Walking with Gideon: When We Doubt

I have uncovered so many treasures as I've walked with Gideon. I've only scratched the surface of his story so far and I already find myself examining aspects of my spiritual walk. His story once again proves that the battles we face have been going on for centuries and yet through it all our God has remained constant.

I've been really trying to focus on my blessings since my last walk with Gideon and I've been trying to be more Heaven minded. It's hard to do when your mind and heart struggle to comprehend things that we may never understand on this side of Heaven. Trying to channel into this mindset was a great way to enter into the next part of my reading.

Judges 6:11-16

 

I often ask the Lord "why?" Why am I going through this? What could Your purpose be? Why would You chose me? These broad questions become even more specific as I focus on the doubts and anxieties that I have had surrounding our infertility and raising our child (and future children) in a broken world. Just like Gideon in verse 13, I've questioned why things have happened to us. If I serve such a mighty God and I am trying to serve Him as best I can, why does it appear (appear being the key word) that evil profits?  It's easy to feel abandoned when you don't get immediate answers.

As I focused on these questions, I had a moment of clarity. The "whys" of this world are tied to earthly longings. I've overlooked the fact that my ultimate goal and reward will be received in Heaven. I will be honored for living a life pleasing to God when I meet Him face to face. While it's hard to wrap my mortal brain around such supernatural truths, it helps me be a little more okay with not understanding and it gives me the courage and drive to continue on.

With that in mind, it can be difficult to remember that not only does God send and guide us on our journey, but he goes before us. When Gideon questioned how God would use him in verse 14, the Lord told him to go with the strength that he has and to remember that God was sending him. God does not question our ability to conquer our doubts and fears because after all, He is the one with us, providing our strength, equipping us to face the battle.

::via::

We often accept these things as head knowledge but don't let them become heart knowledge. How often have I been reminded of what I know of God's character only to question Him? Gideon plays the same game. Instead of focusing on his strength and ability through Christ, he focuses on his own weaknesses (v. 15). There have been many times throughout our TTC journey that I have felt like a broken piece of machinery. There is something wrong with me that meds attempt to correct and doctors monitor. I'm certain God has used these things to assist me on my way and ultimately He has used these things to further His purpose. In the case of our infertility He led me to new doctors that finally diagnosed my condition correctly and had a wealth of knowledge that finally provided answers. He brought me to professionals that could give me a plan.

In the darkest of those moments I've found myself needing to just sit and be still. It continues to be in those moments that God reminds me that He will be with me (v. 16). Everyday we encounter obstacles that challenge our faith. It's important that we focus our hearts and minds on the reminders that God provided for Gideon and remain true to this day...
1. He is orchestrating the journey.
2. He will be with us through it all.

What are you questioning God about right now?

Does it change your perspective to know that God is going before you and everything that you will encounter has been sieved through His hands?