Showing posts with label Tuesday talk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tuesday talk. Show all posts

Sunday, July 17, 2016

We've Been Given the Green Light


-original photo credit-
We get frustrated when we hit a red light because it stops us in our tracks. We cannot move forward until we are given the go ahead. We try to push through the yellow lights so that we can hopefully avoid the red lights. We often rush through in a hurry, rarely looking around to see if anyone else is in our way.

We welcome the green lights. They mean we can pass through freely without hesitation. These traffic signals are similar to the way we approach life. I’m finding myself likening our journey to this vital piece of transportation safety.

 My husband and I ran into many red lights in our attempts to start a family. We eased our way through some yellow lights in hope that we could get through without incident. Finally, we were given our green lights and the miracles that bless our lives came to be.

 For several years now, we have been dreaming a big dream together. We have had a dream to build our own home that incorporates our wishes, style, and future memories. We’ve dreamed of the home our children would grow up in; it is the same home we hope to grow old in. With that undertaking comes a lot of planning, beginning with where we would build.

 The acreage in our area is pretty pricey. This is attributed to the beautiful mountain views and desirable, quiet lifestyle that can be found in the landscape. We had our eyes on several pieces of property but none of them seemed right. They either wanted more than we could afford or we could not get at least the amount of land we have now. We continually felt like we were sitting at a red light that would never change. Fortunately, we did not have to sit there forever.

 Two years ago come this September, we signed our names to a piece of property. It provides gorgeous mountain views and presents us with enough property to hunt, raise a few farm animals and have plenty of play space for the kids. A dream come true…more accurately, an amazing answer to prayer. We had hoped to get at least 6-7 acres, which is what we currently have. The Lord blessed us with 28 acres at a price that was well within our ability to afford. The result was unheard of to the ears of man, unless those ears have ever heard the amazing, miraculous blessings that are granted by the Lord.
We’ve not done a lot to the property as of yet. My husband and his volunteer fire department did burn down the old house on the property. That was an experience. I’m excited to say that we did spare several pieces of wood from the old home to make a farm style table. It will be such a treat to maintain a piece of the old home that once was there.

However, before we can start the table, we need to have a home to put it in. We have been sitting at this red light for almost 2 years. The list of worries, to-do’s and what ifs has been extremely long. At times, we’ve been very overwhelmed and equally frustrated at the lack of forward movement. Why?

The house has not been ready for sale…I mentioned a long list of to-dos.

Where will we stay in the meantime?

We have four dogs and two cats. Most rentals do not allow pets and/or do not have the space to accommodate our animals. What will we do with them?

How will we afford everything?

And then…green light!

In the midst of all these questions, we have been given the green light to begin moving forward with our dream. We still have things we have to complete in the house before putting it up for sale. However, we have a meeting with our realtor the last week of the month. Our goal is to then have the house up for sale by August 15th (or sooner). We have prioritized the things we’d like to have done instead and are focusing on what must be done.

Within the last two weeks, my husband’s grandmother’s house has become available. We will be able to rent this until our house is sold and our new home is built.

The pets? My mom is going to keep our two small dogs. Our two cats will be housed by a friend of mine who also fosters and volunteers with one of the local no-kill shelters. We are currently still trying to determine what we’ll be able to do with our two large dogs, but everything else has worked out. I have no doubt that this will too.

We have always had a budget and adjusted prior to the birth of our son. Maternity leave cuts my check a great deal and we altered our budget to accommodate this change. I’ll receive my full check again this fall, which will help a lot. My husband has been working a lot of overtime (mandatory). This serves as a mixed blessing. We miss him dearly when he is gone for several days at a time, but the extra funds will definitely be helpful. We’re selling things that we do not need and cutting corners where we can. I know undoubtedly that we will be fine.

 I think I get so wrapped up in the details because I am a planner. I have to know how things are going to work out and I get stressed and anxious when I do not know or cannot fix them. I also like control. I like to control the outcome. I have a vision and it is hard for me to let go of what I think would be best. However, this part of our journey has reminded me that I do not always know what may be best. I would have had us moved out and building two years ago, but the timing was not right. I see that now
 I have also been reminded that no matter what lies before me or what the future holds, God is already there. He already has the best in place for me. It is merely my job to go as He instructs. At the end of this month we will be making the move into our rental. Prayerfully our old house will sell quickly and the building will begin shortly after. I look forward to sharing more about this new chapter in the days to come.

What have you been given the green light to do?

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Thursday, May 5, 2016

When Mother's Day Hurts


I've been that woman. The woman sitting in the church pew on Mother's Day Sunday morning, gripping the edge of my pew with both hands so I won't leave. I hang my head during the songs of worship to hide my tears. I feel guilty for not being happy...for not praising my God for all He has done. I feel guilty for not raising my voice in song because of the fear that if I utter a sound, I'll loose my composure. I ache because of my barrenness. I envy the new mother next to me. I fight bitterness at the sight of all the beautiful families dedicating their tiny babes to the Lord during the baby dedication service. I fear that I will never be the woman holding her own child. I want to scream, "why you and not me?!" at the barely out of high school girl sitting behind me as she shifts because of the weight of her pregnant belly.

I've been that woman.

I've been the woman who, on Mother's Day, is not grateful for the blessings that I have been so quick to forget. I don't rejoice in the fact that I am still fortunate to have my own mother alive and well. I don't rejoice in the fact that I have a husband who has stood by me, month after month, as I experience the hormonal highs and lows of the fertility meds, and then holds me when I cry myself to sleep because of yet another negative pregnancy test. I've been the woman who wonders if God truly hears the silent prayers of my heart and the outpourings of my words as I weep in the silence.

I've been that woman.

And yet...I am better because of it. Little did I know at the time, God was preparing me for something bigger than myself. He was writing our story...a beautiful story of hope. He was developing my testimony. He was cultivating my relationship with Him and strengthening my relationship with my husband. He was ensuring that I would not take a day with my children for granted. He was shaping my yet to be ministry.

If someone would have told me during my infertility journey that God would be leading me into such amazing, Kingdom building things, I would have refuted the words. I was so broken. I'm proof that God can use even the broken. He can heal. He can astonish. He is still in the business of miracles.

5 years later, I can say with certainty that while I may have been "that woman", I am no longer "her". I am stronger. I am more grateful than I have ever been. I am a mom of two beautiful, miracle babies who prove God is so much bigger than what the world deems possible or probable.

Let me encourage you my dear sister. You are not alone. Your pain is for purpose. Your heart's desire has been rooted deeply so that you may cling to hope...the hope that God is not finished yet. The hope that will allow you to be in awe of how your miracle of either children or peace and contentment come to be.

While you may find it hard to find joy in this Mother's Day, I pray you find Hope. I pray you find Peace. I pray you remember there is purpose.

and

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

March Date: Richmond

Things don't always go as planned. For this particular date we had planned to make a quick trip to see our friends, but plans change and agendas are sometimes cut short. Regardless, we made the best of our quick outing together.

We had to go to Richmond for a Lasik consult for my hubby. We love visiting Richmond so we thought we'd take advantage of our time there. After his appointment, we made a mad dash to get something to eat. Our original plan was to go to a local firehouse themed restaurant. It was closed until 4pm. On to plan B. We opted for a delicious meal at Rock Bottom Brewery and Restaurant*. It was a new restaurant for us and we were excited about trying their fare.


Pardon his squint eyes...he was still dealing with dilated eyes

*I was not compensated in any way to give my opinions of this restaurant. They are completely given on my own accord.

It was a difficult decision of what to eat (because everything looked amazing). We both instantly agreed on an appetizer. We chose the Firecracker Shrimp.

I finally decided to go with the their Jambalaya. I really don't have words. It was SO GOOD! The flavor was completely on point and it was super filling.

Hubby chose the Maker's Mark Burger. I had a nibble and from the look of his plate by the end, it was a definite win.

We did a quick run into a couple of stores at the Short Pump Mall and began making our way back home. I happened to see a sign for Tom Leonard's Farmers Market. It was our last stop before heading home to the kids. I found some great deals on some fresh veggies. They were having an awesome sale on fresh jumbo shrimp but considering we were almost 2 hours from home and I had no cooler, they were a no go. I was so sad.

I got over my shrimp induced sadness and enjoyed delightful adult conversation on the way back home. While the date was brief, it was so nice to just be with him. I'm so glad we made the commitment to start dating again.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

When It Snows...

It's a well known fact among my circles that I love snow. Most folks call me nuts and I'm ok with that. I've loved it since I was a small child growing up in northern Indiana. Even now it all seems so magical.


This past December was unseasonably warm and I desperately wanted to share some snow play with my littles. We've gone through January with a couple of dustings...that was until Friday. As predicted,  winter storm Jonas hit our part of central Virginia. We were stocked up with food and wood for the woodstove. We were ready to be homebound for a few days.

As I mentioned,  the snow began Friday. School had been canceled in anticipation of the storm. It was the perfect opportunity to make homemade hot chocolate and play in the fresh falling snow.


It came down so quickly.  We were gaining 1-2 inches an hour.





My little lady did not want to come in but the increasing winds eventually forced us inside.

Saturday was spent inside. The wind and snow were fierce. 


Sunday was much nicer. Our roads were not safe so we stayed home from church. My hubby had gone into the fire department on Saturday night so it was just me and the kids. The sunshine was such a welcome sight so we took full advantage of it.


N's first snow





Monday was more of the same, except we made our way down the road to the grandparents' house for some snow fun.

G built her first snowman (she added hair).



She also had her first sled ride.

Overall it has been a blast. I wouldn't trade these moments for anything. 


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Get Some Rest


I ran across this printable while I was perusing Pinterest for some Christmas brunch recipes.

I had to just stop and let the words of this verse soak in. How long had it been since I went to be truly alone with God? Sure, I've had my devotion time, but even that tends to be interrupted by little hands and feet. How long? How long since I had allowed the presence of God to surround me, to fill me and restore my weary soul?

From the looks of my tired spirit and mending body, I'm well aware that it has been far to long. My physical body is in serious need of some TLC and I have multiple doctor's visits to prove it. My weary soul and heart are craving peace. It's no wonder that I've had a hard time savoring the Christmas season this year.

I decided today that it has to end. The broken pieces of me need restoration and now is the perfect time. The Christmas season is filled with joy, family and a sense of hope that only seems to come this time of year. The birth and ultimate death and resurrection of our Savior provides a stronghold for the hope we have. I have not been clinging tightly to the right things. I've been letting worry and anxiety take the forefront. I've been letting stress chip away at my health. I am not honoring the debt that my Savior paid. He came so that I would live life abundantly, not mediocre.

I claim this verse through this season. I WILL make time to get away and just be with the Lord. I WILL make time to soak up precious moments with my family. I WILL NOT let anxiety and stress control my thoughts and actions. I will come to Him. I will find rest. I will offer to Him the broken pieces and work through His restoration process.

For in ALL things, He is good.

Linking up with Tuesday Talk
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Mommy Momments

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Baby N is 2 Months Old


I'm fighting the urge to get teary. Our baby is 2 months old today and yet it seems like yesterday we were making our unexpected trip to the hospital. I still remember the moment he was placed in my arms. I'll be going back to work in a month and I'm already feeling the ache that comes with leaving my babes. I begin to think of all I'm missing and dread the thought that some of his firsts will happen without me. He's already grown so much!



Weight: 12 lbs 2.7oz


Height: 23 1/2 inches


Clothing size: 0-3 months

Eat: 3-5oz every 3-4 hours


Sleep: About 4-5 hours at a time through the night.


Play: You are not a fan of tummy time. However, you are quite content laying on your back swatting at the dangling toys on your play mat. You like to interact with your sister and others who are willing to get on the floor with you. You are starting to take more interest in things around you, whether outside or in. You even enjoyed your first time in the exersaucer this month. You also enjoyed a lot of evenings outside. The weather has been so nice.



Odds and Ends: You become stronger every day. You like to be held up so that you can put weight on your legs and stand tall. You are starting to sway from side to side so I'm sure rolling over is in our future.

You have started a lot of social smiling (which melts my heart) and you are "talking" a good bit these days. You make the sweetest sounds when you are content. However, you also make it known when something is bothering you.


You scared us with a trip to the Emergency Department. We hope to not have that happen again.


You also had your first Sunday at church this month. It was so good to be back!


Every moment spent with you is precious. We love you sweet boy...now and always.


N's Birth Story//1 Month

Linking up with Tuesday Talk and Mommy Moments



Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Currently: August

N's first Sunday at church 8.16.2015

I can't wrap my brain around the fact that it is August...and half way in at that! Here's what is going on currently...

Thinking about...
how this first week of school will go. It's so strange not to be starting out the year with my students. However, I would not trade this time with our new son and toddler daughter for anything.

Working on...
gathering consignment items and prepping them for the sale in September. I've participated in this particular consignment sale the last couple of times and I typically do pretty well. With our finances taking a major hit thanks to my maternity leave, every little bit will help. I'm also trying to finish up a photo book project for our son. I'm determined to have the same photo books for both of my children...I forgot what an undertaking this can be.

Learning...
how to be a mother of two. It has definitely been an adjustment. I feel like we're starting to adjust to our new normal, only to have to readjust when I begin back to work in October.
Courtesy of Frank Crocker Photography
Watching...
reruns of The Middle. It cracks me up and I'm amazed how much I can relate.

Listening to...
my two year old sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "Jesus Loves Me".

Reading...
the latest Parents magazine and frugal cooking blogs. I'm also revisiting potty training tidbits since we've begun this venture (again) this week.

Dreaming about...
our new house. Every time I drive past our property my heart longs to pull into the driveway. With the changes we will be experiencing this year, it is unlikely the building process will be able to begin since our house has to sell first. I could be surprised but I'm accepting the fact that this dream will be postponed a while longer.

Wanting...
a cleaning fairy to come to my home. I just can't get this house together! I'm also wanting this potty training experience to be more fruitful than our last attempt...

Feeling...
a multitude of emotions. We have so much coming up that I am having to slow myself down and remember that 1. God is in control, 2. God will provide, 3. I am too blessed to be stressed.

Loving...
my life. Despite the challenges we're facing, I am so in love with this crazy, beautiful mess that I call mine. My children are healthy, my husband is amazing, my job is secure for another school year and the sun is shining. I think overall, things are pretty good.


What are you up to currently?

Monday, July 13, 2015

Baby N's Birth Story



Birth stories, to me, are testimonies of miraculous life events. They are examples of love, empowerment, and a humbling dose of real life. I loved reading birth stories as sources of encouragement leading up to my own delivery and I've been looking forward to sharing my own. I shared a brief recap of our daughter's birth story when I first began to blog in June of 2013 and now the time has arrived to share another.

Both of our children are truly miracles. We battled against infertility for both of them and it was only through God's blessing that they were conceived. I've grown to embrace our struggles with infertility because they have made us that much more grateful for our children and they have brought us blessings that we would not have otherwise experienced. I share all of this to preface what I consider a beautiful story. To some it will probably not seem very significant. To some it may even seem a bore, but to me, it is a treasure. It is our story. It is the (lengthy) story of how our son entered the world.

There are many reasons why I consider our son's existence miraculous and each milestone during my pregnancy was a reason to rejoice. One issue that I combatted throughout the course of my pregnancy was hypertension. I dealt with this during my daughter's pregnancy as well and I was well versed in what that could potentially mean for me come time for delivery. It was my hope to have our son naturally and without an induction. I feared what an induction could mean and I was already at a higher risk for a C-section for various reasons and I did not want to add to the likelihood. I watched my sodium intake, took my meds and worked hard to keep my weight gain at a minimum (under the supervision of my doctors.) I was proud of having only gained 17lbs during this pregnancy and I was feeling good about things as my due date neared. However, about 6 weeks prior to my due date, my doctors discussed the probability of an induction based on my rising/inconsistent blood pressure numbers and the impact it was having on the baby. I must mention that my doctors only discuss induction if medically necessary, thus I knew it was serious.

37 weeks
Around 37 weeks we decided that we would induce at 39 weeks (July 5) unless something more serious occurred . Upon a quick check, we learned that I was already at 3cm and 50% effaced. Based on the early arrival of my daughter and my current numbers, my doctor did not believe that I would make my induction date...and she ended up being correct.

My husband was due to return to work on July 1. I was secretly praying that the baby would either come before that day or not make any major changes until the day of our induction. We live almost an hour from the hospital, he works about an hour from home and I could not wrap my head around trying to get our toddler taken care of and work my way to the hospital without him...although one would do what she must. I woke up the morning of June 30th feeling what I thought might be contractions but they were only occurring about once every hour (beginning at 6a.m.) I never even knew I was contracting with my daughter so I was not sure what I should be experiencing. By around 1p.m. I was pretty certain that I was feeling contractions and I began timing them. They were happening about every half hour. By 2p.m. I was experiencing them about every 10 minutes. My husband took my blood pressure and it was also elevated...both were signs that our doctor had told us to look for and call if they happened. I contacted Labor and Delivery and they told us to go ahead and come in.

We dropped our daughter off at the sitter's house. She would be staying with her at whatever point we were admitted to the hospital. The "pains" I was feeling were very mild and I almost believed they would probably send us home. After all, I wasn't doubled over and my water had not broken. We arrived at the hospital and I was examined. I was making a bit of progress despite the monitor only picking up what appeared to be cramping. My doctor was convinced that I was in labor and wanted to go ahead and admit me based on my blood pressure. I was still 3cm but was now 75% effaced. She did a membrane sweep and that really helped to get things going. My contractions steadily became stronger but still manageable. At around 5:30p.m. we were officially admitted, had contacted our sitter, had met the staff  members that we would be working with through the rest of our labor and delivery and had settled into our room.





My first labor and delivery were very quick, especially for a first timer. From start to finish it was about 7 hours (4 hours of which were actually active labor, with only one of those hours being the actual transition phase) with about 7 minutes of pushing. I did not have medication of any kind and had every intention of doing it the same way with this delivery. Things don't always go the way you plan...

After about 5 hours of strengthening contractions, they checked my progress. I was only at 4cm and 80% effaced. What?! Are you kidding me?! I wanted to cry. I settled in again and knew that I needed to try and get some sleep, especially since there was nothing that seemed to be speedy about this labor. Of course, my contractions continued to pick up and I became more uncomfortable, so as my husband slept, I tossed and turned, attempting to remain comfortable.


At 1:10a.m. my water broke...and it hurt! I was not expecting the pain and I called out to my husband telling him what had happened. We buzzed for my nurse who came in immediately. I told her that I was certain my water had broken and as I shifted, the flood gates opened. I knew what this meant. Based on my last delivery, once my water had broken, my contractions almost immediately became more intense and delivery was just around the corner.

The next day...
As my contractions quickly became much  more painful and closer together, I readied myself. I was going to do this and I just knew that my son was moments away from greeting the world. They checked me after about an hour and I was only at 6cm. I wanted to cry. Why were things progressing so slowly?! After some time I had to make a decision. I was physically and mentally exhausted from having worked through so many intense contractions (they were coming about every minute to minute and a half). I could not imagine how I was going to muster up the strength to deliver our baby. I opted for an epidural.

Because of the intensity of my contractions, it was a little more challenging to place the epidural but the anesthesiologist was amazing and with the help of my husband and nurse, I was eventually hooked up and good to go. It took a bit for the meds to kick in and I only had what was necessary to take the edge off of the pain. I could still move and I could still feel pressure. After the epidural was placed, I was checked again. This time, I was at a 9 and about 90% effaced. However, N was not tolerating the contractions and was showing continuous signs of distress. My doctor and I discussed what that meant and what may have to happen if he was not delivered in the very near future. I prayed for him to move down. I prayed for my cervix to fully dilate and I prayed for his health and safety as the minutes ticked by.

A little after 4:00a.m. my doctor wanted me to do a couple "practice" pushes to see if we could get him to lower since he was still not stationed where we needed him. She told me that at any point she told me to stop, it was because he was where he needed to be and she needed to get the remainder of the delivery team in there. Within two contraction, she told me to stop. The team rushed in and within what seemed like seconds they had everything ready to go and it was time to bring our baby into the world. I pushed for about 3 minutes and our son graced our lives at 4:15a.m.





I soon learned that the reason he was not tolerating the contractions was because the cord had been wrapped around his neck 3 times. Praise Jesus for keeping our sweet boy safe. He was perfect. He had a beautiful cry, strawberry blonde hair and the sweetest little face. He was immediately placed on my chest and eventually his daddy got to cut the cord. For the next hour we lay skin to skin. I soaked in the surreal moments as the fact that we were now a family of four began to sink in.


While I know words can never convey the true emotions that are experienced during a time like this, I am so glad to be able to share my heart. I consider our family to be abundantly blessed and to our Lord I will forever be grateful. The past few days have been trying as we adjust to new (lack of) sleep schedules, living around the needs of an infant and trying to balance and plan intentional time with our toddler. However, I cherish it all, for I know this too shall pass and our babies will grow up too fast.



Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Name Them One by One

One thing about caring for a newborn means that I'm awake...a lot. It may be in a drone like state most of the time but I'm awake nonetheless. In the daybreak hours the past few days I've been doing a lot of reflecting on our current circumstances and how God's hand is evident everywhere. It's easy to get wrapped up in worry, bogged down in bitterness and caught up in self-centered thoughts. It's even more easy to do when your sleep deprived. Satan is shameless and will use your weakened state to wedge in negativity. However, we have the power to combat the battles against us. God gives us the ability to see the beauty from ashes if we'll only take the time to look.

::via::

I've been taking some time to really focus on our blessings. With so much that is and seems wrong in the world around us, it's vital that I remember that there is still so much good. The following is not an exhaustive list of all that I could write down, but it covers some of what has come to mind this morning...

-the birth of our son this week


-the fiery spirit that is our daughter


-financial provision

-Our church family

- dedicated friends

-my mom coming in tomorrow

-awake to see the sunrise

-Finding large ticket items (for baby) for less than half the orginal price

-caring and committed medical experts

-the biliblanket  (it means we can treat our son's condition at home instead of the hospital)


-July is filled with birthdays

-my amazing husband



While I could go on and on, I'll spare you. I do hope, that despite your circumstances today and in the coming days, that you'll take some time to count your blessings. Name them one by one and I think you'll be amazed at what the Lord has done.