Infertility Hurdles: The Company You Keep

From a recent bible study session I had a pretty big epiphany. All that I've been through up to this point (and all that I will go through) is necessary. Necessary. That word causes a major sense of bitterness at the sound. Doctor appointments: necessary. Less dairy (and most of the foods I love): necessary. Blood work: necessary. Medication: necessary. Screaming into a pillow: necessary. There are a lot of unpleasant "necessary" moments in the Land of Infertility. Rarely do I ever consider these things good...that was until recently.

It's easy to settle into a place of constant bitterness and sadness.

You want more than anything to have what others have. The constant "why can she and not me?" question permanently embeds itself in your mind.

I suppose this idea of "necessary" has been an area of struggle for me for quite some time. I know God has a plan for my life but why? Why am I going through this? I'm young. I'm stable. I have so much love to give...why is this part of my journey so necessary?

I know now...well, actually I now accept, that I need to turn my thoughts of necessary around. Had I not previously gone through this journey I would not have any experience in order to relate to those women who are also battling infertility. I would not have found some of the friends I have found through various support groups if I had not been diagnosed with PCOS. This second time around has not been any easier to accept. However, had I not begun this journey again I would not have felt led to start an infertility related bible study. I would not have connected with some amazing women on the sweetest of faith based levels. My faith would not have been challenged in this way and I would not know God's goodness the way I know it now.

When surrounding yourself with support through the journey (and you should), be sure you are careful of the company you keep. Try to surround yourself with positive people. While the journey is hard, you don't want people that will feed into your bitterness. You need to seek out those who still have optimism, who still have hope and will still support you when circumstances turn. Infertility is difficult enough without constantly focusing on all that is not going right.

The women that I am currently going through this study with definitely fit the bill. We all laugh together. We cry. We hope. We dream. We cling to a God who knows our hearts and has brought us together to serve as tangible examples of His love for us. I've challenged all of us to change our view of "necessary". We all also accepted the challenge, regardless of what our heads tell us, to change our thoughts from "I doubt it happened this cycle" to "I claim this cycle and consider myself PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise) during the TTW." Hope is what we have. Faith is what we cling to and His grace is how we survive.

Just a side note...when it comes to the company you keep, consider the relationship and comfort level that you have with your doctor.  Some women decide to go with a specialist.  Find one that meets your needs and suits your personality and goals. If you're like me and various reasons hinder the use of a specialist,  work with a doctor that works with your particular condition.  A lot of doctors are familiar with my PCOS but I had to change practices in order to find a doctor that knew how to treat it and could give me reasons why they were choosing the types of treatment that they were suggesting. You are your best advocate.

I hope that no matter what you're going through you'll accept that no matter how difficult the journey, each moment is necessary.

::via::