I enjoy waking up to blog posts from my
dear friend and this morning was no exception. She has begun to blog about her pregnancy. The sweet moments, the ups and downs and all of the in-between moments, had me thinking back to my pregnancy. At this time last year we were just a couple of weeks from our daughter's unexpected arrival. It's hard to believe! I laid in bed listening to G babble over the monitor and could not help but revisit our journey.
We prayed so long for our little one and after my PCOS diagnosis, infertility treatment that led to many disappointments, wavering dreams, doctor visits, medications, blood work, etc., our prayers were answered. While we dream of adding to our family at some point, the anxieties and fears of our past attempt to rise to the surface. How quickly I can forget God's goodness and faithfulness. Not once did He leave me to hurt alone. While the journey was not easy, I was able to experience God in ways that I had not been able to do before. When you are TTC you enter into a whole new world. Whether it was the circumstances, the hormones or the medication, I was super sensitive and dealt with levels of emotions I was not prepared to experience. I know I didn't handle relationships in the best manner and I'm determined to find other ways to cope this go around.
In discussing our hope to add to our family again someday, I often hear, "well at least you already have one baby if it doesn't work." Just an FYI, that does not ease the angst. While this statement is true, when the Lord places this type of desire in my heart, it is not something I can just shrug my shoulders at. I am not selfish. I am not ungrateful. While our experiences and journey were not as involved or as lengthy as some, it was our journey. It was our pain. It was our waiting. It was our hope. It was our joy. While many prayed for and empathized with us, we still experienced some dark times. I've been praying that the Lord will prepare our hearts and heads for whatever may come. I pray for peace and understanding. I pray for a stronger, sustaining sense of joy. While we don't know what the Lord has in store for us, we remain grateful for those who continue to pray with us and for those who didn't give up on me when I was not the person I wanted to be.
All of this brings me to this morning (did I mention I have yet another snow day?! Crazy!). After reading my friend's blog, I got feeling particularly sentimental. Her post inspired me to become a little creative. I have a "free"
Shutterfly book that expires today and I had no idea what to use it for. I have been working on a book for G's first year but I still have a month to go...and the offer expires today...so instead, I thought I would put my pregnancy journal highlights into a Shutterfly album. I'm really excited (and a little anxious although I know to some that seems silly) about revisiting my pregnancy with G. I love the maternity album I created leading up to her birth but I didn't capture the ins and outs of my pregnancy...all of which I'm sure she will learn to appreciate someday.
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