoulder to cry on
and the voice of reason.
I will be perfectly
honest that it has been really difficult being on this side of tragedy. 3 months ago my world was changed. I have
always been the “fixer” and I have since found myself not being able to fix anything. I also know that the unhealthy eating habits,
unaddressed emotions and situational avoidance that I’ve been dealing with are
not proactive ways to care for myself.
The week of
Christmas, we took the kids out to look at Christmas lights. On the way, I, yet
again, found my mind wandering back to October 11th. I was revisited
by the sights and smells. I could hear the sounds…the screams, the cries. I
could hear my own voice pleading to God. Crying is a typical response for me
these days, and, as my husband asked if I was okay, I finally admitted that no,
I was not okay.
It was time for me to
do what I have helped others do for years. I needed to take care of myself.
Self-care looks
different for everyone. During
that drive, on what should be a joyful, fun filled evening, I sifted through
what I and my husband felt needed to be addressed.
-Emotional eating
-Avoidance
-Nightmares and
flashbacks
-Triggers
After sifting through
these things with my husband, we both agreed that I would benefit from
counseling.
So what does my
self-care look like?
I have been
counseling with my pastor and now, a licensed counselor.
I have been
attempting to regain a control of my eating. I have been planning my meals
again, shopping for low-carb options, and meal prepping.
I have been slowly
working my way back into small group settings.
I have been praying…a
lot. My prayers have been transformed since October 11th. God has
revealed Himself in new ways and I have learned so much about His character. He has grown me in the most unexpected ways.
My Beauty from Ashes Journal-I
have been keeping a journal. At the top of the page I have titled it Beauty
from Ashes. It is a running list of all of the good things that have come from
this tragedy. On the days when I cannot see past the tears, a look at the list
of blessings that have stemmed from the heartache, bring me back to God’s
goodness.
This is what self-care currently looks like in my life.
Whatever self-care
needs to look like for you, please take the first step forward. Seek out
professional help or a trusted friend that will guide you through the process.
There is no shame in taking care of yourself. There is no shame in seeking out
help for what is altering your life. Tragedy takes on many forms and so does
self-care.
What I’ve learned up
to this point is that it is better not to wait. In order to move forward, you
have to take the first step. I’ve also learned that the first step should not
be taken alone. Rally the support you need, even if that can only begin with
one person. You will make it through this. You really will be okay…maybe not
now, but one day. You will be okay.
Psalms 62:5-8
Let all that I am
wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my
salvation, my fortress, where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come
from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. Oh my
people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our
refuge.
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