5 Things to Consider When Choosing a Preschool or Daycare

Hello! If you are reading this, it is likely because you are on the hunt for the perfect placement for your sweet babe(s). The thought of leaving your little one in someone else's hands may bring a sick feeling to your stomach, because, let's face it, no one can do what you do, the way you do it.

Point well taken, but unless you are lucky enough to be able to stay at home or have a trusted family member care for your child, you will very likely be finding yourself on the path to finding another type of care setting for your child.

I had to embark on this journey and to be quite honest, I dreaded it. How was I going to go back to work and let someone else care for my baby? I did not have a choice in returning to work, but I did have a choice in where I would send her. As a former Child Protective Services worker and now elementary school teacher, I knew what I did and did not want in a placement. I did a lot of praying during this season of searching and I was fortunate enough to find a woman within our church who cared for our daughter for three years and then our son for two years. She was amazing and will forever remain a precious jewel to our family.

Unfortunately, the time came to look for a preschool for our kids and I was faced with similar issues when looking for just the right one. I have since been assisting friends and family in discovering the best fit for childcare for their children and all of that has led me to this post. There are 5 main things to consider when choosing a preschool or daycare for your child.

1. Certification

Certification can be relevant in several areas, all of which you should consider. A lot of "at home" or "private" sitters are not certified through the state. If you are unfamiliar with what this means, you can check it out here (this is specific to VA but you can look up your state as well). Be aware that this means that no one is following up with the care, number of children, or the care-giving environment of this sitter. Our sitter was not licensed and we were okay with that. She had only a few children, her home was always well put together and she sincerely loved our children as her own. I had no concerns. I will say, as a former CPS worker, I have seen the repercussions of home daycares not being licensed, so use your best judgement. We were very fortunate.

Center based daycares/preschools should be licensed. Check credentials. CPR and First Aid may be another certification that you desire your caregivers to have. If your caregiver does not have this, you can always ask them to consider obtaining these certifications, but keep in mind, they may not.

2. Facility

There are regulations as to how many children a center can have. Our children's preschool recently became certified for a larger number of students because they expanded their facility size and the number of staff. Fortunately, their groups will still be relatively small. We preferred a smaller class size for our kids and this preschool fit the bill.

When you are considering a facility, TOUR it. Do not go on the word of workers or friends. See it for yourself. When I was initially looking for a daycare for my daughter, I had heard a lot of good things about a particular facility. I went to tour it and could not find a designated "front" entrance. I ended up taking a chance on a side door. I was able to just walk in. There were two older elementary students playing on a computer with no adult supervision.  I remember thinking that someone could have snatched one of them up and been down the road before someone could get to them. I walked past them and found a worker sitting with a small child in the hallway. I was barely acknowledged and asked if I could see the director, of whom I found out was not there even though we had set up the time to meet that day for the tour. The worker told me that I was welcome to just walk around and check things out. I did. The facility itself was fine, but I was far from impressed. My expectations had been so high based on the recommendations of my friends. I was concerned by the lack of supervision and security.

My background and maternal instinct prompted red flags. I was far from comfortable about leaving my child at this facility. The condition, set up, and security of a facility should not be taken lightly.

3. Staff

Some people are just not personable. However, if you are going to be having your child cared for by someone regularly, they need to be approachable. When trying to find a preschool for our daughter, I attempted several times to make contact with the director. I spoke with her on the phone and was told to contact her on specific day and time to find out if our daughter would be accepted or put on a wait list. I did as we agreed. No answer. I left a message. Nothing. Several days later I called again with the same outcome. I got out of work early one afternoon and stopped by the facility. The director was not there and no one was sure when she would return. I left a message for her there and once again, nothing. I took this as a sign that this was not the place for my child, but it also left a bad impression.

The facility itself was fine and I knew many of the children who attended. However, the fact that I could not get answers to my questions made me concerned about how things would be when my daughter attended. Would they readily get in touch with me if something happened? Would they answer questions as they came up throughout the year? To these questions, I still do not have answers. It is essential that you feel comfortable and confident in the caregivers.

4. Location

Does the location make sense? You'd think this was a given, but it's not. Are you willing to drive out of your way for a great daycare or preschool? Will your time only allow you to go within a small radius? These are things you need to consider as you begin looking at centers.  Our private sitter was on my way to and from work. It was beautiful. However, before finding her, the facility I almost went with was just down the road from my work. It was ideal for me, but not for anyone else who may need to come pick her up. In fact, it was about 30 minutes out of the way for anyone else.

I had to consider location as I began looking for a preschool as well. The one we went with is perfect (for us) in almost every way. It's close to our house and is easy access for everyone who would be responsible for picking up our little ones.

5. Budget

Not to be throwing our business out there, but let me be real. Since our son was born, I have been spending in upwards of $900-$1000+ for daycare/preschool. I know a lot of people spend even more in any given month. Childcare is not cheap and GOOD childcare is that much more costly. Know your budget before checking into facilities. The sticker shock of childcare is one that hit us pretty hard...so much so that we decided to move our son a year early to the preschool in order to save some money (otherwise, he'd still be with his amazing sitter). It can be painful to write that check each week or month, but if you have a good, overall placement, you can consider it an investment. Also, when it comes tax time, be sure to have your receipts. Often times you can claim childcare on your taxes.

Of course, there are many other factors to consider, but the last thing I want to leave you with is this:

Go With Your Gut

You will know if where you are looking to place your child is the right fit. Good luck and I'd love to hear any tips you have from your searching experiences.

The Truth Hurts

We've all heard that the truth hurts. It simply means that we do not like what we are being forced to hear, face or endure. I find myself in a season that is overwhelmingly full of hard truths. Sometimes I am the one dealing with the difficulty and sometimes I am the person that must share the hard news. I am honestly not sure which end I'd rather be on.

About two years ago I felt especially convicted to share some words and ask some difficult questions of someone I love dearly. I knew there would most likely be repercussions but this person and I had been in a similar situation before, so I was hopeful that I would see positive fruits as a result of my willingness to move forward once again. However, I battled with this. I did not want to risk the relationship. I did not want to cry. I did not want this person to feel attacked. As we all know, we don't always get what we want.

The words I spoke were taken out of context. The questions I asked were deemed imposing and disapproving. Everything I had not wanted to happen, despite earnestly praying for a better outcome, happened. I was devastated. One of my closest and dearest friends was no longer speaking to me...and basically has not since. Today is an especially hard day as I see the direction of the life that this person has chosen. It is painful. It feels almost as if a death has taken place. That is the near level of grief I have encountered as this day has approached. It is a day I should be present for, but am not wanted. It is a day that should be taking place under different circumstances. Alas, here I am, sitting with the truth.

I struggle...although the word struggle hardly feels adequate. I have to sit with the truth that these are the choices of this person. These are the walls that this person has put up. Only continued prayer and time may bring them down.

I've wrestled with this whole "speak truth" concept for a while now. It seems when I do, someone is offended, hurt, or needs to take a step back from me. I always come at it with love, but the truth hurts.

  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Eph. 4:15

It can be painful to share the truth. It can be frightening, but it should always be done in and out of love. I am known for not sugar coating things and it's true that I often say things that people simply do not want to hear...but I cannot help it. I cannot help how I feel the Spirit move. I have come to terms with the fact that there will be unpleasant repercussions. I am also reminded that there can be severe consequences. In fact, Christ was battered, scorned, humiliated and hung a cross for speaking truth. While my current circumstances cause anguish, they have yet to cause me death. However, the principal is the same.

We must put off the need to sugar coat and versions of half truths. We need to speak in love. We need to speak the Truth in love as God leads. God holds us to that expectation and I for one would rather lay my head on my pillow and sleep soundly with the knowledge that I have honored my God then to lose sleep over not following His leading.

Scripture promises difficult times, but it also promises great reward for pursuing Christ. Each encounter we have with someone is an opportunity for God to use us. Do not shy away. While in the moment, and in this case, years, the pain may cause heartache, I can rest assured that His Word will not return void. His purpose will prevail. He remains good. He remains faithful.

Truth remains.

5 Things You Might Not Know About Me

I loved Lisa's 10 Things You Might Not Know About Me post so much that I was inspired to create my own. Like Lisa, I feel a lot of my posts lately have been more on the serious side. That is just the season of life I am in right now. It's good to walk the waters of light heartedness more often then not, especially during difficult seasons. Thanks again Lisa for reminder.

The following are 5 things you may or may not know about me...

1. Iced Coffee

I treat myself once a week to a wonderfully flavored ice coffee from one of my favorite coffee spots. If you are ever coming through Madison Heights, VA, you should definitely stop in at The Bean Barn. Their Iced Salted Caramel Mochas are delish!

2. Libraries

I love the smell of libraries...or rather the books that are in the libraries. There is something so comforting and nostalgic about the smell of well worn pages. I love the weight of the books in my hands. This year I've been determined to spend a little me time, most of which has centered around reading. I've posted my list of reads from January and I'd love to hear any title or author suggestions you have.

3. Sunglasses

I LOVE sunglasses. I especially love ones with large lenses. Call me cheap, but the most I've ever spent on a pair is only like $12. I do not do name brands. In fact, most of them have come from a dollar store or Walmart. When you lose things like I do, it does not make sense to spend tons of money on a pair of sunglasses.

3. Green

My favorite color is green...almost every shade. I steer away from the puke-like or neon.

4. "Prayer Ordered" Children

The Bible tells us to come boldly to the throne with our requests. Before I knew I'd face matters of infertility, I had secretly hoped and prayed for a little girl. I did not stop there. I remember whispering a prayer that if He should so see fit to grant my wish list, I'd like the following: A little girl with red hair and blue eyes. I also really wanted her to have her father's dimples. I know it seems silly, but most of us have been guilty of wishing for certain traits and characteristics. After a lengthy struggle, I decided I would take whatever the Lord would grant. I just hoped for a whole and healthy baby. When we conceived, I just knew I was having a girl. I cannot explain it. However, when she was born with platinum blonde hair, I believed it would eventually turn brown, just as her father's had. At about 5 months however, it became evident that her hair was turning red. I now have a beautiful, red haired, blue eyed daughter that has her daddy's dimples. How cool is that?! God does not mind if we get specific.

5. Boats

I do not like boats. Big or small, I fear them all. I don't know why but I vaguely remember a very frightening ride with my cousins as a young child. Maybe this was the cause. I like the idea of a leisurely float down a river or a cruise to some far off place, but the thought of actually getting on one sends my blood pressure and anxiety levels soaring. I know this sounds crazy from a person who loves the outdoors so much, not to mention that I'm a pretty decent swimmer. Please know I have tried to overcome this fear...and yet, at 31 years old, I have yet to overcome it.

Do any of these surprise you?

Feel free to jump on board and share some of your "unknowns". It really is a lot fun!

Currently: January 2017

I have not done a “currently” post in a while. It has been a challenging few months to say the least. My life has taken lots of altering turns since I last posted this type of piece in September 2016. Who knew that only a month later things would look so different.

Thinking About: I am thinking about all of the things I need to do in February. There is a lot to plan and look forward to. I’ve also been doing a lot of self-reflection, which has been both enlightening and difficult.

Working On: I am working on pulling ideas from my New House Pinterest boards. We sold our house at the beginning of January and in a couple of weeks we’ll meet with our builder to settle on final selections that will eventually bring the look of our new house together. The kitchen and living room have always been the heart of our home. I am so excited about finally having a streamline style throughout the house. Here are a few of the ideas inspiring the look of our new home.

::via::

::via::

::via::

 

::via::

Learning: I am re-learning how to live happy. My joy cannot be taken. It comes from my love and relationship with Jesus. My happiness however, comes and goes. I have to choose my attitude. I used to be so “glass half full” but for a while now, I’ve felt that cup emptying. I am re-learning how to rejoice in ALL things. I am choosing to look on the bright side.

Watching: The only two shows I currently watch faithfully are Alone and Curse of Oak Island. I do not watch much television and we try to not let it necessarily be how we spend our family time so I am always behind on the latest TV drama. However, when these two shows are on (which are thankfully on after the kids go to bed) you can find me propped on the couch, eyes glued to the screen. These are shows that both my husband and I enjoy together.

Listening to: The radio. The CD player in my Jeep is malfunctioning and until my hubs can fix it, I find myself listening to our favorite radio station, 88.3 The Journey.

Reading: Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I’ve read several books this month. In fact, I’ve read more this past month than I have in the last few years. I hope to do a review post soon. I’ve been carving out reading time in the evenings as a way of working on self-care. Since meeting with my new counselor, I’ve become more motivated to take care of myself again.

Trying: I am trying to get back into my low carb way of eating. I did pretty well last week and lost almost 3lbs. I knew this would be a challenge and the last few days have been what I would consider flops. I just have to remind myself that every choice counts. My menu for February is looking good and I am becoming more determined daily. I have goals that I want to reach and I have things that I want to see happen. Some of these things are heavily influenced by my weight. I can do this!

Loving: I am loving my husband. The last few months have helped me see him with fresh eyes. He has changed in so many amazing ways and I am SO proud of the man he has become. God has been working in both of us and I find myself frequently falling in love with my sweet hubs over and over again. The pain and healing we have gone through since October has only strengthened our relationship together and as a couple with God. Life with him is not always beautiful, but it is our kind of perfect.

Sifting through the Wreckage: The Need for Self-care after Tragedy

Tragedy is defined as “a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster.” Yep. That about sums it up. Unfortunately, there is not one person who can avoid tragedy. The degree of tragedy is both perceived and real and can only be determined by the person experiencing it. This also means that the methods of coping, mending and moving on will vary.

 Regardless of the type or level of tragedy, self-care needs take place.

 While I am not a doctor or psychologist, I have had a lot of experience as a CPS Social Worker, Behavior Specialist and teacher, working with others that have faced various degrees of trauma. I have seen the spirals. I have connected people with resources and watched them recover and mend. I’ve been the advocate, the shoulder to cry on and the voice of reason.

 I will be perfectly honest that it has been really difficult being on this side of tragedy. 3 months ago my world was changed. I have always been the “fixer” and I have since found myself not being able to fix anything.  I also know that the unhealthy eating habits, unaddressed emotions and situational avoidance that I’ve been dealing with are not proactive ways to care for myself.

 The week of Christmas, we took the kids out to look at Christmas lights. On the way, I, yet again, found my mind wandering back to October 11^th. I was revisited by the sights and smells. I could hear the sounds…the screams, the cries. I could hear my own voice pleading to God. Crying is a typical response for me these days, and, as my husband asked if I was okay, I finally admitted that no, I was not okay.

 It was time for me to do what I have helped others do for years. I needed to take care of myself.

 Self-care looks different for everyone. During that drive, on what should be a joyful, fun filled evening, I sifted through what I and my husband felt needed to be addressed.

-Emotional eating

-Avoidance

-Nightmares and flashbacks

-Triggers

After sifting through these things with my husband, we both agreed that I would benefit from counseling.

So what does my self-care look like?

I have been counseling with my pastor and now, a licensed counselor.

I have been attempting to regain a control of my eating. I have been planning my meals again, shopping for low-carb options, and meal prepping.

I have been slowly working my way back into small group settings.

I have been praying…a lot. My prayers have been transformed since October 11^th. God has revealed Himself in new ways and I have learned so much about His character. He has grown me in the most unexpected ways.

My Beauty from Ashes Journal-I have been keeping a journal. At the top of the page I have titled it Beauty from Ashes. It is a running list of all of the good things that have come from this tragedy. On the days when I cannot see past the tears, a look at the list of blessings that have stemmed from the heartache, bring me back to God’s goodness.

This is what self-care currently looks like in my life.

Whatever self-care needs to look like for you, please take the first step forward. Seek out professional help or a trusted friend that will guide you through the process. There is no shame in taking care of yourself. There is no shame in seeking out help for what is altering your life. Tragedy takes on many forms and so does self-care.

What I’ve learned up to this point is that it is better not to wait. In order to move forward, you have to take the first step. I’ve also learned that the first step should not be taken alone. Rally the support you need, even if that can only begin with one person. You will make it through this. You really will be okay…maybe not now, but one day. You will be okay.

Psalms 62:5-8

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. Oh my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.

Farewell to Our First Home

In the fall of 2008 I moved into a quaint little Cape that nestled itself against the backdrop of the Blue Ridge Mountains. From August to October of that year, I painted and prepped that little house for what would be the first chapter of my upcoming marriage. In October 2008, we exchanged vows, I changed my last name, and we began a life together in that little house.

 Photo Credit: Realtor April Bailey

Much has happened in and outside of those walls. We survived storms of all sorts. We hosted friends, family and strangers. We reaped the harvest of a modest garden and hiked the surrounding apple orchards. We watched sunrises and sunsets. We made that little house a home.

Some of our fondest and saddest memories to date have been made in that house.

It is the house that we brought both of our babies home to.

 It's where G began to love cooking and baking...

It is where we spent countless hours outside with each passing season...

It was where we got the news that my father and grandfather passed...both in 2012, just months apart.

It's where birthdays and holidays were celebrated with such joy.

It is the home where I would fall in love with my husband over and over again.

It was my sanctuary at the end of a long day.

For 8 years it was the place I called "home".

We tested the vows of marriage as we took on renovation projects…some of which were only finished because we put the house on the market.

Why would we leave such a strongly built, memory containing, scenic spot? Simple. We had another dream. About 4 years into our marriage we decided that one day we would build. We loved the idea of starting with a blank slate and creating a house that encompassed all that we’d like in a house. A couple years ago we were blessed to purchase 28 acres. The view is stunning and the location is ideal considering my husband and I work in opposite directions. We are hoping to finally break ground by the end of February or early March.

 This is a dream we have had and to see it all start to come together is overwhelming in the best way. God has shown us his favor through this whole process. It began with the land purchase. It then began to come together even more when we were able to rent from my in-laws and move out in order to finish some projects and leave the house empty for sale. Within about 3 weeks of being on the market, a couple fell in love with the location and our little house and as of this week, the ownership was transferred from us to them. Everything has come together beautifully and we could not have asked for a better outcome for all involved.

I look forward to sharing this next part of our journey as it unfolds. Until then, I’ll leave you with some of the sweet memories that made our first home so dear.

Linking up for Mommy Moments

What is Your Lion?

What keeps you up at night? You may think that it is something you watched on television or the sad news on the other end of the phone or a stack of bills you cannot pay. However, if you really look at what is keeping you awake, you’ll find that it boils down to what those thoughts or situations are prompting. Difficult, threatening and painful situations evoke feelings. Those feelings come in the way anxiety and fear. It is the anxiety and fear that leaves you lying awake with a full mind, troubled heart, and a pile of used tissues.

 We think that it is the event or possibilities that keep us awake, but it is actually the feelings those circumstances or experiences evoke. I have been dealing with nightmares and flashbacks for the last couple of months. They cause my anxiety level to rise quickly. My stress level also rises. These high levels then begin impacting me physically. I’ll feel sick, tired and overwhelmed.

 During a recent counseling session, my counselor told me to find time over the next couple of weeks to sit with the tragedy that I had experienced. I did not know what she meant by that at first. She explained that I am constantly battling how I feel. I am constantly trying to be strong and be where people think I should be in the healing process. I am trying to plan ahead and predict what may or may not happen. She recognized that I have yet to really sit with what has happened…

 This Monday was a Snow Day. As a teacher, it means an extra day of snuggles and downtime with my kiddos. I woke up thinking, today needs to be the day. Today needs to be the day when I sit in the quiet and just be with what has happened. No processing. No “what ifs”. I need to just be with the reality. I took my kids to the sitter, and despite wanting them here with me, I came home and sat in the silence.

 Revisiting October 11^th is painful. In fact, painful does not begin to describe it, but without details that I am not quite ready to share, know that pain is weaved all throughout.

 I was drawn back to a verse that I had come across not long after getting this “assignment” from my counselor.

I think back to what happened and I think about this verse. This tragedy is my “lion”. I was spared life. Each day that passes, I find moments where sadness overwhelms me, but I am also seeing more moments of joy…joy that I was not sure I’d be able to feel again. We are instructed to rejoice in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:16) and I have been finding ways to rejoice about what I’ve been through. Each day He is giving me strength. He is offering me grace each morning my feet hit the floor. He is by my side. My testimony has grown exponentially through this devastation and as I become more able to share, it will serve as an avenue for me to witness to others about God’s goodness and love. There is a message in this part of my life that needs to be heard. Just as in Timothy’s time, there are those living a life without the Salvation of Christ. If my story can pierce or soften one heart that will come to know Him, then it will have been worth all the heartache.

I have been delivered from the lion’s mouth. I have been set apart to share what others can or may not share. I have seen how God has saved me from the wreckage. While I still struggle with certain feelings and circumstances, I am no longer captive, and you need not be either. He is by your side. He will give you strength. He will deliver you.

What is your lion?

My Top 3 in 2016

This year has been a whirlwind. I have experienced a roller coaster ride of emotions and experiences...so much so that I am still trying to catch my breath in a lot ways. I want to thank all of you have been offering your love and support as the days drift on. This year might have overtaken me if the love of the Lord had not been so evident through you.

In looking back over these past 12 months, I've come across some moments I've put to the back of my mind and others that seem as fresh as the day they happened. I thought to wrap up this year, I'd share the top 3 most viewed blog posts from Rejoice and Repeat.

3.

What's Bigger than My Diagnosis?

In this post I share our infertility struggles and what we did to overcome them.

2.

Two Months After Tragedy
In this post I share update on the healing and personal obstacles I have been dealing with since October's tragedy.

1.

When God Uses the Unimaginable
This post was the first I shared about the tragedy I experienced this fall.

Learning to Lean in 2017

In 2015 I decided to forgo resolutions and just set goals. In 2016 I decided to center those goals around a single word for the year. 2016’s word was Restoration. I have been putting a lot of thought into what word I would need to focus on this year. When I felt led to Restoration, I had no idea how that word would take on valuable meaning as major life events unfolded in the latter half of the year.

 After some quiet time, I believe the Lord has lead me to the word I will focus on this year:

Lean

The dictionary has multiple meanings for this word. However, the one that struck an immediate chord with me was “to rely or depend”. The verse that I am focusing on this year accompanies this word and its definition in its entirety.

The last half of 2016 has taught me more than ever that I need to learn to lean. I am acutely aware at how inadequately I do this in my day to day life. I am a fixer. I am a planner. I do not do surprises well. I thrive under pressure and I enjoy routine. That is me. All of these personality traits tend to go against the meaning "lean".

It should not come as a surprise that I am hesitant to embrace this for the year, but I truly feel led to allow it to be the word that defines 2017.

Over the last year I have experienced indescribable heartache and lingering grief. I have had my best laid plans scattered in the wind, only to be amazed by God’s provision and order. While I know accepting to learn to lean is necessary, I also know it will be challenging.

I’ve been trying to gauge what this will look like for me this year and I have chosen some areas to really focus on this year. Some are similar to last year, but with a new word, there will also be new outcomes. While I could never foresee all that God has in store for me and my family, I know His plan is perfect. I know His actions are good. I know as I learn to truly lean on Him that I will grow my relationship with Him.

Learning to Lean in 2017

My Family

-depend on my husband more (give up more of my need to control)

-rely on God for wisdom in raising and making decisions for our children

-relying on God to grow our family how and when He chooses

Health

-relying on God to lead me to the right doctors and professionals

-depending on God to help me get back on track with eating and exercise

-relying on God to help me recover completely, both physically and emotionally

Home

-relying on God’s provision

-depending on God to direct us to the perfect plan and resources for our new home

Work

-depending on God to give me wisdom, patience, and endurance

Interpersonal

-relying on God to show me ways to strengthen relationships

-trusting God to bring those that I need into my life

-seeking God’s will for my friendships

-trusting God to help me develop relationships with others that I can help

It may seem like I have a lofty list, but the majority of these areas are intertwined. If you notice, the word lean is full of action. I know my shortcomings, but they do not define me. God will do a great work with me this year as I learn to lean into Him. It is my hope and prayer that I will be able to pay it forward through this season of growth and leave the lives I encounter better than they were before.

What will you be aiming for this year?

Linking up with Mommy Moments

Restoration in Review: 2016

I chose the word “Restoration”for the year of 2016. I worked hard to make change and as life goes, things did not quite turned out as I had planned…for better and for worse. I’ve learned so much in these past two months alone. Here is how Restoration panned out this past year.

Restore My Health

-Lower BP

Despite losing weight, this did not change. I meet with my doctor in January to look at what else I can do…especially since quitting my job is not an option.

-Overall health/fitness

Between February and June I had lost 25lbs. Since October I have put a lot of this back on for a variety of reasons.

-Address current health concerns

Most issues have been resolved. My shoulder still gives me some issues and there are still a couple minor things, but overall, I’m happy that the majority of my health concerns are no longer prevalent.

Restore Relationships

-More face time

I did not get to hang out with people as much as I had hoped.

-Less social media

I took a major step back. I’ve apologized for not knowing what’s going on in the lives of others since I almost never look at my FB feed. I can post pictures for family and friends without even going to the app. Quite frankly, if it weren’t for the ease of being able to share photo updates with those people, I’d get off FB permanently.

-Snail mail

I definitely sent out more than usual this year.

-Acts of kindness

I don’t think anyone can ever do enough of this.

-Date my husband

We managed to get in a date almost every month!

Restore My Prayer Life

-Create a place of prayer

-Dive wholeheartedly into the Word

-Devote one-on-one time with the Lord daily

These areas, while slightly improved, still have a lot of room to grow.

Restore Order in My Home

-All meals at the table

-Complete unfinished projects

-Establish a cleaning routine

-Purge unneeded/unnecessary items from our home

At the end of July we moved into a much smaller rental. We do not even have room for a table…alas our family dinners take place together in the living room. I can’t wait to get our new house built. However, because off the move, we were forced to get those projects that had been stalled for years completed. We also purged SO MUCH STUFF during the move. There is still much more to rid ourselves of, but we made a major dent.

I am hopeful for this New Year. I foresee a fair amount of change in our future, but prayerfully, the majority will be good. I’ll soon be sharing the word that I have chosen for this upcoming year and what we are looking forward to.

Two Months After Tragedy

I realize the blog has been particularly quiet lately. We have had a lot of life happening and I just could not justify missing it to sit in front of my laptop. I hope to be slowing down. There is a lot I want to share…things I feel I need to share.

Beauty from the ashes.

December 11^th marked two months since the tragedy. Two months. It has been an amount of time that both seems so short and so long ago at the same time.

It has been two months of recovery, physically, emotionally and mentally. There are moments that I feel like I’ve come so far in the way that I have been coping and then there are moments when a sound or smell triggers a memory that sends my mind whirling back to the day. My heart races. The adrenaline shoots through my veins. I find myself shaking.

In those moments, I frantically seek for the familiar. I look or listen for something that brings me back to my reality. Fortunately, I find it.

Over the last month it has become fairly evident that it is assumed that I am back to “normal”. I suppose because of my personality, it should just be natural for me to jump back into life as it was before. However, life is not like it was before. To those who think it has all been “fixed” and I am “better”…please, give me more time without judgement.

In a recent session with my pastor and his wife, we discussed my grief and how this event has changed my life. It is not something I want to “just forget” and move on from. It is my new normal and it is shaping who I believe God is wanting me to become.

I have been reading through Holley Gerth’s book, You’re Goingto Be Okay. I have been amazed at how, with each chapter, the content is precisely what I need for what I am experiencing. Here are a couple of gems I have been mulling over the last couple of days…

“It’s clear he wants us to thrive. He longs to bless us, yearns to bring us joy, stops at nothing to make sure we have an opportunity to experience life to the full…those places of pain are not where we’re made to dwell” (p.112)

“Jesus said, ‘I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full’ John 10:10. He didn’t say an easy life. He didn’t say a self-indulgent life where all your wishes are granted. He didn’t say a life free from pain. But he did say a full life. One of joy, peace, love, and hope. It’s not only possible---it’s promised” (p.117)

I know there are still some who are not familiar with what has happened and in time, I believe that part of my testimony will be shared. October 11^th has become a part of me. However, as the Lord continues to remind me, it is not who I am. The flashbacks and the nightmares are not where I am meant to dwell. God does not mean for me to live without joy and happiness.

If you are going through a season of grief, sadness or pain, remember, while it may not seem as such, it is only temporary. This truth has become prevalent as we head into this Christmas season. Jesus Himself was no stranger to the aches in this life. After all, it is why He came. His descent from Heaven to Earth was to bring the promise of Hope and Joy. In knowing the days we would face ahead, God knew we would need something to cling to. That Hope came in the form of a baby in a manger. It came in the form of a man, leading a perfect, sinless life, who would later die for the sins and imperfections of all. It came in the form of a Savior on a cross, who would breathe His last breath to give us Life.

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save
the world through him.”
John 3:17

Linking up for Mommy Moments

Treading the Waves

How are you doing? This has become the most frequently, awkwardly asked question in my life. The questioning comes with sincerity. The awkwardness comes from an inward place. I struggle with how to respond. I am not one to sugar coat things and honesty has always been the best policy…but I know people want to hear that I’m fine. I know they want to hear that I’m doing okay.

 In a lot of ways I am.

I am remaining grateful. I am learning the meaning of true grace. I am sleeping at night. My appetite has returned. I do not cry all day, every day anymore.

So, in comparison, I am doing better.

And yet, in a lot of ways I am not.

I struggle with enjoying the good things in my life. I know His grace is what I need, especially during this time, but it is hard to accept. I sleep, but sometimes the dreams are haunting. My appetite has returned but I’m not caring for myself the way I was before…I’m way off track. I do not cry all day, but I cry most days.

 There is a lot of healing still ahead. The physical pain comes and goes these days. At times, normal tasks are still difficult and by the end of the day, I need an ice pack and/or ibuprofen.

 I’ve come along way though in almost 3 weeks. I’ve accepted that I need to embrace a new normal, and I will…it will just take time.

 Lately, when people ask how I’m doing, the most honest answer I can muster without going into detail that will make them regret asking is, “it comes in waves.” It is the best way to describe how life is right now. I remember my first trip to the ocean and my first experience in the waves. There were moments of fun and laughter as I jumped into each wave, feeling it rush past my body. Then, in a split second, I was knocked down…pulled down by the undertow as the waves washed over me. One moment I was happy, enjoying every second of sunshine and the next I was fighting for air.

Waves. It comes in waves.

As I’ve searched for solice in scripture, I’ve run across so many verses that have brought comfort. Some are typical of what one would cling to during difficult times, but then there are ones like this that just hit my heart.

“He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea.”

Job 9:8

Job is describing God. He is the Creator. He made the heavens and placed the stars in the sky. But it was the second part of the verse that caught me. “[He] treads on the waves of the sea.” Those waves that held me captive for moments without air shift at His command. They cause Him no worry. As the waves of grief crash over me, He is fully aware. He treads those waves. He goes before me. He knows the pain I feel. He understands the angst that leaves me unsettled. He sees the waves before they hit. He knows they are coming and acts in mighty ways to help keep me afloat.

He prompts a friend to text or call. He designates days for cards of encouragement in the mail. He knows whose hugs I need. He orchestrates the perfect song on the radio.

 He treads the waves and does not allow me to stay under for long. The waves hit but He is quick to respond and pull me up and with each hit and recovery, I grow stronger.

By His might, I will stand my ground where hope can be found…

Linking up with Mommy Moments