Infertility Hurdles: The Men That Love Us

Infertility is vicious. It can rock the foundation of even the strongest relationships...primarily marriage. It's not easy for our good men to go through the journey with us, but the great ones stick it out, hold our hands, let us cry, cry with us, and live out love everyday despite their frustration.



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It's a miracle that my husband still hangs around the house.

I've been enlightened over the last few months. When we began to TTC again, I knew things would be hard...but I didn't realize I'd be battling the ghosts of my past. The same emotions plague my heart. The same thoughts bounce around in my brain. The same tears fall...and through it all, my husband has proven himself amazing...again.

I was determined to not have us fall into the same rut. The last time "doing the deed" became "mandatory" when a positive opk showed itself. The romance faded. The spontaneity was gone. Let's be honest, after months of trying and disappointment, the magic disappears. It's not something you mean to happen but it will quickly become an issue if you don't keep things in check.

In an attempt to keep things fresh, I didn't tell my hubby when ovulation was imminent.  Just a couple months into this new journey, I decided to initiate some romance. I kid you not...the first words out of my husband's mouth were, "does that mean you got a positive test?" Ouch. At that moment I realized I had conditioned my husband. He was fertility trained. It still stings a bit but after discussing some things with him, I now have a better understanding.

From my hubby's perspective, he sincerely wants to know. He wants to walk this journey with me and he wants to be aware of what is going on. I didn't realize...

After talking with a few friends, I've grown to have more of an appreciation for the men in our lives that walk this journey of infertility with us. (Please keep in mind that my husband has been medically cleared. The issues lie in me. I know this is not always the case. Male infertility is a very real issue but I can't speak to that particular situation.)

Just like anything else, men will respond in different ways. After discussing this matter with several people, I've compiled a short list of some common emotions and responses that the men in our lives have regarding our infertility journeys.

-Helplessness: Men are fixers. It's hard for them to see us cry, pray and hope only to be disappointed time after time. They want to make things better and feel helpless when they can't change our circumstances.

-Angry: Men become angry with themselves, their spouses and friends. They are angry with themselves because they can't help us. They don't fully understand and become overwhelmed. They become angry with their spouses because of the demands placed upon them. They become angry with friends, not necessarily at them, but at their more fortunate circumstances.

-Overwhelmed: Men too can become overwhelmed with the financial, emotional, physical, and mental demands of infertility.

-Tired: Like us, they get tired of schedules, demands, our hormonal rollercoasters, etc.

-Indifference: "If it happens, it happens." "If it's God's will..." "We can't rush these things." They take the stance of "no worries".

For more insight, take a look at the "7 Words that Describe Infertility from a Male's Perspective."

My husband has said that the hardest thing for him is to see me hurt and to know that there is nothing he can do. Oh honey. You do so much. I am so grateful for all of the time, money, and energy that you contribute to our dreams. I thank you for your endless love and support. There is no one else that I'd rather walk this journey with. Be sure to thank your man for the good things...even if it's just one thing. They need to know we need them.

More from this series:

Infertility Hurdles: It's All In Your Head

 

Also linking up with Home of Malones for Thoughts for Thursday.