Currently: January 2017

I have not done a “currently” post in a while. It has been a challenging few months to say the least. My life has taken lots of altering turns since I last posted this type of piece in September 2016. Who knew that only a month later things would look so different.

Thinking About: I am thinking about all of the things I need to do in February. There is a lot to plan and look forward to. I’ve also been doing a lot of self-reflection, which has been both enlightening and difficult.

Working On: I am working on pulling ideas from my New House Pinterest boards. We sold our house at the beginning of January and in a couple of weeks we’ll meet with our builder to settle on final selections that will eventually bring the look of our new house together. The kitchen and living room have always been the heart of our home. I am so excited about finally having a streamline style throughout the house. Here are a few of the ideas inspiring the look of our new home.

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Learning: I am re-learning how to live happy. My joy cannot be taken. It comes from my love and relationship with Jesus. My happiness however, comes and goes. I have to choose my attitude. I used to be so “glass half full” but for a while now, I’ve felt that cup emptying. I am re-learning how to rejoice in ALL things. I am choosing to look on the bright side.

Watching: The only two shows I currently watch faithfully are Alone and Curse of Oak Island. I do not watch much television and we try to not let it necessarily be how we spend our family time so I am always behind on the latest TV drama. However, when these two shows are on (which are thankfully on after the kids go to bed) you can find me propped on the couch, eyes glued to the screen. These are shows that both my husband and I enjoy together.

Listening to: The radio. The CD player in my Jeep is malfunctioning and until my hubs can fix it, I find myself listening to our favorite radio station, 88.3 The Journey.

Reading: Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I’ve read several books this month. In fact, I’ve read more this past month than I have in the last few years. I hope to do a review post soon. I’ve been carving out reading time in the evenings as a way of working on self-care. Since meeting with my new counselor, I’ve become more motivated to take care of myself again.

Trying: I am trying to get back into my low carb way of eating. I did pretty well last week and lost almost 3lbs. I knew this would be a challenge and the last few days have been what I would consider flops. I just have to remind myself that every choice counts. My menu for February is looking good and I am becoming more determined daily. I have goals that I want to reach and I have things that I want to see happen. Some of these things are heavily influenced by my weight. I can do this!

Loving: I am loving my husband. The last few months have helped me see him with fresh eyes. He has changed in so many amazing ways and I am SO proud of the man he has become. God has been working in both of us and I find myself frequently falling in love with my sweet hubs over and over again. The pain and healing we have gone through since October has only strengthened our relationship together and as a couple with God. Life with him is not always beautiful, but it is our kind of perfect.

Low Carb Mini Sausage Biscuits

Low carb works for me and I have been trying to get it to work for my family as well. This can be challenging since my littles are not always on board. They will try everything I put before them, but they are quick to let me know which way their favor is going to go. I’ve also been learning how to work with almond flour. I definitely prefer it over coconut flour.

I find myself needing a lot more inspiration this time around. Prior to being off the low carb wagon for personal and medical reasons, I was doing great with making low carb meals. As I was making this month’s menu, I realized that I was a little burnt out on some of the dishes I was making and I knew if I was, my family certainly was.

This led me to making a purchase that I will hopefully review later. It has also led me to getting a little more creative in the kitchen. I used to think that a low carb way of life meant that you had to live without the food you love. Not so. Today’s recipe is living proof. I tried the original recipe by Peace Love and Low Carb and really liked it. I enjoyed them so much that I began trying different versions, adapting here and there and my sausage version has become a family favorite.

I love these little cheesy nuggets. Best yet, they are low carb, easy to make, freeze well and are toddler approved!

Ingredients*

4oz low fat cream cheese, softened

1 egg

1 ¼ c shredded, sharp cheddar cheese

½ tsp garlic powder

½ tsp onion powder

½ tsp Italian seasoning

1 ¼ c almond flour

¼ c heaving cream

¼ c water

4oz ground maple or breakfast sausage, browned and drained

 Directions

Preheat oven to 350.

In your mixer, cream the cream cheese until smooth and then add the egg. Blend well. Add the seasoning, spices and cheese. Mix on low or mix by hand with a spoon.

Combine the flour, cream and water with the cheese mixture until it is well incorporated. Gently mix in the sausage.

Scoop generous tablespoons of batter into a well-greased mini muffin tin. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes or until golden and no longer spongy to the touch.

Serve warm or cool and then freeze. If freezing, simply thaw and warm in the microwave until it reaches your desired temperature.

My kids are “dippers” and these pair well with ketchup or syrup.

Makes approximately 10 servings (3 muffins).

Nutrition (according to MyFitness Pal): Calories 339, Fat 28.8g, Sodium 475mg, Net Carbs 3.8g

* The fat content, as well as all other nutritional values will change depending upon the types of ingredients you choose to use. For example, full fat vs low fat cream cheese.

The add-ins are endless!

Sifting through the Wreckage: The Need for Self-care after Tragedy

Tragedy is defined as “a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster.” Yep. That about sums it up. Unfortunately, there is not one person who can avoid tragedy. The degree of tragedy is both perceived and real and can only be determined by the person experiencing it. This also means that the methods of coping, mending and moving on will vary.

 Regardless of the type or level of tragedy, self-care needs take place.

 While I am not a doctor or psychologist, I have had a lot of experience as a CPS Social Worker, Behavior Specialist and teacher, working with others that have faced various degrees of trauma. I have seen the spirals. I have connected people with resources and watched them recover and mend. I’ve been the advocate, the shoulder to cry on and the voice of reason.

 I will be perfectly honest that it has been really difficult being on this side of tragedy. 3 months ago my world was changed. I have always been the “fixer” and I have since found myself not being able to fix anything.  I also know that the unhealthy eating habits, unaddressed emotions and situational avoidance that I’ve been dealing with are not proactive ways to care for myself.

 The week of Christmas, we took the kids out to look at Christmas lights. On the way, I, yet again, found my mind wandering back to October 11^th. I was revisited by the sights and smells. I could hear the sounds…the screams, the cries. I could hear my own voice pleading to God. Crying is a typical response for me these days, and, as my husband asked if I was okay, I finally admitted that no, I was not okay.

 It was time for me to do what I have helped others do for years. I needed to take care of myself.

 Self-care looks different for everyone. During that drive, on what should be a joyful, fun filled evening, I sifted through what I and my husband felt needed to be addressed.

-Emotional eating

-Avoidance

-Nightmares and flashbacks

-Triggers

After sifting through these things with my husband, we both agreed that I would benefit from counseling.

So what does my self-care look like?

I have been counseling with my pastor and now, a licensed counselor.

I have been attempting to regain a control of my eating. I have been planning my meals again, shopping for low-carb options, and meal prepping.

I have been slowly working my way back into small group settings.

I have been praying…a lot. My prayers have been transformed since October 11^th. God has revealed Himself in new ways and I have learned so much about His character. He has grown me in the most unexpected ways.

My Beauty from Ashes Journal-I have been keeping a journal. At the top of the page I have titled it Beauty from Ashes. It is a running list of all of the good things that have come from this tragedy. On the days when I cannot see past the tears, a look at the list of blessings that have stemmed from the heartache, bring me back to God’s goodness.

This is what self-care currently looks like in my life.

Whatever self-care needs to look like for you, please take the first step forward. Seek out professional help or a trusted friend that will guide you through the process. There is no shame in taking care of yourself. There is no shame in seeking out help for what is altering your life. Tragedy takes on many forms and so does self-care.

What I’ve learned up to this point is that it is better not to wait. In order to move forward, you have to take the first step. I’ve also learned that the first step should not be taken alone. Rally the support you need, even if that can only begin with one person. You will make it through this. You really will be okay…maybe not now, but one day. You will be okay.

Psalms 62:5-8

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. Oh my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.

Farewell to Our First Home

In the fall of 2008 I moved into a quaint little Cape that nestled itself against the backdrop of the Blue Ridge Mountains. From August to October of that year, I painted and prepped that little house for what would be the first chapter of my upcoming marriage. In October 2008, we exchanged vows, I changed my last name, and we began a life together in that little house.

 Photo Credit: Realtor April Bailey

Much has happened in and outside of those walls. We survived storms of all sorts. We hosted friends, family and strangers. We reaped the harvest of a modest garden and hiked the surrounding apple orchards. We watched sunrises and sunsets. We made that little house a home.

Some of our fondest and saddest memories to date have been made in that house.

It is the house that we brought both of our babies home to.

 It's where G began to love cooking and baking...

It is where we spent countless hours outside with each passing season...

It was where we got the news that my father and grandfather passed...both in 2012, just months apart.

It's where birthdays and holidays were celebrated with such joy.

It is the home where I would fall in love with my husband over and over again.

It was my sanctuary at the end of a long day.

For 8 years it was the place I called "home".

We tested the vows of marriage as we took on renovation projects…some of which were only finished because we put the house on the market.

Why would we leave such a strongly built, memory containing, scenic spot? Simple. We had another dream. About 4 years into our marriage we decided that one day we would build. We loved the idea of starting with a blank slate and creating a house that encompassed all that we’d like in a house. A couple years ago we were blessed to purchase 28 acres. The view is stunning and the location is ideal considering my husband and I work in opposite directions. We are hoping to finally break ground by the end of February or early March.

 This is a dream we have had and to see it all start to come together is overwhelming in the best way. God has shown us his favor through this whole process. It began with the land purchase. It then began to come together even more when we were able to rent from my in-laws and move out in order to finish some projects and leave the house empty for sale. Within about 3 weeks of being on the market, a couple fell in love with the location and our little house and as of this week, the ownership was transferred from us to them. Everything has come together beautifully and we could not have asked for a better outcome for all involved.

I look forward to sharing this next part of our journey as it unfolds. Until then, I’ll leave you with some of the sweet memories that made our first home so dear.

Linking up for Mommy Moments

The Kids Behind the Blog: January 2017

It's still hard to believe we're now in 2017. However, it's such a treat to join the Kids Behind the Blog link-up once again. 

Here are my 3 year old's responses to this month's questions. At some point my 1 1/2 yo will contribute, but until then I'll be going off assumptions and observations :)

1.) What's your favorite thing to do or play inside?
Play in the car.

2.) Have you ever seen or played in snow? If so, what's your favorite snow activity? 
Yes. Make angels. (She made the motion of making Snow Angels with her arms as she tried to figure out what they were called.)

N was not a fan of the snow this year.

3.) What was your favorite Christmas or holiday gift you received? 
My Elsa Barbie and my Jeep

N loves playing with his fire truck.

4.) What's your favorite winter vacation you went on? Why? 
She hasn't been on a winter vacation #parentfail

5.) Would you rather live where it's warm all year round or have the seasons?
There needs to be Winter because I like snowmen.

And there you have it!

What is Your Lion?

What keeps you up at night? You may think that it is something you watched on television or the sad news on the other end of the phone or a stack of bills you cannot pay. However, if you really look at what is keeping you awake, you’ll find that it boils down to what those thoughts or situations are prompting. Difficult, threatening and painful situations evoke feelings. Those feelings come in the way anxiety and fear. It is the anxiety and fear that leaves you lying awake with a full mind, troubled heart, and a pile of used tissues.

 We think that it is the event or possibilities that keep us awake, but it is actually the feelings those circumstances or experiences evoke. I have been dealing with nightmares and flashbacks for the last couple of months. They cause my anxiety level to rise quickly. My stress level also rises. These high levels then begin impacting me physically. I’ll feel sick, tired and overwhelmed.

 During a recent counseling session, my counselor told me to find time over the next couple of weeks to sit with the tragedy that I had experienced. I did not know what she meant by that at first. She explained that I am constantly battling how I feel. I am constantly trying to be strong and be where people think I should be in the healing process. I am trying to plan ahead and predict what may or may not happen. She recognized that I have yet to really sit with what has happened…

 This Monday was a Snow Day. As a teacher, it means an extra day of snuggles and downtime with my kiddos. I woke up thinking, today needs to be the day. Today needs to be the day when I sit in the quiet and just be with what has happened. No processing. No “what ifs”. I need to just be with the reality. I took my kids to the sitter, and despite wanting them here with me, I came home and sat in the silence.

 Revisiting October 11^th is painful. In fact, painful does not begin to describe it, but without details that I am not quite ready to share, know that pain is weaved all throughout.

 I was drawn back to a verse that I had come across not long after getting this “assignment” from my counselor.

I think back to what happened and I think about this verse. This tragedy is my “lion”. I was spared life. Each day that passes, I find moments where sadness overwhelms me, but I am also seeing more moments of joy…joy that I was not sure I’d be able to feel again. We are instructed to rejoice in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:16) and I have been finding ways to rejoice about what I’ve been through. Each day He is giving me strength. He is offering me grace each morning my feet hit the floor. He is by my side. My testimony has grown exponentially through this devastation and as I become more able to share, it will serve as an avenue for me to witness to others about God’s goodness and love. There is a message in this part of my life that needs to be heard. Just as in Timothy’s time, there are those living a life without the Salvation of Christ. If my story can pierce or soften one heart that will come to know Him, then it will have been worth all the heartache.

I have been delivered from the lion’s mouth. I have been set apart to share what others can or may not share. I have seen how God has saved me from the wreckage. While I still struggle with certain feelings and circumstances, I am no longer captive, and you need not be either. He is by your side. He will give you strength. He will deliver you.

What is your lion?

My Top 3 in 2016

This year has been a whirlwind. I have experienced a roller coaster ride of emotions and experiences...so much so that I am still trying to catch my breath in a lot ways. I want to thank all of you have been offering your love and support as the days drift on. This year might have overtaken me if the love of the Lord had not been so evident through you.

In looking back over these past 12 months, I've come across some moments I've put to the back of my mind and others that seem as fresh as the day they happened. I thought to wrap up this year, I'd share the top 3 most viewed blog posts from Rejoice and Repeat.

3.

What's Bigger than My Diagnosis?

In this post I share our infertility struggles and what we did to overcome them.

2.

Two Months After Tragedy
In this post I share update on the healing and personal obstacles I have been dealing with since October's tragedy.

1.

When God Uses the Unimaginable
This post was the first I shared about the tragedy I experienced this fall.