Walking with Gideon: Where's the Proof?

This journey with Gideon continues to be enlightening. I'm still in awe of just how often I find myself relating to his thoughts.

Judges 6:17-23a

In the throws of life we find ourselves facing difficult decisions and we often seek out a definitive answer. Which way do we go? Which is the best option? What would You have me do God? In my experience, there have been a lot of times when these questions are answered with silence. This silence drives me towards God even more. I dive into His word and search the scriptures for words of direction. I pray for clarity.

When these times of "grey" enter into my life and I'm not sure what I should do or how I should respond or struggle with understanding the circumstances, I have often times ask God for proof. Sometimes it's proof of His hand in the situation or proof that I am doing what I should be doing (because apparently solely trusting in His control is too hard). I don't know why I make things more difficult for myself. Fortunately, (well maybe unfortunately) I am not the only one and I discovered that even Gideon had this same need for proof (v. 17).

We ask God to show Himself. We ask Him to wait on us (v.18). Maybe we think we need more time or more clarity, but really? Who are we talking to? We are talking to the Creator, the Great Physician, the Great I AM! And yet we are asking Him to wait on us. Just putting that into words reiterates just how crazy that really is. He is the time keeper. His timing is perfect and only in His time will all be revealed (which is admittedly difficult for impatient people like myself). Besides that, how many times has He proven Himself over and over again? Countless and yet we still insist that He "prove" Himself again. Boy are we a greedy bunch.

However, because of Who God is, we can trust Him to do this. He does wait on us at times and He does continue to reveal Himself to us. We in turn must prepare our hearts and minds to receive Him (v. 19). Gideon experienced God's presence and saw wonders performed that would leave no doubt that God was with Him (vv. 20-21).

When we find ourselves needing "proof" of God, God will provide. He uses the times of darkness, confusion and frustration to build us up and draw us to Him in ways that we would not have known otherwise. At the moment we fully turn ourselves and situations over to Him, an amazing thing happens. Are we still facing those same situations, thoughts and emotions? Yes. However, we recognize that we no longer face them alone and that God's hand is truly in the midst, maintaining a handle on even the most chaotic of situations. He is the Peace in the storm (v. 23a).

We all have our hurdles but our testimony and faith are built through these things. Some days we find ourselves totally at peace with what God is doing in our lives and at other times we wonder if He's even aware of what's going on in our lives. As situations arise I encourage you to seek after God and to ask Him to reveal Himself and His purpose to you in those times. He will bring to light an array of revelations that will astound. you.

(You can find past Walks here.)

Walking with Gideon: When We Doubt

I have uncovered so many treasures as I've walked with Gideon. I've only scratched the surface of his story so far and I already find myself examining aspects of my spiritual walk. His story once again proves that the battles we face have been going on for centuries and yet through it all our God has remained constant.

I've been really trying to focus on my blessings since my last walk with Gideon and I've been trying to be more Heaven minded. It's hard to do when your mind and heart struggle to comprehend things that we may never understand on this side of Heaven. Trying to channel into this mindset was a great way to enter into the next part of my reading.

Judges 6:11-16

 

I often ask the Lord "why?" Why am I going through this? What could Your purpose be? Why would You chose me? These broad questions become even more specific as I focus on the doubts and anxieties that I have had surrounding our infertility and raising our child (and future children) in a broken world. Just like Gideon in verse 13, I've questioned why things have happened to us. If I serve such a mighty God and I am trying to serve Him as best I can, why does it appear (appear being the key word) that evil profits?  It's easy to feel abandoned when you don't get immediate answers.

As I focused on these questions, I had a moment of clarity. The "whys" of this world are tied to earthly longings. I've overlooked the fact that my ultimate goal and reward will be received in Heaven. I will be honored for living a life pleasing to God when I meet Him face to face. While it's hard to wrap my mortal brain around such supernatural truths, it helps me be a little more okay with not understanding and it gives me the courage and drive to continue on.

With that in mind, it can be difficult to remember that not only does God send and guide us on our journey, but he goes before us. When Gideon questioned how God would use him in verse 14, the Lord told him to go with the strength that he has and to remember that God was sending him. God does not question our ability to conquer our doubts and fears because after all, He is the one with us, providing our strength, equipping us to face the battle.

::via::

We often accept these things as head knowledge but don't let them become heart knowledge. How often have I been reminded of what I know of God's character only to question Him? Gideon plays the same game. Instead of focusing on his strength and ability through Christ, he focuses on his own weaknesses (v. 15). There have been many times throughout our TTC journey that I have felt like a broken piece of machinery. There is something wrong with me that meds attempt to correct and doctors monitor. I'm certain God has used these things to assist me on my way and ultimately He has used these things to further His purpose. In the case of our infertility He led me to new doctors that finally diagnosed my condition correctly and had a wealth of knowledge that finally provided answers. He brought me to professionals that could give me a plan.

In the darkest of those moments I've found myself needing to just sit and be still. It continues to be in those moments that God reminds me that He will be with me (v. 16). Everyday we encounter obstacles that challenge our faith. It's important that we focus our hearts and minds on the reminders that God provided for Gideon and remain true to this day...
1. He is orchestrating the journey.
2. He will be with us through it all.

What are you questioning God about right now?

Does it change your perspective to know that God is going before you and everything that you will encounter has been sieved through His hands?

Walking with Gideon

To say I'm over these infertility issues would be an understatement. This week has been very challenging for a variety of reasons and the emotional roller coaster has taken its toll. As I was driving to work the other morning I felt this urging to read the story of Gideon. It has been a long time since I've ventured into the book of Judges to read his story and I felt it all really random...but God is not random. As I've begun to revisit Gideon's story I've been reminded of the story's themes of struggle, hope, faith, fear, courage and the ability to overcome. These are common themes along the journey of infertility as well. I still wasn't sure what God would have for me...how on Earth could an account about a man defeating armies connect with my female aches for wanting a child? I'm not sure where this scripture study will take me but I'm already captivated by the things that God has brought to light. I hope you'll join me as I walk with Gideon through his story.

I hope to post my thoughts about my study as I go. It is also my hope that you'll find something to connect with and that you'll find, like me, that God can use any circumstance for His glory if we're willing to trust Him.

Judges 6:1-10

To give a little background, the Israelites had been delivered into the hands of the Midianites for the wickedness of their people. The Israelites were so fearful of the Midianites that they hid themselves in the mountain caves. Their crops and livestock were destroyed or taken by the armies and finally, as a last ditch effort for survival, they called out to God for help. (vs. 1-6)

How often do we try and take things into our own hands only to be left with nothing? Far to frequently I find myself trying to control those things in which I have no control and I end up only making matters worse. Instead of binding my heart to the Word, I hide myself in moments of emotional eating, sadness, bitterness and anxiety. It is in these moments that I find myself (finally) calling out to the Lord. It seems ridiculous to go to God as a last resort than as our first and best option...and yet we do. Cursed human nature.

I'm a Type A person and I thrive on structure and predictability. Did I ever think I'd have trouble conceiving a child? No. I had a plan and waiting through countless failed efforts does not fair well for someone with my lack of patience. God has grown me in ways that I could not imagine through this infertility journey and I know that I still have so much to learn. He is far from done with me. Our God is a loving and gracious God and because of these things, He allows us to make our choices. I can choose to wallow in sadness with each failed cycle or I can go to Him with my heartache and allow Him to mend that which is broken. Neither of these options are easy but it makes sense to choose the one that will have the most beneficial outcome.

As I read through the beginnings of this chapter I couldn't help but think about our current infertility struggles. I'm becoming emotionally spent. Infertility can have an oppressive power. It affects every aspect of your life. It can affect the way you eat, spend your time and money and how you look and feel about your future.

Like the Israelites, we often lose sight of the blessings we've already received (vs. 8-9). We forget the countless times that He has delivered us. The Israelites also turned their worship towards pagan gods. I'll be honest, when facing infertility it's very easy to get caught up in putting your faith and hope into other things...all of which hold promise to help you bear children...such as medications, doctors, alternative medicine and treatments, etc. I've often found myself placing so much hope into the medication I take or the way in which my cycle chart looks that I lose sight of God's hand in the situation. Do you see the common misstep (vs. 7-10)? Like the ancients, I know my God is amazing and can do all things and yet I don't always place my faith and hope in the One who can fill my heart's desires. He is my deliverer and has an amazing plan for my life if only I will allow Him to lead me.

In just a few short verses I have been challenged in some amazing ways.

-Where am I trying to hide?

-Where is my hope, really?

-How would it feel to allow God to take control and rest in His sovereignty?

Maybe you are facing similar circumstances. I encourage you to join me in this study of Gideon. There is no doubt that there are more treasures to be uncovered.