What is Your Lion?

What keeps you up at night? You may think that it is something you watched on television or the sad news on the other end of the phone or a stack of bills you cannot pay. However, if you really look at what is keeping you awake, you’ll find that it boils down to what those thoughts or situations are prompting. Difficult, threatening and painful situations evoke feelings. Those feelings come in the way anxiety and fear. It is the anxiety and fear that leaves you lying awake with a full mind, troubled heart, and a pile of used tissues.

 We think that it is the event or possibilities that keep us awake, but it is actually the feelings those circumstances or experiences evoke. I have been dealing with nightmares and flashbacks for the last couple of months. They cause my anxiety level to rise quickly. My stress level also rises. These high levels then begin impacting me physically. I’ll feel sick, tired and overwhelmed.

 During a recent counseling session, my counselor told me to find time over the next couple of weeks to sit with the tragedy that I had experienced. I did not know what she meant by that at first. She explained that I am constantly battling how I feel. I am constantly trying to be strong and be where people think I should be in the healing process. I am trying to plan ahead and predict what may or may not happen. She recognized that I have yet to really sit with what has happened…

 This Monday was a Snow Day. As a teacher, it means an extra day of snuggles and downtime with my kiddos. I woke up thinking, today needs to be the day. Today needs to be the day when I sit in the quiet and just be with what has happened. No processing. No “what ifs”. I need to just be with the reality. I took my kids to the sitter, and despite wanting them here with me, I came home and sat in the silence.

 Revisiting October 11^th is painful. In fact, painful does not begin to describe it, but without details that I am not quite ready to share, know that pain is weaved all throughout.

 I was drawn back to a verse that I had come across not long after getting this “assignment” from my counselor.

I think back to what happened and I think about this verse. This tragedy is my “lion”. I was spared life. Each day that passes, I find moments where sadness overwhelms me, but I am also seeing more moments of joy…joy that I was not sure I’d be able to feel again. We are instructed to rejoice in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:16) and I have been finding ways to rejoice about what I’ve been through. Each day He is giving me strength. He is offering me grace each morning my feet hit the floor. He is by my side. My testimony has grown exponentially through this devastation and as I become more able to share, it will serve as an avenue for me to witness to others about God’s goodness and love. There is a message in this part of my life that needs to be heard. Just as in Timothy’s time, there are those living a life without the Salvation of Christ. If my story can pierce or soften one heart that will come to know Him, then it will have been worth all the heartache.

I have been delivered from the lion’s mouth. I have been set apart to share what others can or may not share. I have seen how God has saved me from the wreckage. While I still struggle with certain feelings and circumstances, I am no longer captive, and you need not be either. He is by your side. He will give you strength. He will deliver you.

What is your lion?