I mentioned the other day that I've felt really compelled to blog a series of posts on infertility hurdles. Needless to say, it's been a really tough week. What looked so promising ended up being a bust. Why is something that is supposed to be so "natural" so ridiculously hard?!
There are so many difficulties that lie within the realm of infertility. It is an all encompassing medical matter. The heart, mind and body are all impacted.
I thought I'd begin focusing on the mind. If you've been in the
Land of Infertility for any amount of time it's likely that you've heard something like this...
"If you'd just stop thinking about it..."
"Once you stop trying..."
"Just relax..."
You'll run into these well-meaning "best of intentions" at some point if you haven't already. It's only natural for our friends and family (and did I mention complete strangers) to offer advice on something they know very little about. They want to make us feel better...oh if they only knew how words can hurt.
A war begins to wage in your mind. You begin to question your self-worth, your ability to be a good mom, your choices, and your future. One of the biggest questions is "when will it be my turn?!" Unfortunately there is no cookie-cutter standard for a time frame. For some it's the first round of meds and for some it's never. Most of us fall somewhere in between.
With every baby shower invite, birth announcement, pregnancy announcement and trip into Wal-Mart you are bombarded with baby.
Unfortunately, it's not like the desensitization of children with video games. For those struggling with infertility, this constant exposure only makes the longing worse.
Not only do you question your time, but you frequently wonder how all of these people who, despite your desire to not pass judgment, can have kids that they tend to so carelessly. Why do drug users, abusers, teenagers, etc. get to bring life into this world when you have a loving, stable home in which to raise a child? It makes no sense...and that is something that sooner or later, you'll just have to accept. Tough stuff, but true.
You walk around raw. Broken. Struggling to hold onto hope.
Your life becomes a roller coaster of emotions. Your cry frequently and avoid certain social situations. You separate your times of waiting. It probably goes something like this...
From personal experience, these thoughts and constant highs and lows, when not dealt with, can lead to depression. I struggled silently for the majority of our TTC journey. It wasn't healthy and impacted every area of my life. That's why, when we decided to TTC this time around, I knew I needed to do something different.
I'm finding my voice.
There is no one thing that you can do to over come the sadness that comes from infertility, but you can do many little things to help yourself along the way.
-Talk about it. This is not easy for most but it is necessary. Maybe there is one person you feel you can trust. Possibly join a support group. Don't try to work it out on your own.
-Speak with your doctor. Make sure that your physician is aware of how you are feeling. They need to help keep this in check.
-Take mental breaks. Maybe you have a hobby or enjoy the outdoors. Find something to occupy your mind for even a moment...because lets face it, when you are TTC it is almost impossible to think about anything else.
-Journal. This was something I did faithfully. It's how I recognized (although after the fact) that I was dealing with depression. When your thoughts are penned to paper, they are no longer captive.
-Chocolate. Okay. This is not the best advice and I do kind of kid when I mention this one, but there is something about a moment with chocolate that makes the world seem momentarily right again.
-Cling to your faith. As a Christian, I did not fully rely on God to get me through that time. I admit it. I wanted to control something and while I could actually control none of it, I didn't turn to Him the way I should have. I was not in the Word faithfully, and I began feel like my prayers were rote as opposed to from the heart. I became numb. I didn't live what I truly believed. I lost sight of the fact that God is in control, that He has a beautiful plan for my life, and that His miracles take time. Delving into His Word helps to keep these truths fresh when Satan tries to tell us otherwise.
I hope you'll find some comfort here, regardless of how you can relate. Remember it's not all in your head. What you feel is real. And maybe you are a friend of someone TTC. Use this information to your advantage. Don't give advice. Don't pity. Be a friend. Be a shoulder. Pray.
