What's Bigger Than My Diagnosis?

I was thrilled when Caroline shared her Infertility link-up with me. It's been a week of advocating and spreading the word on infertility...also known as life and/or National Infertility Awareness Week! I was even more excited when she said that she was hoping those of us that have seen the other side of infertility would contribute. I truly believe it is essential that women see that there is another side...a side of hope...to this life altering diagnosis.

My husband and I were extremely cautious early in our marriage. We did not want to bring children into our family until we were "ready" or "the time was right". I set an alarm for my birth control (even on my honeymoon) to ensure that we would not experience any "surprises". The joke was on us. After 3 years of marriage we decided we'd go ahead and start adding to our family. Our natural efforts were not successful and I sought answers to my questions from my gynecologist. She eventually diagnosed me with PCOS and put me on Metformin. I was never given an explanation for her decisions, but she was my doctor. Why would I question her?

After months of additional negative pregnancy tests, she said she wanted to put me on Clomid. Once again, no blood work, ultrasounds or explanations. She said if that did not work then she would not be able to assist us further and would refer us to a specialist. She said it may just be an issue of not being able to have children.

::tears::

Confusion.

Anger.

Bitterness.

My husband and I prayed about our next step and we decided to forgo meeting again with my doctor and seek out a second opinion. We were led to the doctors at University Physicians for Women at Northridge. I went with this practice for a variety of reasons. The majority of the doctors were well versed in my PCOS diagnosis, they delivered at the hospital I had hoped to give birth in (someday), and they had direct access to highly respected infertility specialists. Upon our first visit, I knew in my heart that we had made the right choice. I was immediately put at ease by the expertise of the nurse and then by my doctor. She took me off the Metformin after receiving my blood work (she drew a full blood panel) and discovering that at the time, there was no immediate reason for me to be taking it. Upon further testing, we discovered that my testosterone was higher than normal and may be contributing to my inability to conceive. I was then put back on the meds, but with an actual reason for doing such this time.

I tracked my cycles and after more blood work, it appeared that my body would try to gear up to ovulate but could not follow through. I was heartbroken. If I wasn't ovulating then there would not be an egg waiting to be fertilized. At that point, my husband and I prayed for wisdom as to how far we would should go in our efforts to conceive. We decided that if medication was not enough, then we'd stop and try to fill our home with a child another way. We were at peace with this decision. We spoke with our doctor about our options and she completely respected our decision. From there, she came at us with a Plan A and then a Plan B if that did not work. I was thrilled to have answers and a plan.

After several months, we were still not pregnant. This medication is only permitted for a certain amount of cycles (this varies depending on the doctor) and we were two cycles away from ending the meds. My blood work initially showed that my body was gearing up but still no follow through. She upped my dosage. I then had a good ovulatory cycle, but no pregnancy. With each passing month, my heart grew more heavy. Finally...our miracle occurred.

In August 2012, we became pregnant with what would result in our beautiful baby girl.

During our first infertility journey, I can now look back to realize that I was dealing with depression. That time in my life was so dark. It was so sad. I felt broken and so alone. I had wrapped my worth up in my inability to have children and I had allowed Satan to feed my heart lies that I began to believe. Only through the grace of God did I overcome the darkness.

When we decided to try for another child, I began charting my cycles again and realized my body was back to its old ways. We discussed this with our doctor and there was no wait time. She immediately started us on the same protocol that we did the last time. Our son's conception beat the odds in terms of science due to previous and additional complications.

I've learned not to compare my story with anyone else's. It's hard...so hard...not to. Some women get pregnant by sneezing (or so it would seem) and then others face it for years without any success. Our story is not as detailed as others or the journey as long as some, but that does not make our story any less important. It has become a part of our testimony.

Our story proves that our God is bigger than any diagnosis. My hope was and is bigger than my diagnosis. I no longer allow my worth to be defined by my "broken parts". I don't know what our future holds, but I know He is good.

Without Him, we would not have our children. Our children were prayed for, longed for, and miraculous in so many ways.

::via::

My heart continues to grieve with those who face the uncertainties of infertility. I still bear scars and old feelings still surface. My journey and spiritual growth have led me to answer God's call to begin a faith based infertility support group. We have been meeting since November and it is slowly growing. My heart is so full when I am able to share our story and the stories of others. I have the privilege of reminding these women that they are loved by our God in the midst of their circumstances and that despite what is going on, He truly has their best interests at heart. I know that I had lost sight of that during my struggle.

My husband and I hope that our story can serve as hope for those who are still going through the deep waters.

Linking up for Mommy Moments

Monthly Weight Loss Update April 2016

::via::

Getting healthy is no joke. I have a ton of reasons why I want to do this for myself and for my family and I'm using all of those reasons to keep me encouraged when things get tough. I've made it through about 3 months of low carb eating and I can honestly say that I do not really miss those things that I was missing last month...such as pasta, bread, etc. I still struggle some with sweets, but nothing like I did in the beginning. I can't take all the credit to my weight loss this month. I had a couple episodes of health issues that led to me not feeling so well, which in turn led me to not wanting to eat as much as I normally do. I hope all of that is on its way out and I'll get back to feeling 100%.

In the past month I have lost 9 lbs.

That makes a total of 19.4 lbs.

I'm over half way to my first goal of 30lbs.

I'm now fitting into clothes that I could not wear 2 months ago.

I went down another notch on my belt.

I can literally walk out of some of my pants because they will not stay up without a belt.

The biggest challenge I now face is getting into an exercise routine. Life is crazy, no matter how I try to slow it down and it just does not seem like I have time. I'm looking forward to June when I'm out of school and I can have a little more time to focus on me and exercise.

::via::

I'd love some tips from other working women and/or mothers on how you incorporate exercise into your daily routine.

My Weight Loss Journey

Linking up for Waiting on Wednesday

2 Funerals and a Birthday

April 9th. My birthday. I love birthdays. Despite most of society’s view on aging, 

I am okay with it. I want to do it as gracefully as I can. Granted I don’t handle my kids getting older so well. 

G turned 3 this week and I’m struggling...a teary emotional mess. 

As I’ve mentioned, I love birthdays. There is something spectacular about celebrating life, no matter how 

long or short. It is a gift. I hold strong to this belief, despite the sorrow that now accompanies my birth date. 

Don’t get me wrong, there have been brief moments when I thought it might be best that I change the date of my 

birth, as if that could be done. 

Why these brief moments of unusual thought? Here’s why...

On April 9, 2012, I got up, ready to greet the day. My husband has always made my birthday so special and I was

 looking forward to spending the day with him. Around 9am my cellphone rang. It was my grandmother’s number. 

I was not expecting anything other than a “Happy birthday!” since she has always been amazing at remembering 

birthdays. I answered. On the other end was my uncle. He was calling to inform me that my dad had unexpectedly 

passed away that morning. He had fallen asleep and hadn’t woken up. There was no prior sickness. There were no 

signs of concern. He just fell asleep. It was later determined that it may have been a seizure which led to a heart 

malfunction, but honestly, we’ll never know. All we do know is that he met Jesus the next time his eyes opened. 

The wind was knocked out of me. How could this happen? The following year was spent working through the grief

 directly. I had to fight off the enemy’s advances on my joy as he hammered me with all of the “what ifs” and “could 

haves”. It’s still so hard to believe that it has been 4 years. Each year my heart grieves as we prepare to celebrate my 

birthday. 

This year was to be no different...and then it was. 

The week before my birthday my grandfather (on my mom’s side), was in a horrible accident. His body was so broken 

and a positive outcome did not initially look promising. Over the course of the next few days, there were little 

glimmers of hope as he made small amounts of progress. We were praying for a miracle but also for the Lord to heal 

him as He saw fit. God made his decision. We were to learn that God had indeed numbered his days and his last 

breath would be taken on April 9, 2016. I had been rocking N for a nap when mom called with the news. Another 

sad loss on what was supposed to be such a happy day. 

I didn’t get it. My honest, selfish response was “why me?” 

God is always timely in His comfort and grace. I ‘happened’ to read a devotion that focused on asking “what can I

 learn?” instead of “why me?” Okay...what on earth could God possibly want me to learn from this? I ask, He 

answered.

I was led to sift through the sorrow and focus on what God would have for me...for us...in this type of earthly ache. 

For me, it was this:

Every day may not be good, but there is good in every day. The small miracles that I often miss became vividly 

recognizable. He reminded me that our time here, no matter how many days we are granted, there is purpose. 

Embrace the moments that are so fleeting. I look back at what has been going on in my life personally at the time 

of both passings and I’ve gained some perspective. When my dad passed, we were in the midst of our first battle 

with infertility. My heart was so burdened, I was anxious and so caught up in what may never happen that I had lost 

sight of what good things were still in my life. His death brought the blessings in my life back into view. His death 

brought me out of my tunnel vision so that I could see the bigger picture once again. 

This past year we’ve been dealing with a lot of things, from health issues to house issues and I’ve been so caught 

up in trying to fix it all that I’ve let my personal best go and I have been completely exhausted (which of course 

what not helping my health). Through my grandfather’s passing I have been reminded that there is no point in 

worrying or struggling with things that are beyond my control. God is in control. His timing is perfect and His ways 

are above my ways. He will heal us. He will continue to bless us and He will bring about good from all things we 

deem as painful.

I have since made it my heart’s desire to seek the “what can I learn?” as opposed to the “why me?” because after a

ll, it’s not about me. It’s about glorifying my God in ALL things. For in all things, God is good.

Linking up for Mommy Moments

G turns 3!

3.

These days have gone too quickly. Just yesterday I was snuggling a tiny baby and today I hold the hand of a little girl, 

well on her way into childhood.

I am in awe of just how amazing you are. 

At 3, your favorites are...

*my input

Color: pink

Food: chicken nuggets

Song: Let It Go

Game: matching (Memory)

Movie: Lion King

Thing to do with Mommy: making cards (*we had made a card for her friend that day) and coloring

Thing to do with Daddy: watch T.V.

Thing to do with N: get him toys

Animal: Bella (her moose)

Book: the blue zoo book (*Peek Inside the Zoo by Simona Dimitri)

Best Friend: Stella

At 3 you are such a dreamer and a self-declared princess. You sing and dance without a care. The world is a stage and you love to be on it. You are all about right and wrong and “help” others follow the rules. You are helpful, giving, 

and so much fun.

 

My prayer for you:

Dear Jesus. I pray that as her parents we will guide her to know you and to walk in Your ways. We want her to love 

You first and foremost in her life. We pray for a mighty fortress over her emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. We pray she gain sweet friends. We pray that as things in her life change that she will handle them with grace. 

We cannot thank you enough for blessing us with this beautiful, fiery free spirit. We are humbled that You have 

chosen us and we look forward to the day that she chooses You.

Amen.

It Hasn't Always Been This Way

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."

Colossians 4:2

I look at the beautiful, messy life before me. I flip through the pages of our family calendar and admire the upcoming special events penned on various dates. My joy overflows. April 19th is highlighted and marked on all personal calendars. This is my daughter's birthday.

Several years ago I was told that I may not be able to have children. This struck fear and ache in my heart as we continued to investigate my condition and eventually begin the battle against infertility. We sought a second opinion, completed various tests, discussed multiple options and prayed continuously for God to fill my womb with a child.

There were times when those prayers seemed like they were being unanswered. I often mistook His silence for "no" or distance. In reality, He was saying, "wait". I struggled during that time to let go and let God write our story.

In 2012 He gave us the surprise of a lifetime. He answered our prayers with a "yes". The following April, our beautiful daughter entered the world. We would eventually face the same struggles, fears, and frustrations as we attempted to provide our daughter with a sibling. However, I had a better understanding of the process and my faith had grown in a way during our last journey to conceive that allowed me to sincerely wait upon the Lord.

When people see pictures of our little family, they offer sweet compliments. They comment on how "lucky" we are to have two children, especially one of each (why that matters?). I don't see any of this as luck. I see a couple, desperate in their pleading, who learned how to wait upon the Lord. The family photos they see before them are not how things have always been. There was a time when we did not know if we would hear the pitter patter of little feet.

During our journeys to gaining these little lives, we learned how to pray...not just how to request our hearts' desires to God, but how to listen for His responses. We learned to be watchful. He taught us to continually look for other blessings in our lives instead of solely focusing on what we wanted but didn't yet have.

We also learned to be thankful. He taught us to be thankful for each other while we waited to fill our home with a child. He taught us to be thankful for the daughter that was more beautiful and precious than we could imagine. He taught us to hand over our fears of pregnancy loss and delivery when things became abnormal.

We carry these lessons with us. As a mother, I continue to pray for our children, both presently and for their futures. I continue to watch for the blessings that God pours over our sweet family. I also continue to be thankful. When the days are long and the nights are even longer, I rejoice in all that He has done. It is amazing how being thankful, listing those blessings and claiming God's goodness can make a person stronger and more brave in the face of weariness and worry. Write Colossians 4:2 where you can see it daily and remember to...

Pray. Watch. Give thanks.

Waiting on Wednesday

and

Mommy Momments

Low Carb 3 Minute Mini Omelets

Our mornings are usually pretty rushed no matter how much prepping I do the night before. Now that I'm enjoying (yes, enjoying) the benefits of low carb eating, I am constantly trying to find family pleasing meals. Breakfast bars are ok, but I'd much rather send my kids off with a warm, protein packed breakfast. Enter in the Mini Omelet.

These omelets are so easy and quick...not to mention very versatile. I like to use low sodium meats (when possible), veggies such as spinach, baby kale or peppers, and of course, cheese. The options are really endless.

What will you put in them?

3 Minute Mini Omelets 

Serves 1

1 large egg

1 tbsp shredded cheese

1 slice of low sodium ham, bacon or other meat of your choice

1/4 c diced veggies

In a microwave safe bowl lightly sprayed with nonstick cooking spray, whisk the egg until the yolk and white are well mixed.

Add in veggies.

Microwave for 1.5 minutes (3 minutes if the recipe is doubled). Heat your meat as needed.

Gently lift the egg to release it from the bottom of the bowl. Sprinkle with cheese and top with meat. Fold in half.

Done!

You can make a few ahead of time and keep them in the fridge for a couple days or in the freezer.

March Date: Richmond

Things don't always go as planned. For this particular date we had planned to make a quick trip to see our friends, but plans change and agendas are sometimes cut short. Regardless, we made the best of our quick outing together.

We had to go to Richmond for a Lasik consult for my hubby. We love visiting Richmond so we thought we'd take advantage of our time there. After his appointment, we made a mad dash to get something to eat. Our original plan was to go to a local firehouse themed restaurant. It was closed until 4pm. On to plan B. We opted for a delicious meal at Rock Bottom Brewery and Restaurant*. It was a new restaurant for us and we were excited about trying their fare.

Pardon his squint eyes...he was still dealing with dilated eyes

*I was not compensated in any way to give my opinions of this restaurant. They are completely given on my own accord.

It was a difficult decision of what to eat (because everything looked amazing). We both instantly agreed on an appetizer. We chose the Firecracker Shrimp.

I finally decided to go with the their Jambalaya. I really don't have words. It was SO GOOD! The flavor was completely on point and it was super filling.

Hubby chose the Maker's Mark Burger. I had a nibble and from the look of his plate by the end, it was a definite win.

We did a quick run into a couple of stores at the Short Pump Mall and began making our way back home. I happened to see a sign for Tom Leonard's Farmers Market. It was our last stop before heading home to the kids. I found some great deals on some fresh veggies. They were having an awesome sale on fresh jumbo shrimp but considering we were almost 2 hours from home and I had no cooler, they were a no go. I was so sad.

I got over my shrimp induced sadness and enjoyed delightful adult conversation on the way back home. While the date was brief, it was so nice to just be with him. I'm so glad we made the commitment to start dating again.

Joining Sweet Little Ones for Tuesday Talk