I realize the blog
has been particularly quiet lately. We have had a lot of life happening and I just
could not justify missing it to sit in front of my laptop. I hope to be slowing
down. There is a lot I want to share…things I feel I need to share.
Beauty from the
ashes.
December 11th
marked two months since the tragedy. Two months. It has been an amount of time
that both seems so short and so long ago at the same time.
It has been two
months of recovery, physically, emotionally and mentally. There are moments
that I feel like I’ve come so far in the way that I have been coping and then
there are moments when a sound or smell triggers a memory that sends my mind
whirling back to the day. My heart races. The adrenaline shoots through my
veins. I find myself shaking.
In those moments, I
frantically seek for the familiar. I look or listen for something that brings
me back to my reality. Fortunately, I find it.
Over the last month
it has become fairly evident that it is assumed that I am back to “normal”. I
suppose because of my personality, it should just be natural for me to jump
back into life as it was before. However, life is not like it was before. To
those who think it has all been “fixed” and I am “better”…please, give me more
time without judgement.
In a recent session
with my pastor and his wife, we discussed my grief and how this event has
changed my life. It is not something I want to “just forget” and move on from.
It is my new normal and it is shaping who I believe God is wanting me to
become.
I have been reading
through Holley Gerth’s book, You’re Goingto Be Okay. I have been amazed at how, with each chapter, the content is
precisely what I need for what I am experiencing. Here are a couple of gems I
have been mulling over the last couple of days…
“It’s clear he wants us to thrive. He longs to bless us, yearns to
bring us joy, stops at nothing to make sure we have an opportunity to
experience life to the full…those places of pain are not where we’re made to
dwell” (p.112)
“Jesus said, ‘I have come that they may have life, and have it to the
full’ John 10:10. He didn’t say an easy life. He didn’t say a self-indulgent
life where all your wishes are granted. He didn’t say a life free from pain. But
he did say a full life. One of joy, peace, love, and hope. It’s not only
possible---it’s promised” (p.117)
I know there are
still some who are not familiar with what has happened and in time, I believe that
part of my testimony will be shared. October 11th has become a part
of me. However, as the Lord continues to remind me, it is not who I am. The
flashbacks and the nightmares are not where I am meant to dwell. God does not
mean for me to live without joy and happiness.
If you are going
through a season of grief, sadness or pain, remember, while it may not seem as
such, it is only temporary. This truth has become prevalent as we head into
this Christmas season. Jesus Himself was no stranger to the aches in this life.
After all, it is why He came. His descent from Heaven to Earth was to bring the
promise of Hope and Joy. In knowing the days we would face ahead, God knew we
would need something to cling to. That Hope came in the form of a baby in a
manger. It came in the form of a man, leading a perfect, sinless life, who would
later die for the sins and imperfections of all. It came in the form of a
Savior on a cross, who would breathe His last breath to give us Life.
“For God did not send His Son
into the world to condemn the world, but to save
the world through him.”
John 3:17
the world through him.”
John 3:17
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