Becoming a Big Sister Isn't Always Easy

When we found out we were pregnant in October 2014, we were elated! Our soon to be 2 year old of course had no idea what this meant and could honestly care less. Once she turned 2 in April, it seemed everyone was asking her if she was ready to be a big sister. She would just look at them with her big blue eyes and smile.

We tried to give her plenty of big sister practice. We encouraged her to care for her babies, read big sister themed books, referred to her as big sister, and constantly tried to help her connect with the baby growing in Mommy’s belly. We thought we were making positive progress. We knew she was a big help at the sitter’s house. She ensured every child had his/her pacifier, she knew everyone’s diapers and would get them as needed and helped clean up. She was a big helper both there and in the church nursery.

In my mind, her transition into big sisterhood would probably go one of two ways. One, she would immediately take on the role and become a big helper. Two, she would resent not being the only child anymore and have a difficult time with the change. I honestly thought she’d handle it with a lot of grace and would transition pretty effortlessly. Silly me.

I read the articles and we tried to ensure that G’s first meeting with her new little brother would be as positive as possible. We arranged for her to sleep over at her sitter’s house, which worked out wonderfully. She was brought to the hospital the next day and we had intentionally set up everything just so. I was not holding the baby, but instead had her Big Sister bag ready and I was prepared with open arms to take what would surely be my daughter’s excited hug. Instead, she walked in and was very unsure of me. I was not hooked up to anything but I’m sure my appearance, the odd bed and strange surroundings had her thrown off. She did not come to me right away (which of course broke my heart) and had limited interaction with me during her time there. I was personally devastated and had a good cry after they all left.



It was a miracle that we got her sitting there...but once again, look at her face...



This interaction lasted a whole 5 minutes

 She also wanted nothing to do with her new little brother. To anyone who went to touch or hold him she would firmly say, “No, don’t touch it!” Poor guy. She did not even call him “baby”. To her, he was “it”. She clung to her daddy and interacted primarily with the other family members present. Mommy and baby brother were of little interest to her.



G telling Granny not to touch "it"

I did at least get a kiss goodbye and she did give N the fox that she had picked out for him, but that was about it. That night was hard on this Momma. I was ready to be home, snuggle my daughter, and meld our family into its new number. I was not sure how we were going to make this transition.

She came to the hospital the day of discharge and was a little friendlier. She was much more accepting of me and would occasionally allow the baby to sit with her. I felt a little better. I just so desperately wanted her to warm up to him. I encouraged her to help me with him as much as possible.

Within the next couple days of being home, she quickly opened up to him and began taking on the big sister role that I had hoped she would do all along. She has since become quite the care taker and ensures that he has his bottles (which she likes to shake), his blanket, his pacifier and she frequently asks to hold him. I’m one happy Mommy.

Looking back, there are things that make me a little sad. I had such dreams of getting super sweet pictures of our new little family. I wanted those first memories of sister meeting brother to be sweet and loving. I wanted to capture our new family of four in warm embraces, staring lovingly at our newest addition. However, none of this occurred. I was reminded that toddlers are unpredictable and ours in particular is strong willed, not as flexible/tolerant of change as we’d hoped, and has a fiery spirit. I love these things about her, despite the opposition they sometimes contribute to. I believe those same characteristics will be the things that cause her to fight fiercely for what she believes in, stand up for her younger siblings, and make change where she believes change needs to be made. I love her. She is an amazing big sister and my precious daughter. She is my first love. She made me a mom. She helps to make me better.

Since then, I've worked on healing my body and catching up on sleep (yeah, right). This week I took G out, just the two of us. I have to admit that it was really nice. I loved sharing that time with her. We played and laughed like we did before. It is my hope to continue these Mommy-Daughter days. I never want her to forget just how special and loved she is. As N gets bigger, I'm certain we'll be sharing some special days as well. This time with our littles goes by so fast...

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