The Power of a Shower

I'm still adjusting to being a mom of two. Schedules differ, needs are vastly different and the demand varies. With N at 8 weeks old, he still requires so much.G has her own needs and wants that inevitably should take priority just at the time I'm feeding the baby. My house is never together or completely clean and my list of to-dos is not getting smaller.

I'm learning to give myself some grace.

My body is still not my own, the healing is still happening and the one night of solid sleep I had last week is but a distant memory. Since life is a beautiful mess everyday there is very little I get to do for myself. As this is my 2nd time around, I'm well aware of the importance of focusing on myself from time to time.

In comes the shower. Never underestimate what the spray of hot water and some sudsy, aromatic body wash can do. Typically I have at least one kid hanging out in the bathroom with me but on the special occasion that they both nap at the same time...bliss! The rejuvenation that can come from washing away the smell of spit up, sweat and mommy fog is essential to being able to bring your best...even if your best isn't back to normal.

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Whether you're a new mom or just new to baby #4, remember to take a little time for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

Linking up with Waiting on...Wednesday

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Mommy Moments

A Girl and a Boy...Now What?

Enough is enough...but how do you decide? How do you know when you are done having kids? For some the answer is simple and concrete. For others there is no definitive answers. Some dream of many but can only have one. Others never dreamed of having any and they end up with a multitude.

I remember soon after our daughter's birth (as in hadn't even left the hospital) people were asking if we were planning on having more children. We had struggled to conceive our daughter, and even though a dream of adding to our family was in our hearts, we really did not know how to answer that question. Of course we wanted more, but whether or not the Lord would grant us more children was a huge unknown. In my heart I hoped He would allow us more children, but to say that we would most certainly have more was not an answer I could give.

When we learned we were pregnant again last fall, we were elated. We had prayed and with the help of medical interventions, we conceived our second child. We were even more excited to find out that we were having a boy! We loved being girl parents and yet we had hoped to experience the sweetness of a little boy. In July of this year I gave birth to a beautiful, red headed little fella. So.In.Love.

Once again, soon after his birth, visitors were asking about our family...but the question was different this time. People were asking us if we were DONE having children since we now had one of each. I did not realize this was such a major assumption. Apparently when you have one of each your family is complete and it's just silly to think of having another.

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I ran across this little ditty about the time I was getting a little flustered with all of the assumptions. It is spot on.

I originally wanted four kids (and honestly, I still do) and my husband was content with two (and honestly, I think he still is). Our last conversation had us agreeing that we will most likely try for at least one more. However, we're not sure how this third child will come to be. Each go at getting pregnant has proven more difficult than the last and this difficulty only increases with age (I'm only 30...but still). We still believe adoption may be a possibility, but we'll have to see how we feel we should proceed when that time comes. Right now we are a ways off. We want G in Kindergarten and our forever home to be built. This gives us at least 3 years. We also don't want to rush this precious time. There are plenty of memories to be made before adding another set of tiny feet to our home.

Despite our feelings, we believe the Lord has already determined the size of our family and we trust Him to bring the number of children that He wills into our home. I joke with my husband that we could have twins in an attempt to have our third child...he doesn't see the humor, but our use of fertility meds ups the chances. We also trust God's timing for our next child despite our timeframe. We also trust Him to bring the perfect child(ren) into our lives as He sees fit, whether I am blessed to carry another child or we open our hearts and home through adoption. His plan is perfection.

Personally, it's hard to think of saying that I'm done having children. I love being a mom and love bringing new life into the world. I kind of get why these couples keep having kids...although 19 is a bit much for anyone's sanity in my opinion. My husband on the other hand looks at everything from a very practical point of view and has no problem setting a limit.

For those of you who have decided to call it quits or for those of you who have decided on "your number", how did you do it? What factors did you consider? What made your decision? I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Linking up for Thoughts for Thursday and Mommy Moments

Currently: August

N's first Sunday at church 8.16.2015

I can't wrap my brain around the fact that it is August...and half way in at that! Here's what is going on currently...

Thinking about...
how this first week of school will go. It's so strange not to be starting out the year with my students. However, I would not trade this time with our new son and toddler daughter for anything.

Working on...
gathering consignment items and prepping them for the sale in September. I've participated in this particular consignment sale the last couple of times and I typically do pretty well. With our finances taking a major hit thanks to my maternity leave, every little bit will help. I'm also trying to finish up a photo book project for our son. I'm determined to have the same photo books for both of my children...I forgot what an undertaking this can be.

Learning...
how to be a mother of two. It has definitely been an adjustment. I feel like we're starting to adjust to our new normal, only to have to readjust when I begin back to work in October.

Courtesy of Frank Crocker Photography

Watching...
reruns of The Middle. It cracks me up and I'm amazed how much I can relate.

Listening to...
my two year old sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "Jesus Loves Me".

Reading...
the latest Parents magazine and frugal cooking blogs. I'm also revisiting potty training tidbits since we've begun this venture (again) this week.

Dreaming about...
our new house. Every time I drive past our property my heart longs to pull into the driveway. With the changes we will be experiencing this year, it is unlikely the building process will be able to begin since our house has to sell first. I could be surprised but I'm accepting the fact that this dream will be postponed a while longer.

Wanting...
a cleaning fairy to come to my home. I just can't get this house together! I'm also wanting this potty training experience to be more fruitful than our last attempt...

Feeling...
a multitude of emotions. We have so much coming up that I am having to slow myself down and remember that 1. God is in control, 2. God will provide, 3. I am too blessed to be stressed.

Loving...
my life. Despite the challenges we're facing, I am so in love with this crazy, beautiful mess that I call mine. My children are healthy, my husband is amazing, my job is secure for another school year and the sun is shining. I think overall, things are pretty good.

What are you up to currently?

Linking up for Tuesday Talk and Waiting on...Wednesday

Witching Hour Worship

The "witching hour" is an experience that most parents will come to know. It's a period of time where your child cries for what seems like no reason. There is no pacifying them and at times it can be almost maddening. Our daughter had a brief period in which for about an hour, beginning around 9pm, she would cry inconsolably. This time around with our son, we felt a bit more prepared. While the last couple weeks have had us wanting to cry ourselves between the hours of 8 and 10pm, we know that this too shall pass. In fact, the last couple nights have been much better.

As we tried to work through this time with our daughter, we found it best to get her outside. Many nights we could be found sitting on the front porch or walking her around the yard. It was all about survival. It's a bit different now. Having two in the house makes it a bit trickier.

G's bedtime happens to be at the beginning of N's witching hour. On nights that I'm home alone I've had to find ways to adapt. I have placed him in his crib (which is in his sister's room) while I complete my daughter’s nighttime routine. This worked for about 10-15 minutes. I tried getting him to sleep and leaving him in the pack n play downstairs only to have him wake up and begin screaming in the middle of my daughter’s bedtime story. I have brought him up in the bouncer to bounce him as I read to and rock my toddler. This seems to be one of the more successful tactics.

After G is in bed, I turn all of my focus to N in an attempt to calm him and survive the remaining hours. One way that I have found to cope this go around is to sing. I don't choose the typical lullabies. In fact, these times have begun turning into a time of worship. I sing whatever worship songs come to my heart. The singing may or may not calm my son, but it calms my heart as I draw closer to the Lord. As I sing the words I can feel my tension ease and my burdens becoming lighter. It's amazing how blessed I feel and how at peace I can become as I worship during the difficult times so rightly termed the witching hours.

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Linking up with Mommy Momments

Battling Infertility in the Wake of Baby Season

If you're new to R&R you may be wondering why there is a post on infertility in the midst of all these baby posts. This my friends is because I am no stranger to the struggle of infertility. In fact, our two babes are complete miracles and it was only through God's grace and the help of modern medicine that we conceived. My journey is not to be compared to anyone else, but instead, it is my hope that it serves as a beakon of hope for others on the same road.

If you're interested in reading more about our journey,  you can find that here.

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This post has been in the making for the last couple weeks. As I was driving down the road the other day I realized that I'm currently in the midst of a baby boom. Several friends and family members are pregnant or have recently had a baby. I found myself in awe of this baby season and it dawned on me that just a few years ago I would have handled this season much differently.

When you are in the midst of an infertility battle, typically every pregnancy and birth announcement is like pouring salt into an open wound. So. Much.Pain. You dread or even avoid baby showers. Your heart aches as you make hospital and home visits, if you can even muster up the courage to do so. You wear a brave face as you fight your battle and you may or may not be open about your challenges. Regardless,  this season is like a long, dark seemingly endless winter.

I handled the times leading up to the conception of our two children very differently. For the first I was closed off and quiet. I avoided those I loved, I unintentionally damaged friendships and lost sight of the good that was still in my life. It was a dark time. When we began trying for our second I was much more open and sought support. It was hard but there were glimmers of light.

I just want to remind you that you are not alone. Whether you seek support through online blogs such as this or with close friends and family, it is essential to have a sounding board. Very few people outside of the infertility circle will understand your sense of loss, frustration and pain. They will try to emphasize with the ache but until a person has experienced it, there is no real way to truly understand. You'll be given advice and well intentioned "words of encouragement" and some of it will hurt. Take it with a grain of salt and don't focus on what has been said.

Allow yourself to grieve. Whether you've miscarried or have had multiple failed cycles, there is sense of loss. I think it's actually more fair to say that you may be experiencing continuous waves of indescribable emotional/physical pain...you somehow tread your way through until the next one.

You'll fight jealousy. It's a beast. Never forget that infertility is happening to you; it does not define you, and as I've learned, the experience and how you handle it will
 mold you.

I wish you the best in your journey and I want to encourage you to seek the good things that are still in your life as you wade through the season of little ones everywhere. These times come in waves and with each passing one you can either find a way to become stronger and rise above your circumstances or you can drown. Don't go under. I, along with countless others are here to offer you a life line and provide a safe place for these times in your journey.

Be brave. Be blessed.

Linking up with...

Waiting on...Wednesday

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Thoughts for Thursday

Hello Teacher Work Week

Teacher Work Week is the week before school begins. It is a leisurely time of labeling, organizing and decorating your happy little classroom. You have limitless funding for supplies and your unchanging class list is full of compliant, sweet little ones.

I think I actually dreamed this once.

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In reality TWW (not to be confused with the Two Week Wait lol) is filled with multiple, time consuming meetings, continuous revisions to lists and expectations/responsibilities and prep work as you can squeeze it in. It's challlenging. Most teachers have begun preparing for the school year long before the work week begins. For those who make snide remarks about teachers and their summers off...1. You could have chosen to go to college for a teaching degree and 2. We're never really off. We're constantly trying to find ways to better our students and to make our classrooms more learning friendly. This is no easy task. Just check out our Pinterest boards haha.

I learned to have an appreciation for all that goes into preparing for the school year a few years ago when I became a teacher. Prior to that I had worked as a CPS social worker and a behavior specialist. Teaching is a completely new and different set of challenges.

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I am currently home on maternity leave as this new school year begins. However, I have put together engaging lesson plans, completed some prep work and will continue to check in on my class until my return. It will definitely be odd not starting out with everyone else though.

All of this leads up to my primary point. I love what I do. I love it despite others' negativity. I love it despite chaos and constant changes. I love what I do because it is my calling and I have the amazing and humbling privilege of helping shape the future. I don't take what I do lightly and I look forward to seeing the progress of my students.

So as things begin to pick up pace, I want to wish good luck this week to my fellow educators! May this school year be better than the last!

Baby N's Trip to the Emergency Department

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A mother's intuition is often a force too be reckoned and rarely disagreed with. I almost never forgo my gut instinct but of course, the one day I do, serious happens. Never again.

I noticed a couple days ago that N's right pectoral muscle seemed a bit hard and slightly larger than his left. We had this happen with G the week after her birth, not 5 weeks later, but even so, I did not read too much into it since with G, the condition was considered normal. It generallly occurs because of hormones passed on from the mother.

When I woke up with him on Friday morning I noticed he was more fussy than normal. He's typically a pretty chill baby. Nothing seemed to make him happy, he wasn't eating well and the swelling in his chest became concerning, especially since he had developed a couple new symptoms.

I was freaking out a little in my head and eagerly awaited my husband to get home from work. When he got home I called our pediatrician, and while she said it could be "normal", she thought it best to bring him in. I wanted to go but with my classroom unfinished and my sub plans needing to be complete, against my better judgment I took G to school to work while my husband took N to the doctor. Even on my drive to school I felt like I should have gone with them.

His appointment was at 10:30 and around 11 I got a call from my hubby. He didn't say anything other than the doctor wanted to talk to me. My heart sunk to my stomache. She proceeded to inform me that she was concerned that he had an infection. She thought it best to send him to the hospital for further testing since it could be potentially harmful. This would mean blood work, possibly a spinal tap and potentially a couple days in the hospital. I know she had to provide the possibilities but I was terrified of the unknown. Afterall, he's only 5 weeks old!

I immediately packed up my work, got G and headed down the hallway towards the exit. I felt prompted to stop in my friend's classroom. I asked her to pray with me over the situation. As she prayed I felt a peace come over me. The Lord was making His presence known.

I called G's baby sitter and made plans to drop her off on my way to the hospital. I dropped her off and quickly stopped at home to grab extra clothes in case he was admitted. As I tried to stop crying I kept praying for his health and wisdom for his doctors. In the midst of my tears and fear, I was led to this verse:

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It served as such a source of reassurance as I waited to hear updates. On my way to the hospital my husband let me know that they had taken blood and were prepping him for an ultrasound. It was killing me to not be there.

Upon arriving at the hospital, I could not get in touch with my husband to find out where I needed to go. I must have called his phone a dozen times. No answer. I finally made my way to the Emergency Department where I spoke with a hospital volunteer at the desk. I informed her that I was there to be with my infant son who had been brought in earlier. She called a nurse to ask if I could "visit" the patient. I kindly made it clear that I was not there to merely visit. I was his mother and needed to be with him. Shortly after I was escorted back to his room.

No one was in there but the relief of finally being there hit me hard. I just started crying (for the 20th time). A med student came and checked on me and did not seem confident in me when I told him that I really was ok. He gave me a brief update and eventually allowed me to just sit in peace. After what seemed like forever,  my husband and baby were wheeled back into the room. I immediately picked up my son and of course,  cried again.

We waited for a long while on the results. The doctors were surprised, but pleased to announce that his tests came back clear. He had NO sign of infection. He did have some inflammation but could not find an infectious cause. They eventually allowed us to be discharged with the understanding that we would need to maintain monitoring and follow up with our pediatrician.

We 100% attribute the good news to the Lord's healing. The doctors can't explain the lack of infection but we know that it is God's intervention and response to numerous prayers. Afterall, He is the Great Physician.

Linking up with Mommy Momments