It's Time to Share

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Two years ago this past Wednesday remains a very special day for my husband and I. It was the day our lives changed forever and our hearts’ cries were answered. It was the day I got my first BFP! (For those of you not familiar with the lingo that stands for a Big Fat Positive on a pregnancy test.) It was a time in our lives we’ll cherish forever.

Celebrating our BFP in August 2012

Now that we are on the TTC journey once again, I long for that same moment of initial disbelief. Every month that passes and does not result in fulfilling our dream for another child brings back the emotions that continue to haunt me. Doubt. Fear. Anxiety. Guilt. These painful feelings often make me feel less and alone.

This time around I’ve been doing things a bit differently to handle the emotions and thoughts that tend to come with repeated failure. 

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1. I’m talking. When we went through our first attempt at conceiving I did not tell anyone. When I realized our dreams may not come true I found it even more difficult to talk about our struggles. I battled depression silently. Relationships were negatively impacted and my faith became luke warm. This time I’ve come to realize the importance of talking about our struggles with infertility and that there is no shame in what we’re going through.

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People are surprised that we are struggling with infertility since we “already have a child”. What they fail to realize or maybe just don’t know, is that infertility doesn’t just “go away.” I don’t ovulate on my own despite weight loss and a change in eating habits and exercise. I have to rely on medication to help but this medication is only allowed for a few cycles due to its stress on the reproductive system. People also think that I should just be content with what we have. I do not ever want to sound ungrateful. I am so unbelievably blessed to be the mother to our daughter. She came to us after a very long time of trial and error, tears and heartache. 

She is not just my daughter. She is proof of God’s continued goodness and response to prayer. She is a miracle. 

I try not to feel guilty (although I have in the recent past) for wanting another when there are some who may never get the opportunity. I know how blessed I am. However, the desire to grow our family weighs heavily on both of our hearts (my hubby longs to add to our family as well) and we truly believe that God would not place such a passion in our hearts if He did not have plans to fulfill them. So please…don’t tell us to just be content with what we have. Also please don't tell us to "just adopt." It's not that simple...My hubby and I are very open to adoption and just like last time, we continue to pray about this option but do not feel led at this time to pursue this route. 

It’s so important for me to be able to be open about infertility. It is a real medical issue that is expensive, often requires life style changes, medication, and sometimes results in surgical and/or other invasive medical procedures…and yet, unlike diabetes or cancer, most insurances in most states do not cover anything related directly to infertility. I need to talk about this. I need to advocate. I need to let others know they are not alone.


2. This brings me to the next thing I’ve changed this go around. I’m reaching out. I’m learning what is available to me and what may or may not be beneficial. I changed medical professionals so that I was getting better care and I’m regularly trying to connect with others dealing with infertility. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been trying for 6 months or 6 years, every negative test and failed attempt breaks yet another piece of you. Ironically, it's been through this experience that I've found out just how strong I can be...

 

As a Christian, I sincerely believe God has a plan for my life and that His timing is perfect. I also believe however that due to sin’s presence in this world, there are things that we will face that require extra assistance. Infertility is one of those things. I’ve learned so much and have found a growing amount of support from connecting with others who are also facing infertility. 

 

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3. Getting in the Word. When we were TTC our daughter, my faith really fell into a dark, mediocre place. I prayed continually until I didn’t feel like I even knew what to say any more. There were times when I felt like my prayers were bouncing off the floor of Heaven. Was God really listening? The answer to that is yes. His love for me is woven through this journey we’ve been on and He will continue to rain down His love and grace on us as we carry on.

I’m in the beginning stages of starting a new Bible Study. I am SO EXCITED! God has brought some amazing women in my life and together we are going to start this journey in the Word. We can’t make it through all that infertility throws at us without a foundation in scripture. This is probably the most important aspect of my healing and motivation to continue hoping even when every part of me is tired of doing so. I need those precious reminders of His love and I need His words to rebuke the lies that Satan repeatedly tries to impress upon my heart and mind.

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I write all of this to say that I’ve also felt led to do a little blog series on Infertility Hurdles. Such topics will include (but not limited to) infertility’s impact on relationships, the physical, emotional and mental strain, and self-care. I hope you’ll join me as I begin this outreach opportunity. I am not an expert and can only provide insight from my perspective, experience and research. I don't pretend to know everything about the struggle. My journey is my own just as yours is to you. However, if anything I've experienced can make just one person feel encouraged than I've used the pain for good. It is a part of my testimony.

If you are struggling with infertility, please feel free to contact me. I truly feel God has brought me through something that I can no longer dismiss, especially since we are facing it once again. Don’t fight this alone. Get mad. Allow yourself to cry…but don’t lose hope.

Pins that Work



It's another Oh Hey Friday! I've survived my first week of school, which I'll probably share about at some point. Tonight I'll be hosting a little get together at my house and after a long week, it's the perfect way to wind down. Who doesn't enjoy a good laugh with girlfriends?

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I've been trying to utilize some of my pins on Pinterest. I only have hundreds that I haven't tried (but swear I will someday.) I thought I'd share with you a few pins that I've personally tried and have found to be successful. Let's face it, there are many wonderful sounding ideas (particularly recipes) and then, once you try them, they don't make the cut. I hope to share a few that you'll find helpful.

[Removing Grease Stains]
Who hasn't accidently dropped a chicken wing or something else grease laden on their shirt or pants? If you haven't, maybe you're not enjoying life to its fullest. For those of us that end up with the mysterious or not so mysterious grease stains on our clothing, there is hope. This past week I indeed required some assistance with a grease stain acquired during dinner. Tara at We Got Real has an excellent method for removing these types of stains. I actually came home and followed her instructions. I held my breath as I pulled my khakis from the washer and tada! No more grease stain!

 

 

[Clean Floors]

Having a toddler, spills are inevitable. Don't you just love walking into the kitchen, or any other room for that matter, and have your foot stick to the flooring? Your mind goes through many scenarios as to how it got there and what it might be. I'm all about a clean floor. I have fallen for this simple DIY cleaning solution. It smells fresh, doesn't leave any type of film and is very inexpensive...not to mention my floors look fabulous!

 

 

 

[BBQ Chicken and Kale Pizza]

This is a personal favorite that was created in my own kitchen. I haven't made it in a while but have added to the menu once again. It's full of fiber, protein and a great way to get in your greens.

 

 

 

[Healthy Peanut Butter Chunk Oatmeal Bars]

As a sweet lover I am always skeptical about sweets that are deemed "healthy". Typically they have a cardboard texture/taste and I feel as though I've wasted not only time but ingredients to make some of these things. With that being said, I shared those same hesitations when I stumbled upon this recipe for Healthy Peanut Butter Chunk Oatmeal Bars. I made them as snack for a road trip we took...and to my surprise, they were pretty tasty! In fact, my hubby and mom gave their approval. Besides what's not to love about chocolate and peanut butter?

 

 

 

[Fruit Salsa]

This is one of my personal favorites. I wanted a taste of something light and fresh that wouldn't make me need a nap afterwards. I came across this recipe for Fruit Salsa and Cinnamon Chips. Super easy. Super good. I imagine you could add a variety of other fruits, but it would not be necessary. The combination of fruits listed in the ingredients is a perfect mixture. Note: Instead of using the brown sugar and preserves in the original recipe, I used 1tbsp. of sugar-free raspberry jello powder mix.

 

 

 

**All photos are stock and can be found by clicking on the corresponding links**

 



Linking up with September Farm



Thoughts for Thursday

There are a lot of things I could talk about today...and it's too easy to sit and focus on what could have been or what might be and miss what is going on right now. I want to focus on the present...this beautiful, precious, fleeting life of  blessings.

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In light of our current circumstances, there really is so much good. One of my favorite moments from the last few days comes from this past weekend.

My hubby has been dying to get our little one on the four wheeler. I refused to allow this until we had a helmet that would fit her tiny toddler head. On Saturday I went to a huge consignment sale, and among the much  needed pajamas and fall/winter clothing scores, I happened upon a helmet that was just her size.

The hubs was so excited!!! We could not go out on Saturday thanks to the evening weather...but Sunday, well that was a whole new day.

That evening we geared her up and set her on the four wheeler for the first time. She wasn't too sure of it at first, but then grew to really enjoy it.

We joined up with my in-laws and rode into the orchard. We stopped by some nectarine and peach trees for a little break where we stocked up on some fresh fruit.

G enjoyed some nectarine thanks to Papa.

She then took a stroll with Papa and Granny...

We eventually headed back where we all cleaned up and headed to bed soon thereafter. I can't get enough of our little miracle. Every moment is so precious and gone too quickly and for each one of those moments I am so thankful.

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Linking up with Annie for this week's TFT.

Tasty Tuesday: Taco Pasta Bake

Taco Tuesday is huge at our house and I do my best to introduce new recipes on a regular basis. Over the weekend I decided to try one of my pins to see if it would be suitable for one of our favorite nights of the week.

This pasta dish is simple and oh so good. You can find the original recipe here. Here's how it happened at my house...

Ingredients:
1lb ground beef
1pkg. Taco seasoning (low sodium)
4 oz cream cheese (low fat), cubed
1c. Shredded Mexican cheese
1c. Water
12oz. dry ziti

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350.
Brown and drain the beef.

Cook the pasta according to package directions.

Mix in the water and taco seasoning with the beef. Heat on medium for 5 minutes and add the cream cheese. Once the cream cheese is melted add 1/2 of the shredded cheese.

Spread the drained pasta in a 9×13 pan. Pour the meat mixture over the pasta and toss together.

Sprinkle the remaining cheese on top. Bake for 20 minutes. 

Enjoy! This would pair nicely with a salad.  We did fresh fruit.

Even the itty bitty enjoyed it.

Linking up with Green Fashionista for 

Tasty Tuesday. 

Back to Class

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Well our Teacher Work week was not as productive as I had hoped simply because of obligations that required us to be in other places besides our classrooms (e.g. in-services, trainings, etc.) I am glad to say however that I had a pretty successful Open House. 14 of my 16 students showed up and most of those came with their supplies. This allowed for me to get everything put away prior to Monday morning.

Thanks to Reagan at Tunstall's Teaching Tidbits, I came up with a new system for my families. For the most part, the parents complied with my instructions and the sorting and structure worked fairly well. Of course you'll always have those who choose to do their own thing and well, I worked around that.

I altered a couple of her stations, but overall kept the same idea. I believe I'll learn from this experience, tweak the system and use it again next year.

Here was my setup:

Station 1: Student Folder
Parents picked up their child's folder, filled out the remaining forms, and compiled all of their signature pages into the folder. (Most parents did this...some had to be redirected despite my GIANT sign.)

Station 2: Supply Drop Off
This worked pretty well. It was an easy way for me to get the new students involved while their parents filled out paperwork. The students seemed to enjoy sorting their supplies and for me it was a big help. A couple of parents wanted to simply put all of the supplies on the counter or their child's desk...::sigh:: However, once redirected, this was corrected.

Station 3: Backpacks
Students found their backpack hook. It was here that they left their backpacks and placed their binders.

Station 4: Meet the Teacher
At this station the parents asked any questions they had, handed in their folders and were offered a little treat.

Overall this was a successful evening. Like I said, I have a few tweaks to make but ultimately I'd say it was a positive experience for everyone.

I'm always trying to make improvements. As a parent/guardian, are there any particular things you like to see at your school's Open House? Any ideas for making a "meet the teacher" night more successful?

New Territory

This week has been challenging for various reasons. Open House has come and gone and the first day of school is just around the corner. I'm exhausted and school hasn't even begun! I've also been on an emotional roller coaster this week...I'm not sure if it's the hormone surge from the fertility meds or a change in the weather but it has been tough and after reading Elena's blog (baby Ridley bump) this week it appears I'm not the only one trying to push through these last few days. It was as if she and I had been living with parallel emotions this week. In order to keep face I've been trying to focus on the great things we've had going lately.

Over the last couple months we've been working towards one of our goals. My husband and I have been praying to move for quite some time. I would personally be fine with moving into another house but my husband (who up until the last few months did not want to even consider moving) compromised with the "I'll move if we can build." Okay. That settles it. The search for land began. We've been eyeing properties for quite some time and either the price wasn't right or the amount of property wasn't to my husband's liking.

Then a gift fell from Heaven. Pardon the theatrics but the way we came to learn about this particular piece of property, the way the loan and funding came together and the land itself were truly gifts from God.

I now present to you (now that I can officially do so) the piece of land that we'll eventually build our dream home upon.

You're looking at a beautiful view that backs our 28.4 acre track. I will have a deck that allows me to enjoy the scenery.

Since making the deal official we've been scoping out floor plans. It's a bit overwhelming but super fun at the same time! We've also been looking at various decorating and paint pallet options. Here are a few ideas we're quite partial to...

[Living Room]

Neutral Living Room

We have dark brown living room furniture but I love the color pallet and we could make it work with our current furniture.

Twig Curtains

 

[Kitchen]
Should we decide to build a home that allows for an informal and formal eating area, this is an idea that I adore. I love the big windows and the comfy seating.

Informal eating area

Kitchen with Island (and Double Ovens of course)


 

[Master Bedroom]

Paint Pallet

[G's Big Girl Room]

I've been eyeing lots of mermaid related themes for G's big girl room. This is just one of the ideas that I really like...I do think I'd probably opt for a slightly softer color scheme though. You can see more mermaid theme ideas here.

Mermaid

[Laundry Room]
I've never had a "laundry room". In college our washer/dryer sat in the kitchen. Currently our machines are housed in our basement...not the most convenient of situations...so when I saw this laundry room design I instantly fell in love.

Laundry Room

These are just a few of the ideas I've pinned to my various New House boards. While this girl dreams of many things, I can focus on the tasks at hand and maybe, just maybe, even more wonderful things will follow.

Any insight or advice about building a home would be greatly appreciated!

Linking up with The Farmer's Wife and September Farm for this week's Oh Hey Friday.

Thoughts for Thursday

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It's very probable that I'll be preparing for and/or in the swing of today's Open House at the time you're reading this. It's the day when I meet my new little ones and meet the families of those I'll be interacting with throughout the year. I'm very blessed to work for such an amazing school. While I know you'll think I'm biased (and quite frankly I am), I can't help but feel I work with one of the most wonderful groups of people that could possibly exist. Our administration is unlike any other and the sense of family and community are felt from the moment you walk in the door. It's this feeling of pride that gets me heated when our ability to educate is attacked. The saddest part is that we're not even battling the national politics. The damage is being done on the home front.

This evening we've been asked to attend a very important meeting where we'll find out the results of an exhaustive Efficiency Study requested by our town's board of supervisors. I am still in awe of how little some of the members and some of our own community think of the importance of education and the funding that is necessary to ensure that our children have what they need.

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I don't know what this evening's meeting will bring but I've prayed for our county and our school system. It's hard to see something I'm so passionate about being 1. taken for granted 2. underfunded and 3. under scrutiny. It's as if these people have forgotten that these children are our future and it's quite evident that they have no regard for the fact that someone, at some point in their lives, took the time to teach them, guide them, and encourage them to become something.



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I apologize for the rant...it just hurts my heart. However, I will proceed on. Come what may we are educators. Our hope lies in the future of these little faces that enter our doors. Our joy comes from revelations and the smallest of successes. We are blessed to play such an important part in the lives of those that have the potential to go on and change the world.

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I want to thank those of you who are invested in your child's education. I thank you for supporting your community's schools and teachers. Thank you for promoting, advocating, and hoping for a future. (And thanks for tolerating my vent session.)

I'm linking up today with Natalie and Annie for Thoughts on Thursday. I hope you'll join us!