Sifting through the Wreckage: The Need for Self-care after Tragedy

Tragedy is defined as “a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster.” Yep. That about sums it up. Unfortunately, there is not one person who can avoid tragedy. The degree of tragedy is both perceived and real and can only be determined by the person experiencing it. This also means that the methods of coping, mending and moving on will vary.

 Regardless of the type or level of tragedy, self-care needs take place.

 While I am not a doctor or psychologist, I have had a lot of experience as a CPS Social Worker, Behavior Specialist and teacher, working with others that have faced various degrees of trauma. I have seen the spirals. I have connected people with resources and watched them recover and mend. I’ve been the advocate, the shoulder to cry on and the voice of reason.

 I will be perfectly honest that it has been really difficult being on this side of tragedy. 3 months ago my world was changed. I have always been the “fixer” and I have since found myself not being able to fix anything.  I also know that the unhealthy eating habits, unaddressed emotions and situational avoidance that I’ve been dealing with are not proactive ways to care for myself.

 The week of Christmas, we took the kids out to look at Christmas lights. On the way, I, yet again, found my mind wandering back to October 11^th. I was revisited by the sights and smells. I could hear the sounds…the screams, the cries. I could hear my own voice pleading to God. Crying is a typical response for me these days, and, as my husband asked if I was okay, I finally admitted that no, I was not okay.

 It was time for me to do what I have helped others do for years. I needed to take care of myself.

 Self-care looks different for everyone. During that drive, on what should be a joyful, fun filled evening, I sifted through what I and my husband felt needed to be addressed.

-Emotional eating

-Avoidance

-Nightmares and flashbacks

-Triggers

After sifting through these things with my husband, we both agreed that I would benefit from counseling.

So what does my self-care look like?

I have been counseling with my pastor and now, a licensed counselor.

I have been attempting to regain a control of my eating. I have been planning my meals again, shopping for low-carb options, and meal prepping.

I have been slowly working my way back into small group settings.

I have been praying…a lot. My prayers have been transformed since October 11^th. God has revealed Himself in new ways and I have learned so much about His character. He has grown me in the most unexpected ways.

My Beauty from Ashes Journal-I have been keeping a journal. At the top of the page I have titled it Beauty from Ashes. It is a running list of all of the good things that have come from this tragedy. On the days when I cannot see past the tears, a look at the list of blessings that have stemmed from the heartache, bring me back to God’s goodness.

This is what self-care currently looks like in my life.

Whatever self-care needs to look like for you, please take the first step forward. Seek out professional help or a trusted friend that will guide you through the process. There is no shame in taking care of yourself. There is no shame in seeking out help for what is altering your life. Tragedy takes on many forms and so does self-care.

What I’ve learned up to this point is that it is better not to wait. In order to move forward, you have to take the first step. I’ve also learned that the first step should not be taken alone. Rally the support you need, even if that can only begin with one person. You will make it through this. You really will be okay…maybe not now, but one day. You will be okay.

Psalms 62:5-8

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. Oh my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.

A Turkey, A Tow Truck and Two of a Kind

Yesterday was just one of those days. It began with running a bit behind for work. I dropped G off at the sitter and began my trek to work. As I rounded the bend just miles from the sitters house, I saw a turkey crossing the road. It was as if life began reeling in slow motion. I saw the little guy crossing the road, but there was nothing I could do. It was inevitable. The little guy didn't stand a chance. In one brief instance there were feathers flying both in front and behind me. The car behind me got a nice dose of them as well. I guess we'll never know why poultry cross roads...he did get some revenge by doing some damage to my jeep...

The guys at my husband's work gave me a hard time for starting Turkey Season a day early.

 

 

After getting my heart rate and blood pressure to a normal level, I called my hubby to let him know about the incident. Things were not going much better for him. He was stranded on the highway due to some pretty major car trouble. We found out later that it was a big crack in the radiator. A tow truck came and took him and his vehicle to his fire department. By the end of the day his vehicle was fixed and life was normalizing...at least for him.

Upon getting to work, I noticed that our secretary had brought in a pet crate. I assumed it was her daughter's dog and that her daughter would be along shortly to pick him up. I was surprised to find two cats in the crate. She told me their sad story...

The family that owned these cats, and one dog, had moved. My secretary's daughter happened to see one of the cats outside. Knowing that the owners had moved, she stopped to see what was going on. By the end of it all, she had discovered that the family had left one of the cats outside and the other, along with the dog, inside the house. These poor animals had been abandoned. These little guys had been left since at least Monday, but my friends believe it was longer than that. The little guy that was inside was pretty thin.

Meet Ace!

Meet Rigby!

She had brought these animals to school to pass on to our librarian who does animal rescue and works closely with the Humane Society in the area. She was already overwhelmed with cats that need homes...she had 6-7 she was already trying to place. So...what did I do? I had to do what my heart and head were telling me. At the end of the school day I became the official owner of two adorable little boys. These guys are approximately 6-7 months old. They have the best temperaments and could not be more cuddly. They'll do just fine out here in the country.

The king of his new castle.

G was not sure what to think of them at first, but as you can see, she quickly warmed up to them.