You're Going to be Okay...A Bookshelf Reminder

Aside from work, I have been laying pretty low lately. My body is still recovering, and emotionally, being in groups is difficult right now. I struggle to accept the “nothing but love” that is showered upon me in the presence of large numbers. It’s overwhelming.

Over the last few days, I have been reminded of the importance of human interaction and establishing normalcy. I’ve had flashbacks to the darkest time in my life up to this point and I know the signs of depression. I also know interventions and positive steps towards not falling into such a despondent state. I learned during that time, while some quiet and solitude can be healthy, complete isolation is not. Trouble comes when you cannot bring yourself to do the things you used to love.

 This past week I forced myself to attend my infertility support group meeting. My co-leader led the meeting, which was greatly appreciated. We only had a couple ladies attend this month, but even that was a bit challenging for me from a social standpoint. This isn’t me. I don’t shy away from my ministry. I don’t avoid those that I love…but right now it is just so hard.

 On Friday, I attempted a little “me time.” My husband had the kids and I was completely on my own. Truth be told, I wanted to go home, crawl under the covers and go to sleep. It would be easier than trying to stop myself from crying in public. However, healing does not come through avoidance.

I decided to visit a bookstore. I sat in the car for a few minutes getting a game plan in mind. My friend from back home had recommended a book that she felt might help me through some of this season. I knew where the Christian book section was in the store and I did not figure I’d have to be in there long to find it. I got out of the car and made my way towards the entrance. I’m still a little slow in the going so thank you, sir, in the idling car who patiently waited for me to cross the walkway.

I entered the store and the tempting scent of coffee wafted around me. I almost opted for a cup but I was on a mission. I went straight to the section that would hopefully house the book I had come for. I began skimming the titles/authors in search of the book. I found the book and took a closer look. Something in me seemed to say that this was not what I needed “right now”. I said a silent prayer. I asked for direction because there was this nagging feeling…a feeling that there was something else I had come for. I became teary as I read through various titles, all seeming wrong. I felt like there was something I was supposed to see, but I just wasn’t seeing it.

I found myself alone in the isle. I was confronted with hundreds of titles, most containing promises of healing, ways to know the love of Jesus, etc. I stood there uncertain of exactly what I needed. In a brief, silent heart’s cry, I begged the Lord to let me know that I was going to be okay. I needed to know that I would make it through this and His purpose would be fulfilled through the circumstances.

I lifted my eyes and they immediately fell upon one title. It was a single copy pressed against the left hand side of the book shelf. Bright, distractingly colored copies of other titles beckoned for attention but my focus was on this one title…

You’re Going to Be Okay

I’ve labeled this experience as divine intervention. So many times over the last week and a half, God has revealed Himself in ways that could never lend themselves to just mere coincidence. God has proven Himself good. He has proven Himself gracious. He has provided. He has calmed and embraced me with His peace and here, once again, in a weary, tear stained moment, He responded.

My heart’s cry: Will I ever be okay? His response: You’re going to be okay.

 The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.

Isaiah 58:11

I bought the book. I have since been diving into its print. It is filled with biblical truth and wisdom. The words jump from the page and straight to my heart. I believe, without a doubt, that this book was meant for me. It is a tangible way for God to reach me. I express myself best through the written word and likewise, I respond well to it.

This ordinary moment in time has made an extraordinary mark on my heart. God continues to respond to the cries of my heart. He continues to make His involvement known. While right now I do not know exactly how He’ll pull us all through this, I know undeniably that He will. His purpose will be fulfilled. His plan will be accomplished…and I will be okay.

 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

Psalm 32:8

*The book that I have been led to read is titled You’re Going to BeOkay: Encouraging Truth Your Heart Needs to Hear, Especially on the Hard Daysby Holley Gerth. I was in no way compensated for this post. Its mention was made on my own accord. However, from what I have read so far, whatever season, no matter how bright or dark, this book is a wonderful, timely read.