If Today Had a Play List...

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It was one of those days...the kind where you catch moments. These are moments you live daily but for some reason today you become acutely aware of the "now". Today, those moments that made up my day seemed to bring song with them. Music has always served as an avenue of worship and self expression. Maybe it's God's way of bringing some healing to a heart that has been aching. Maybe it's my soul longing to reconnect. Whatever the reason, I thought I'd share the music that has made today's play list.

These songs either literally came to mind at the moment or later in the day as I was reflecting. It's possible these songs were meant to be shared today...from my heart's play list to your ears...

This morning I woke up feeling like I had just laid down. G did not sleep like normal and I can always tell a difference in both of us. The morning was beautiful and God's goodness was evident, even with my tired eyes. How deep is His love for me...

How Deep the Father's Love for Us-Selah

Driving into town midday the emotions of the week caught up with me. My husband had Scotty McCreery in the CD player. When I turned up the volume, this song came on...it was just the reminder that I needed...there is so much to be thankful for...even those things that to the outside world may seem a burden. I'm thankful for dirty dishes...

Dirty Dishes-Scotty McCreery

I came home, unloaded the groceries and got G a snack. She was in need of a nap after a long morning. I never get tired of those quiet moments in the rocking chair. I know some day she'll out grow my lap but until then I'll savor every moment. I've sung this song to her since she was in the womb...

Mother Like Mine-The Band Perry

I've had dishes and laundry staring me in the face all afternoon...but how can I say no to uninterrupted time with my toddling babe. She's recently found a love for dancing and why I sang this song to her I don't know...but it popped in my head and she thoroughly enjoyed dancing with Mommy in the kitchen...(and in my defense...I only sang parts of it and made up lyrics just for my girl).

Hey Ya!-OutKast

We made it through the afternoon without any meltdowns or glitches (other than I have been losing everything today...nothing has been where I thought I left it ::sigh::) We finally made our way to the couch to wind down before bedtime. She picked out a color for her toenails and while I painted her little piggies we watched some classic Winnie the Pooh and I admit, every time I hear that little bear sing this song it takes me back to my childhood...



The Little Black Rain Cloud-Winnie the Pooh

I had some personal moments today where that all too familiar sadness made it's way into my heart. I hate this ache...this song has been and remains a comfort to me when the "what ifs" arise...



Hope Now-Addison Road

As a new cycle begins, without any assistance this go around, I'm feeling pretty disheartened knowing that my body does not do what it's supposed to on its own. It's frustrating but I also know that it's a time like this that God could use to show His ultimate power. Only He can bless our home with another child and if I need to take this time to grow, wait, and continue to hope than I will. Whenever I find myself longing for what has yet to come, this song is usually in the back of my mind...even though I've yet to meet the one that I believe God will bring into our lives, it's as if I've already loved him/her for a thousand years...

A Thousand Years-Christina Perri

As the rain passes through this evening, I sit in a quiet house. My hubby has been gone for 3 days now and I eagerly await his return tomorrow. This last song came to me as I was trying to tidy the house. It encompasses so many good things that are my life. Despite my dreams and the hope I have for what may or may not come, I have been blessed...these blessings include an amazing husband, a home to call my own, a beautiful daughter, a career I love, and a God who never quits, never gives up on me, and provides all that I could ever need and more...He is truly the heart of my world.



Heart of the World-Lady Antebellum





Infertility Hurdles: It's All In Your Head

I mentioned the other day that I've felt really compelled to blog a series of posts on infertility hurdles. Needless to say, it's been a really tough week. What looked so promising ended up being a bust. Why is something that is supposed to be so "natural" so ridiculously hard?!

There are so many difficulties that lie within the realm of infertility. It is an all encompassing medical matter. The heart, mind and body are all impacted.

I thought I'd begin focusing on the mind. If you've been in the Land of Infertility for any amount of time it's likely that you've heard something like this...

"If you'd just stop thinking about it..."
"Once you stop trying..."
"Just relax..."


::via::

You'll run into these well-meaning "best of intentions" at some point if you haven't already. It's only natural for our friends and family (and did I mention complete strangers) to offer advice on something they know very little about. They want to make us feel better...oh if they only knew how words can hurt.

A war begins to wage in your mind. You begin to question your self-worth, your ability to be a good mom, your choices, and your future. One of the biggest questions is "when will it be my turn?!" Unfortunately there is no cookie-cutter standard for a time frame. For some it's the first round of meds and for some it's never. Most of us fall somewhere in between.

With every baby shower invite, birth announcement, pregnancy announcement and trip into Wal-Mart you are bombarded with baby.

Unfortunately, it's not like the desensitization of children with video games. For those struggling with infertility, this constant exposure only makes the longing worse.

Not only do you question your time, but you frequently wonder how all of these people who, despite your desire to not pass judgment, can have kids that they tend to so carelessly. Why do drug users, abusers, teenagers, etc. get to bring life into this world when you have a loving, stable home in which to raise a child? It makes no sense...and that is something that sooner or later, you'll just have to accept. Tough stuff, but true.

You walk around raw. Broken. Struggling to hold onto hope.

Your life becomes a roller coaster of emotions. Your cry frequently and avoid certain social situations. You separate your times of waiting. It probably goes something like this...

::via::

From personal experience, these thoughts and constant highs and lows, when not dealt with, can lead to depression. I struggled silently for the majority of our TTC journey. It wasn't healthy and impacted every area of my life. That's why, when we decided to TTC this time around, I knew I needed to do something different. I'm finding my voice.

There is no one thing that you can do to over come the sadness that comes from infertility, but you can do many little things to help yourself along the way.

-Talk about it. This is not easy for most but it is necessary. Maybe there is one person you feel you can trust. Possibly join a support group. Don't try to work it out on your own.

-Speak with your doctor. Make sure that your physician is aware of how you are feeling. They need to help keep this in check.

-Take mental breaks. Maybe you have a hobby or enjoy the outdoors. Find something to occupy your mind for even a moment...because lets face it, when you are TTC it is almost impossible to think about anything else.

-Journal. This was something I did faithfully. It's how I recognized (although after the fact) that I was dealing with depression. When your thoughts are penned to paper, they are no longer captive.

-Chocolate. Okay. This is not the best advice and I do kind of kid when I mention this one, but there is something about a moment with chocolate that makes the world seem momentarily right again.

-Cling to your faith. As a Christian, I did not fully rely on God to get me through that time. I admit it. I wanted to control something and while I could actually control none of it, I didn't turn to Him the way I should have. I was not in the Word faithfully, and I began feel like my prayers were rote as opposed to from the heart. I became numb. I didn't live what I truly believed. I lost sight of the fact that God is in control, that He has a beautiful plan for my life, and that His miracles take time. Delving into His Word helps to keep these truths fresh when Satan tries to tell us otherwise.

::via::

I hope you'll find some comfort here, regardless of how you can relate. Remember it's not all in your head. What you feel is real. And maybe you are a friend of someone TTC. Use this information to your advantage.  Don't give advice. Don't pity. Be a friend. Be a shoulder. Pray.



Oh Hey Friday! Fall Favorites Wardrobe Wish List

It's Friday! The mornings and evenings here in Central Virginia have been so fall like that I'm starting to get the bug. Fall colors are my favorite...especially in clothing.

Based on my current (typical) wardrobe it's obvious that I'm far from any Fashionista but I thought I'd share a few of my fall favorites. I don't know if they'll make it into my closet this year but a girl can dream...

[Plaid]
I've always been a sucker for plaid...maybe it's my days of being raised on the farm or being married to a good ol' country boy, but I truly believe a lady can rock plaid. I'm a particular fan of this Plaid Flannel Pop-over shirt from Old Navy.

[Ginger]

I adore this Soda Fountain Dress in Ginger from ModCloth. Visions of brown boots and leggings are dancing in my head...

[Blues and Browns]

As a fading red head I love to accent my hair and eyes with colors that compliment both. Blues and browns do it every time...which leads me to love this Commit It To Memoir Dress from ModCloth.

[Boots]

I do not currently own a pair of boots...unless rubber or snow counts...and I thought these Hailey Jeans Co. Buckle High Heel Boots in Brown could do the trick.

[Gold n Gems]

This necklace from Target just screams fall to me. I'd love to add this to my jewelry box!

What would you love to wear this fall?

*I was not compensated in anyway to oogle over these items.*

Linking up with the Farmer's Wife



Thoughts for Thursday

The Washington Monument
January 2012

Is the weekend here yet?! It has been a really tough week here in the Land of Infertility. This was yet another "no go" month and it never gets easier. I've had to count my blessings over and over.

One of those blessings is my best friend. While we're at two completely different points in our lives she provides ample support and because she is "my person" she just knows what I need.

I bring her up to say that I'm super excited about visiting her. She lives in DC and G and I will be making our way there in a couple of weeks. I haven't been since 2012 (it was the first part of the year and freezing)  and there are several things we're looking forward to.

Laura and I at the Arlington Cemetery
January 2012

We've made plans to take G to the zoo and of course we'll scope out a cupcake shop or two. There will be coffee, laughter and some much needed down time. It will be such a nice distraction.

My primary prayers are safe travel for myself and the itty bitty as well as prayer that G will sleep in her new surroundings.

In other news,

::via::

I hope you'll join us for this week's Thoughts for Thursday!

Linking up with Annie for Thoughts on Thursday



Cherry Pie Bubble Bread

I've tried several new recipes lately but this one I just have to share. It's like Christmas in a pan. Yes. Christmas in a pan. That is what I will call it.

I found the original recipe at The Taylor House.

I opted for this recipe for a work birthday breakfast. Big hit! I've already got my own personal Cherry Cheesecake version in the works. If it passes the test, I'll share it with you soon.

Ok...I digress. Without further ado, here is what you've been waiting for.

Cherry Pie Bubble Bread

3 cans of buttermilk biscuits,  quartered
1 can cherry pie filling
1tsp. cinnamon

Glaze:
1c. Powdered sugar
2Tbsp.  Almond milk (or your milk of choice)
1 tsp. vanilla

Preheat your oven to 350.

Quarter the biscuit dough.

Mix in the cherries and cinnamon.

Pour into a greased pie pan.

Bake for 30-40 minutes.

Cool slightly. While it's cooling, combine the remaining ingredients into a medium bowl. Mix well. Pour the glaze over the slightly warm bread.

Enjoy!

Linking up with Green Fashionista for Tasty Tuesday. 

It's Time to Share

::via::

Two years ago this past Wednesday remains a very special day for my husband and I. It was the day our lives changed forever and our hearts’ cries were answered. It was the day I got my first BFP! (For those of you not familiar with the lingo that stands for a Big Fat Positive on a pregnancy test.) It was a time in our lives we’ll cherish forever.

Celebrating our BFP in August 2012

Now that we are on the TTC journey once again, I long for that same moment of initial disbelief. Every month that passes and does not result in fulfilling our dream for another child brings back the emotions that continue to haunt me. Doubt. Fear. Anxiety. Guilt. These painful feelings often make me feel less and alone.

This time around I’ve been doing things a bit differently to handle the emotions and thoughts that tend to come with repeated failure. 

::via::



1. I’m talking. When we went through our first attempt at conceiving I did not tell anyone. When I realized our dreams may not come true I found it even more difficult to talk about our struggles. I battled depression silently. Relationships were negatively impacted and my faith became luke warm. This time I’ve come to realize the importance of talking about our struggles with infertility and that there is no shame in what we’re going through.

::via::

People are surprised that we are struggling with infertility since we “already have a child”. What they fail to realize or maybe just don’t know, is that infertility doesn’t just “go away.” I don’t ovulate on my own despite weight loss and a change in eating habits and exercise. I have to rely on medication to help but this medication is only allowed for a few cycles due to its stress on the reproductive system. People also think that I should just be content with what we have. I do not ever want to sound ungrateful. I am so unbelievably blessed to be the mother to our daughter. She came to us after a very long time of trial and error, tears and heartache. 

She is not just my daughter. She is proof of God’s continued goodness and response to prayer. She is a miracle. 

I try not to feel guilty (although I have in the recent past) for wanting another when there are some who may never get the opportunity. I know how blessed I am. However, the desire to grow our family weighs heavily on both of our hearts (my hubby longs to add to our family as well) and we truly believe that God would not place such a passion in our hearts if He did not have plans to fulfill them. So please…don’t tell us to just be content with what we have. Also please don't tell us to "just adopt." It's not that simple...My hubby and I are very open to adoption and just like last time, we continue to pray about this option but do not feel led at this time to pursue this route. 

It’s so important for me to be able to be open about infertility. It is a real medical issue that is expensive, often requires life style changes, medication, and sometimes results in surgical and/or other invasive medical procedures…and yet, unlike diabetes or cancer, most insurances in most states do not cover anything related directly to infertility. I need to talk about this. I need to advocate. I need to let others know they are not alone.


2. This brings me to the next thing I’ve changed this go around. I’m reaching out. I’m learning what is available to me and what may or may not be beneficial. I changed medical professionals so that I was getting better care and I’m regularly trying to connect with others dealing with infertility. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been trying for 6 months or 6 years, every negative test and failed attempt breaks yet another piece of you. Ironically, it's been through this experience that I've found out just how strong I can be...

 

As a Christian, I sincerely believe God has a plan for my life and that His timing is perfect. I also believe however that due to sin’s presence in this world, there are things that we will face that require extra assistance. Infertility is one of those things. I’ve learned so much and have found a growing amount of support from connecting with others who are also facing infertility. 

 

::via::

3. Getting in the Word. When we were TTC our daughter, my faith really fell into a dark, mediocre place. I prayed continually until I didn’t feel like I even knew what to say any more. There were times when I felt like my prayers were bouncing off the floor of Heaven. Was God really listening? The answer to that is yes. His love for me is woven through this journey we’ve been on and He will continue to rain down His love and grace on us as we carry on.

I’m in the beginning stages of starting a new Bible Study. I am SO EXCITED! God has brought some amazing women in my life and together we are going to start this journey in the Word. We can’t make it through all that infertility throws at us without a foundation in scripture. This is probably the most important aspect of my healing and motivation to continue hoping even when every part of me is tired of doing so. I need those precious reminders of His love and I need His words to rebuke the lies that Satan repeatedly tries to impress upon my heart and mind.

::via::

 

I write all of this to say that I’ve also felt led to do a little blog series on Infertility Hurdles. Such topics will include (but not limited to) infertility’s impact on relationships, the physical, emotional and mental strain, and self-care. I hope you’ll join me as I begin this outreach opportunity. I am not an expert and can only provide insight from my perspective, experience and research. I don't pretend to know everything about the struggle. My journey is my own just as yours is to you. However, if anything I've experienced can make just one person feel encouraged than I've used the pain for good. It is a part of my testimony.

If you are struggling with infertility, please feel free to contact me. I truly feel God has brought me through something that I can no longer dismiss, especially since we are facing it once again. Don’t fight this alone. Get mad. Allow yourself to cry…but don’t lose hope.

Pins that Work



It's another Oh Hey Friday! I've survived my first week of school, which I'll probably share about at some point. Tonight I'll be hosting a little get together at my house and after a long week, it's the perfect way to wind down. Who doesn't enjoy a good laugh with girlfriends?

::via::

I've been trying to utilize some of my pins on Pinterest. I only have hundreds that I haven't tried (but swear I will someday.) I thought I'd share with you a few pins that I've personally tried and have found to be successful. Let's face it, there are many wonderful sounding ideas (particularly recipes) and then, once you try them, they don't make the cut. I hope to share a few that you'll find helpful.

[Removing Grease Stains]
Who hasn't accidently dropped a chicken wing or something else grease laden on their shirt or pants? If you haven't, maybe you're not enjoying life to its fullest. For those of us that end up with the mysterious or not so mysterious grease stains on our clothing, there is hope. This past week I indeed required some assistance with a grease stain acquired during dinner. Tara at We Got Real has an excellent method for removing these types of stains. I actually came home and followed her instructions. I held my breath as I pulled my khakis from the washer and tada! No more grease stain!

 

 

[Clean Floors]

Having a toddler, spills are inevitable. Don't you just love walking into the kitchen, or any other room for that matter, and have your foot stick to the flooring? Your mind goes through many scenarios as to how it got there and what it might be. I'm all about a clean floor. I have fallen for this simple DIY cleaning solution. It smells fresh, doesn't leave any type of film and is very inexpensive...not to mention my floors look fabulous!

 

 

 

[BBQ Chicken and Kale Pizza]

This is a personal favorite that was created in my own kitchen. I haven't made it in a while but have added to the menu once again. It's full of fiber, protein and a great way to get in your greens.

 

 

 

[Healthy Peanut Butter Chunk Oatmeal Bars]

As a sweet lover I am always skeptical about sweets that are deemed "healthy". Typically they have a cardboard texture/taste and I feel as though I've wasted not only time but ingredients to make some of these things. With that being said, I shared those same hesitations when I stumbled upon this recipe for Healthy Peanut Butter Chunk Oatmeal Bars. I made them as snack for a road trip we took...and to my surprise, they were pretty tasty! In fact, my hubby and mom gave their approval. Besides what's not to love about chocolate and peanut butter?

 

 

 

[Fruit Salsa]

This is one of my personal favorites. I wanted a taste of something light and fresh that wouldn't make me need a nap afterwards. I came across this recipe for Fruit Salsa and Cinnamon Chips. Super easy. Super good. I imagine you could add a variety of other fruits, but it would not be necessary. The combination of fruits listed in the ingredients is a perfect mixture. Note: Instead of using the brown sugar and preserves in the original recipe, I used 1tbsp. of sugar-free raspberry jello powder mix.

 

 

 

**All photos are stock and can be found by clicking on the corresponding links**

 



Linking up with September Farm



Thoughts for Thursday

There are a lot of things I could talk about today...and it's too easy to sit and focus on what could have been or what might be and miss what is going on right now. I want to focus on the present...this beautiful, precious, fleeting life of  blessings.

::via::

In light of our current circumstances, there really is so much good. One of my favorite moments from the last few days comes from this past weekend.

My hubby has been dying to get our little one on the four wheeler. I refused to allow this until we had a helmet that would fit her tiny toddler head. On Saturday I went to a huge consignment sale, and among the much  needed pajamas and fall/winter clothing scores, I happened upon a helmet that was just her size.

The hubs was so excited!!! We could not go out on Saturday thanks to the evening weather...but Sunday, well that was a whole new day.

That evening we geared her up and set her on the four wheeler for the first time. She wasn't too sure of it at first, but then grew to really enjoy it.

We joined up with my in-laws and rode into the orchard. We stopped by some nectarine and peach trees for a little break where we stocked up on some fresh fruit.

G enjoyed some nectarine thanks to Papa.

She then took a stroll with Papa and Granny...

We eventually headed back where we all cleaned up and headed to bed soon thereafter. I can't get enough of our little miracle. Every moment is so precious and gone too quickly and for each one of those moments I am so thankful.

::via::


Linking up with Annie for this week's TFT.

Tasty Tuesday: Taco Pasta Bake

Taco Tuesday is huge at our house and I do my best to introduce new recipes on a regular basis. Over the weekend I decided to try one of my pins to see if it would be suitable for one of our favorite nights of the week.

This pasta dish is simple and oh so good. You can find the original recipe here. Here's how it happened at my house...

Ingredients:
1lb ground beef
1pkg. Taco seasoning (low sodium)
4 oz cream cheese (low fat), cubed
1c. Shredded Mexican cheese
1c. Water
12oz. dry ziti

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350.
Brown and drain the beef.

Cook the pasta according to package directions.

Mix in the water and taco seasoning with the beef. Heat on medium for 5 minutes and add the cream cheese. Once the cream cheese is melted add 1/2 of the shredded cheese.

Spread the drained pasta in a 9×13 pan. Pour the meat mixture over the pasta and toss together.

Sprinkle the remaining cheese on top. Bake for 20 minutes. 

Enjoy! This would pair nicely with a salad.  We did fresh fruit.

Even the itty bitty enjoyed it.

Linking up with Green Fashionista for 

Tasty Tuesday.