Mourning My Maternity Leave

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Monday...back to being my least favorite day of the week. This Monday in particular is very difficult. After a wonderful 8 weeks of maternity leave, I will be heading back to work. I'm so envious of places that offer longer and/or paid maternity leave. If I could have afforded to take the remaining four weeks I most certainly would have. But such is life.

Checking emails is already a bit overwhelming. Meetings, deadlines, and concerns regarding next year's budget (already!) make up most of my emails. I love coming back to discussions of whether or not more teachers will lose their positions for next year (insert eye roll). Because of my maternity leave, I'll be 20 days shy of being able to earn tenure this year, which only adds to the stress whenever budgets are involved. I'm walking into a classroom of students I have met once, not to mention have very little working knowledge of their academics. I have a whole new set of parents to get to know and I can only imagine how many times I'll hear, "That's not how Mrs. ________ did it."

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Honestly, I want to cry. Packing my babies' bags for the sitter was agonizing. I know to some this all sounds melodramatic but seriously, my heart aches at the thought of going back to missing so much of their little lives each day. I was fine when I was in the daily grind and I was kind of numb to that reality. It's all very fresh right now. Add to that hormones and limited sleep,  I can be classified as a hot mess.

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Now...the flip side of this is that I serve an awesome, gracious God. I wanted N to be at least 3 months before I had to return to work and he turned 3 months this past week. I do love my job. I feel I am a good teacher and I have a passion for what I do. I just have to learn to give myself a little grace. Fortunately I'll be coming back to a very loving and supportive group of friends and coworkers. I don't have the luxery of working outside the home as an option and since that is the case I consider myself quite blessed to have a job I love, with people I treasure at a school that I embrace as my second home.

While this week, and many days to come, will prove difficult,  I am so grateful for both the time I've had with my babies, God's provision and a job that I know I am called to. It's easy to worry and stress but that does nothing for anyone. Besides...now I can start the countdown to Christmas Break ;)

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