The Truth Hurts

We've all heard that the truth hurts. It simply means that we do not like what we are being forced to hear, face or endure. I find myself in a season that is overwhelmingly full of hard truths. Sometimes I am the one dealing with the difficulty and sometimes I am the person that must share the hard news. I am honestly not sure which end I'd rather be on.

About two years ago I felt especially convicted to share some words and ask some difficult questions of someone I love dearly. I knew there would most likely be repercussions but this person and I had been in a similar situation before, so I was hopeful that I would see positive fruits as a result of my willingness to move forward once again. However, I battled with this. I did not want to risk the relationship. I did not want to cry. I did not want this person to feel attacked. As we all know, we don't always get what we want.

The words I spoke were taken out of context. The questions I asked were deemed imposing and disapproving. Everything I had not wanted to happen, despite earnestly praying for a better outcome, happened. I was devastated. One of my closest and dearest friends was no longer speaking to me...and basically has not since. Today is an especially hard day as I see the direction of the life that this person has chosen. It is painful. It feels almost as if a death has taken place. That is the near level of grief I have encountered as this day has approached. It is a day I should be present for, but am not wanted. It is a day that should be taking place under different circumstances. Alas, here I am, sitting with the truth.

I struggle...although the word struggle hardly feels adequate. I have to sit with the truth that these are the choices of this person. These are the walls that this person has put up. Only continued prayer and time may bring them down.

I've wrestled with this whole "speak truth" concept for a while now. It seems when I do, someone is offended, hurt, or needs to take a step back from me. I always come at it with love, but the truth hurts.

  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Eph. 4:15

It can be painful to share the truth. It can be frightening, but it should always be done in and out of love. I am known for not sugar coating things and it's true that I often say things that people simply do not want to hear...but I cannot help it. I cannot help how I feel the Spirit move. I have come to terms with the fact that there will be unpleasant repercussions. I am also reminded that there can be severe consequences. In fact, Christ was battered, scorned, humiliated and hung a cross for speaking truth. While my current circumstances cause anguish, they have yet to cause me death. However, the principal is the same.

We must put off the need to sugar coat and versions of half truths. We need to speak in love. We need to speak the Truth in love as God leads. God holds us to that expectation and I for one would rather lay my head on my pillow and sleep soundly with the knowledge that I have honored my God then to lose sleep over not following His leading.

Scripture promises difficult times, but it also promises great reward for pursuing Christ. Each encounter we have with someone is an opportunity for God to use us. Do not shy away. While in the moment, and in this case, years, the pain may cause heartache, I can rest assured that His Word will not return void. His purpose will prevail. He remains good. He remains faithful.

Truth remains.

Jehovah Shalom: The Lord is Peace

Peace.

A single syllable word that has the ability to hold more promise than its five letters can simply convey. We want it. We hope for it. We need it.

God promises it.

I myself will tend my sheep and give them a place to lie down in peace, says the Sovereign Lord.

Ezekiel 34:15

Over the last month I have dealt with levels of anxiety that I have not experienced in quite some time. The sweaty palms, quickened heart rate, nauseated stomach, social situation avoidance…the symptoms are many. Nothing about these moments have been peaceful. I fight a continuous battle between what I feel and what I know. My sour stomach constantly reminds me that I am not at peace. The nightmares remind me that my world has been shaken. The flashbacks bring tears that I wish I could stop crying.

This is real life. Not only am I working through all of this, but there is the rest of “life” that I am forced to deal with. It is quite overwhelming.

Peace.

I want it. I hope for it. I need it.

God promises it.

God is peace. He is Jehovah Shalom.

Too often I think we find ourselves living in the “what ifs”. What if this happens? What if that goes bad? What if…what if…what if…the possibilities of “if” are endless. I imagine Satan rubbing his hands together as a cruel smile crosses his face with each “what if” that sends us further and further into a spiral. Because of our sin nature, we naturally gravitate toward the negative. We tend to find the worst in situations. We imagine the worst, even if it is unlikely to happen. We let the “what ifs” get the better of us. The more “what ifs” we cram into our hearts and heads, the less space there is for peace to reside.

We are not meant to live this way.

In order to allow God to move in our lives as Jehovah Shalom, we have to make a conscience effort to adjust our thinking. We have to not immediately jump to the negative or what if. Is this easy? No. Necessary? Yes.

I have been continually seeking God in prayer. I have been writing scripture on my heart for when my anxiety begins to arise. Am I always successful? No. But I am making progress. I’m trying to allow God to penetrate my heart with His peace. I am trying to let His words reverberate in my head. It’s a process. This peace extends far beyond just the ache that I have been dealing with over the last month. It is relevant for the present and will be beneficial in the future. I’m learning how to fully accept His peace while working through my feelings.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!” As he spoke these words to me, I suddenly felt stronger and said to him, “Please speak to me, my lord, for you have strengthened me.”

Daniel 10:19

Despite my best efforts, there will always be things out of my control. However, the One who holds my life in His hands is the One who is in control of everything. He is my God. He is my Peace. He is Jehovah Shalom.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Isaiah 26:3

You're Going to be Okay...A Bookshelf Reminder

Aside from work, I have been laying pretty low lately. My body is still recovering, and emotionally, being in groups is difficult right now. I struggle to accept the “nothing but love” that is showered upon me in the presence of large numbers. It’s overwhelming.

Over the last few days, I have been reminded of the importance of human interaction and establishing normalcy. I’ve had flashbacks to the darkest time in my life up to this point and I know the signs of depression. I also know interventions and positive steps towards not falling into such a despondent state. I learned during that time, while some quiet and solitude can be healthy, complete isolation is not. Trouble comes when you cannot bring yourself to do the things you used to love.

 This past week I forced myself to attend my infertility support group meeting. My co-leader led the meeting, which was greatly appreciated. We only had a couple ladies attend this month, but even that was a bit challenging for me from a social standpoint. This isn’t me. I don’t shy away from my ministry. I don’t avoid those that I love…but right now it is just so hard.

 On Friday, I attempted a little “me time.” My husband had the kids and I was completely on my own. Truth be told, I wanted to go home, crawl under the covers and go to sleep. It would be easier than trying to stop myself from crying in public. However, healing does not come through avoidance.

I decided to visit a bookstore. I sat in the car for a few minutes getting a game plan in mind. My friend from back home had recommended a book that she felt might help me through some of this season. I knew where the Christian book section was in the store and I did not figure I’d have to be in there long to find it. I got out of the car and made my way towards the entrance. I’m still a little slow in the going so thank you, sir, in the idling car who patiently waited for me to cross the walkway.

I entered the store and the tempting scent of coffee wafted around me. I almost opted for a cup but I was on a mission. I went straight to the section that would hopefully house the book I had come for. I began skimming the titles/authors in search of the book. I found the book and took a closer look. Something in me seemed to say that this was not what I needed “right now”. I said a silent prayer. I asked for direction because there was this nagging feeling…a feeling that there was something else I had come for. I became teary as I read through various titles, all seeming wrong. I felt like there was something I was supposed to see, but I just wasn’t seeing it.

I found myself alone in the isle. I was confronted with hundreds of titles, most containing promises of healing, ways to know the love of Jesus, etc. I stood there uncertain of exactly what I needed. In a brief, silent heart’s cry, I begged the Lord to let me know that I was going to be okay. I needed to know that I would make it through this and His purpose would be fulfilled through the circumstances.

I lifted my eyes and they immediately fell upon one title. It was a single copy pressed against the left hand side of the book shelf. Bright, distractingly colored copies of other titles beckoned for attention but my focus was on this one title…

You’re Going to Be Okay

I’ve labeled this experience as divine intervention. So many times over the last week and a half, God has revealed Himself in ways that could never lend themselves to just mere coincidence. God has proven Himself good. He has proven Himself gracious. He has provided. He has calmed and embraced me with His peace and here, once again, in a weary, tear stained moment, He responded.

My heart’s cry: Will I ever be okay? His response: You’re going to be okay.

 The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.

Isaiah 58:11

I bought the book. I have since been diving into its print. It is filled with biblical truth and wisdom. The words jump from the page and straight to my heart. I believe, without a doubt, that this book was meant for me. It is a tangible way for God to reach me. I express myself best through the written word and likewise, I respond well to it.

This ordinary moment in time has made an extraordinary mark on my heart. God continues to respond to the cries of my heart. He continues to make His involvement known. While right now I do not know exactly how He’ll pull us all through this, I know undeniably that He will. His purpose will be fulfilled. His plan will be accomplished…and I will be okay.

 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

Psalm 32:8

*The book that I have been led to read is titled You’re Going to BeOkay: Encouraging Truth Your Heart Needs to Hear, Especially on the Hard Daysby Holley Gerth. I was in no way compensated for this post. Its mention was made on my own accord. However, from what I have read so far, whatever season, no matter how bright or dark, this book is a wonderful, timely read.

When God Uses the Unimaginable

There are terrible life experiences that we would deem unimaginable…unfathomable. We see them on the news, we read them in the paper, and we hear them spread around small towns. Sometimes we know the people. Sometimes we don’t. But what happens when it is you? What happens when you experience the unimaginable?

 I’m processing this very thing right now.

 When I accepted Christ at 7 years old, I knew I loved Jesus. When I recommitted my life at the age of 13 I was on fire for Jesus. I wanted God to use me in big ways to grow the Kingdom. This desire to reach others for Christ led me to being active in my church’s youth/college group, on mission trips, camp counseling and eventually youth ministry. I still get teary at the announcement of someone’s salvation and I often cry at baptisms. To see others recognize their need and love of the Lord overwhelms my heart.

 A while back I recognized that this fire had quieted some. I had become comfortable in my own little world, raising my kids, being a wife, and living out our plans as a family. We’ve kept Christ in our lives and we actively teach our children about His goodness. However, I realized that I was personally becoming a little lukewarm. I’d become very comfortable in letting others do Kingdom work that I could be doing. I asked God to draw me closer to Him. I asked Him to help me help others come to know Him.

“It is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”

Philippians 2:13

He has since responded and it has come through an unimaginable tragedy. The story is one that I  can’t emotionally share at this time but know that it has already etched itself into my testimony. Testimonies are meant to be shared and when the time is right, I’ll be able to do so. Until then, I will remain sifting through the pieces, the emotions and my purpose.

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

 For those who know of the situation, they, like myself, struggle to fathom how it has all come to be. I’ve stopped asking the “why” questions. I do not need those answers and most of the questions that I have posed up to this point have been answered through God’s divine intervention. As time continues on, I hear more and more about how God is using this devastation to further the Kingdom. Hearts are being won for Christ.  While I do not understand the why or what of it all, I do understand that God is using this for good. He is using the pain for His glory and people are being led to salvation. Eyes are being opened. Families are reconnecting. Prayer lives are being rekindled. Appreciation of others is extending. His grace is abounding. His peace is reaching realms beyond our understanding.

 So what do I do and what can I recommend you do when God allows the unimaginable to cause pain?

I suggest, as I am, that you allow Him to heal you.

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

 The pain comes in waves, both physical and emotional. The ache for wholeness is sometimes overwhelming, but it means we are alive. It means our purpose has not been fulfilled. There is still something left for us to do. In my situation, this carries great weight. The extremes that God has used to reach others and change me often leaves me speechless…but only because I know that if He is willing to put me through this, He has something much greater in store. The devastation is not a result of a lack of love. It is not a result of anyone’s disobedience. It is a result of a fallen world and God’s desire to bring us back to Him. Do not stay angry. Do not disconnect. Hold tight to the Healer. Allow Him to embrace you when you ache. Allow your heart to pour out the words that your mouth cannot utter.

I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.

Psalm 143:6

 When we accept Christ that means we accept His purpose for us. We can never fully know what He has in store for us…how He’ll use us. It may not be in the way we’d wish it, but I know without a doubt that it will result in things far better than we could hope for. His will is perfect. His love for us is vast. His grace is sufficient.

 “…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 

Matthew 11:28-29

In those things, we must rest when we experience the unimaginable. Allow yourself to be held.

linking up with Mommy Moments

Get Some Rest

I ran across this printable while I was perusing Pinterest for some Christmas brunch recipes.

I had to just stop and let the words of this verse soak in. How long had it been since I went to be truly alone with God? Sure, I've had my devotion time, but even that tends to be interrupted by little hands and feet. How long? How long since I had allowed the presence of God to surround me, to fill me and restore my weary soul?

From the looks of my tired spirit and mending body, I'm well aware that it has been far to long. My physical body is in serious need of some TLC and I have multiple doctor's visits to prove it. My weary soul and heart are craving peace. It's no wonder that I've had a hard time savoring the Christmas season this year.

I decided today that it has to end. The broken pieces of me need restoration and now is the perfect time. The Christmas season is filled with joy, family and a sense of hope that only seems to come this time of year. The birth and ultimate death and resurrection of our Savior provides a stronghold for the hope we have. I have not been clinging tightly to the right things. I've been letting worry and anxiety take the forefront. I've been letting stress chip away at my health. I am not honoring the debt that my Savior paid. He came so that I would live life abundantly, not mediocre.

I claim this verse through this season. I WILL make time to get away and just be with the Lord. I WILL make time to soak up precious moments with my family. I WILL NOT let anxiety and stress control my thoughts and actions. I will come to Him. I will find rest. I will offer to Him the broken pieces and work through His restoration process.

For in ALL things, He is good.

Linking up with Tuesday Talk
and
Mommy Momments

It's a Boy...

This time last year was super exciting. We were eagerly awaiting the time that we would share the news of our second pregnancy with our families. We knew we'd do it at Christmas and we chose just how we'd make it an extra special surprise for everyone.

A couple months later we got the news that we were having a boy!

I remember hearing those words and watching my husband literally come out of his seat with excitement. I was thrilled at what this meant for us, but a little anxious as I had been a "girl mom" for the last year and a half. It was a journey I was ready to take and I could not wait to add him to our little family.

Over this last week I've been struck with some pretty strong emotions as I reflect, not only on these things, but on advent and the birth of our Savior. I've always been drawn to Mary's story and this year was no exception. However this year, I saw things a little differently.

I imagine Mary. She was a modest, humble girl whose life and faith had found her favor with God. I cannot imagine Mary's whirlwind of emotions as an angel of the Lord explained the coming events. She would become pregnant by the way of a miraculous conception. She would give birth to a son, the Son of God and He would be called Jesus.

When we found out we were expecting, we were elated. We couldn't wait to share the news with family and friends because we knew we would be met with love and congratulatory remarks. However, as you read through Mary's story, she and Joseph were less likely to be met with open arms. They were yet to be married and they could not explain how or why this miracle was laid upon them. I cannot conceive the weight upon their shoulders.

Mary, along with her husband, eventually experienced this world altering birth. However, in those quiet moments after His arrival, I see them just as any other couple. I see a proud father in awe of the tiny fingers that wrap around his pinky. I imagine Mary, holding her baby boy closely to her chest, breathing him in as he settles down to the sound of her familiar heartbeat. I think back to those sweet, silent moments with my own son.

These thoughts have been touching my heart especially tenderly this year. Mary knew from the time of Jesus' conception that He would become the greatest sacrifice and gift that this world has ever known. She would become the mother who would have to watch her son suffer and die on a cross for those who would hate Him. I look into the face of my son and I cannot imagine living with that reality.

I do not know what the Lord has in store for our son. I do not know where the Lord will take him or the lives he will impact. I do, however, know that my son has purpose and promise and that I daily strive to raise him to know and love the Lord.

Mary most certainly faced the same emotions as all mothers. I feel we would have a lot of things in common. Most importantly, we want our children to be raised to know the love of our Savior, to do good for others and to make a difference. So while our responses and lives may vary, our worlds changed forever on the day we heard, "it's a boy!"

Linking up with Mommy Momments

Go To What You Know

This week has held a lot of highs and lows for me on a personal level. In venting to my amazing (and I can't stress that enough) best bud, I was given some advice. I know she will be rolling her eyes because of her humble heart when I say this, but she is truly a source of reason and sensibility. I never face judgment and I always hear truth. Tonight's tidbit?  "Go to what you know..."

 

::via::



Sitting here alone this evening, I've had a little bit of time to reflect on those five words. With what has been on my heart and mind these past few days, it just seems timely and completely appropriate that I focus on what I know as reminders to get me through these moments. This is not an exhaustive list but it is a place to start...It is my hope that you'll find encouragement, just as I have, through the power and truth of God's Holy Word.

::via::

-His mercies are new. Whatever short comings I face today (and I admit this week has been filled with many mommy fails, wife fails, friend fails, etc.) His love and mercy endures. He finds me where I am and will not leave me there to wander.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail. They are new every

morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lam. 3:22-23

-This too shall pass. The things that I'm facing today, tomorrow, haunts from yesterday...all of them are fleeting. They are moments in my life that God can use to mold me. They are also moments that I can use to glorify God, build my testimony and deepen my faith.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long.  Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever.  So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.  For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

2 Cor. 4:17-18

-There is victory. Regardless of disappointments, short comings, and the like, there is victory in Jesus.

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Cor. 15:57

-I am blessed beyond measure, even when my heart hurts.

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.

Jer. 17:7-8

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matt. 5:4

 

 

-His timing is perfect.

Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Ps. 37:4

 

::via::

 

An Egg-stra Special Easter

Easter is always a very special holiday for us and this year will be no exception. This will be G's first Easter...you may be thinking, "but she'll be one and hasn't celebrated her first Easter?" Last year she was born after Easter and this year she will be turning one the day before. We have a full and fun weekend ahead. To get things started, I'm joining Darci from The Good Life and Sarah from Our Journey for their Easter Basket Blog Hop! Feel free to join in!



 

 

With everything we have going on this week in preparation for G's first birthday, I wanted to make sure that I had her basket complete. I've tried not to place too much pressure on myself. While this will be her first Easter and thus, her first Easter basket, I know that she will not likely remember it other than what she sees in pictures. I did however, enjoy putting it together. As she grows we want her to enjoy the holiday but we want the real focus to be on Christ's death and resurrection. Soon I'll be posting some of the traditions that we'll be incorporating into her childhood for Easter.

 

::via::

 

I hope you enjoy taking a peek into her Easter basket.

 

I don't know what I love more...her initial tag that I purchased at Michael's or her Easter basket that I scored at the Dollar Tree.

Growing up, mom always made or bought us a new Easter dress. I plan to keep this tradition for G, but I also like the idea of getting her a new Spring outfit. My hubby actually picked this one out and I think he did a great job! So cute!

 



 

I try to instill the love of reading into our daughter any chance I get...so of course, that means a book for Easter! I love this little story and I can see it easily becoming a family favorite. I also have a weakness when it comes to hair bows. While G doesn't always want to keep them in her hair these days, I enjoy putting one in her hair every chance I get, thus a few made their way into her basket.

 





I found this funny chicken at a local card store. He was on clearance and his silly dancing and clucking made me laugh out loud in the store. I know G will love it! The egg is an egg shaker that I bought a few weeks ago when my friend and I visited a specialty toy store. I bought two, giving her one early just to see her response. I know she'll love it. While she may be a little young for crayons, we discovered that she enjoys making scribbles at one of our favorite restaurants the other day. They have the brown paper on the tables and upon putting a crayon in her hand and showing her what to do, she had a ball!

When you put it all together...what do you have? An adorable Easter basket for our precious little girl.

Isn't that little bunny face to die for?!





Why It Works: 5 Must Haves in a Good Marriage

A picture from our anniversary session celebrating three years!
Big thanks to Shay White Photography

Prior to getting married we were given ample amounts of "advice". I remember someone telling us that the first 3 years of marriage will either make or break us...really? Looking back now, I wish I would have had the sense to have a conversation with that person. 3 years? Other people have said "the first year will be the hardest" or "watch out for the seven year itch"...don't those sentiments warm you all over? While my husband and I have only been married 5 years (which I hope is just a drop in the bucket of many, many years), we've lately been discussing what we feel makes our marriage work. We've watched many couples who have maintained beautifully blessed marriages and we believe we've tapped into some of the most foundational.

1: The Lord is our foundation. C and I were both Christians prior to ever knowing one another. In fact, it was our love of Christ and our love of children and the great outdoors that brought us together. We met at a Christian summer camp where we both were counselors. We were able to get to know one another without any pressure. In fact, when you work at a summer camp, it's likely the other person will often get to see you at your stinky, dirty, exhausted worst. As a dating couple, and continuing on through our marriage, we remain adamant that Christ stay the center of our relationship. He is Who brought us together and He is Who will keep us together.

2: Divorce. Say what?! Divorce is not an option. In fact it is not even in our vocabulary. Leaving is not a choice. Quitting will never be the answer. It is not used as a threat when life gets angry or hard. While divorce is often the end result as evidenced by The American Psychological Association and its reported 40-50% marriage failure rate, we refuse to become part of that statistic. As a child of divorce, I know the impact a failed relationship has on the children and all involved. We have made "until death do us part" the objective of our marriage, and while we pass no judgment on those who choose this option for whatever the reason, we also believe that God is bigger than anything we are facing. We also know that He can make beauty from ashes and we can have redemption through His grace in our circumstances, no matter what choice is made.

3: Dating. As a new, young couple, we had a distant dating relationship. While he lived in Virginia, I was away at college in Alabama. Over 500 miles separated us. We didn't really have the opportunity to date in the traditional sense. So...when we got married in 2008, we decided to make up for lost time, we'd spend the rest of our lives "dating" one another. This concept has become more challenging since the birth of  our daughter last Spring, but we still aim to keep it a part of our marital life. Our dates may consist of dinner and a movie or a night in with pizza by candle light. We used to take romantic weekend trips and hope to get back to that again soon. Dating does not have to be expensive or luxurious. It can be just as romantic and spontaneous without any major cost. Some of our favorite dates are picnics at some of our favorite outdoor locations, hikes, and revisiting areas that hold special memories for us.

4: Little things. Don't neglect the little things. I can't begin to describe how happy my heart gets when I come home after a long day to find the dishes washed or the laundry folded. The nights when he offers to give the baby her bath and put her to bed so I can have a little me time is treasured. Likewise, I love bringing him home his favorite treat (he's a huge fan of peanut m&ms) or cooking him his favorite meal. We take turns picking movies and we share the remote. Compromise is not a skill that is valued by the world but it is essential in a marriage.

5: Love and War. The last 'must have' I'll mention is the necessity of working through your problems. Communication is essential. Don't assume your spouse knows how you feel. Don't fool yourself into thinking he/she can read your mind. It doesn't work that way. Talk it out. Never go to bed or leave the other person while you hold anger in your heart. Above all, say "I love you." Those three little words can be overrated in a society that "loves" everything which is why it is so important to verbalize what it is you love in the other person. What do you value in your spouse? Does she know that you love the way she lights up a room? Does he know you love the way he holds you? The love between a husband and wife goes beyond the fancy frills and monetary things. It is a love that clings to the core of the heart.

When things get hard, remember why you fell in love with that person in the first place.

What types of things keep joy and stability in your marriage? What advice would you give to an engaged couple? May I suggest avoiding the seven year itch comment?