The Bigger Picture

I don't know when I became such a worrier. I remember, how at one time, I did not spend my life worrying about what may never happen, how things would come together, and the word "if" meant very little to me. At that point in my life God was bigger than anything I'd face. When did I make Him so small?

Life lately has presented many challenges and uncertainties. These types of things have always been a part of my life, but the amount of time I allowed my mind to wonder about such things was very little. I find myself missing those days and I also find myself searching for answers. My prayers seek His wisdom and I try to rest in His assurance and promises.

This weekend brought about a lot things that I could easily allow to consume me. It's easy to be frustrated, angry, overwhelmed and worried. Will any of these feelings add greatness or blessing to my life? Will they extend my days? Will they add quality to my moments? No. These feelings only serve to steal my happiness and suppress my joy.

In a moment of tears (and in my defense, these pregnancy hormones have been on overload lately) my sweet toddler came to me with a look of serious concern upon her face. The precious words, "Mommy, you okay?" overwhelmed my heart. I know as she gets older she'll begin to understand the meaning behind tears and adult concerns and I want her to be able to face these things as God calls and enables us to. I've realized I need a spiritual overhaul when it comes to fully putting my trust in His provision.

I know He will provide and I know His timing is perfect, and yet, my human nature allows for opportunities to question that, despite the limitless evidence of His work. He does provide a peace the surpasses our understanding, but we can't rely on how we "feel" to ensure that we recognize what He is doing in our lives. After all, the heart can be deceiving. We have to cling to what we know. My best friend has served as a wonderful reminder of this truth. She keeps this state of mind in perspective for me and I realize that I need to seek the blessing instead of the "what if" in our situations.

I've been thinking on Philippians 4:6-7 and the one part that has really been embedding itself in my head is when it says, "...and thank Him for all He has done." I know to bring my requests to Him and I know I should not worry, but it is becoming more and more clear that if I take time to focus on what I am thankful for and I spend those moments thanking Him for what He's done, I do not have time to worry. His peace comes when I reflect on all that He has done, which in turn ensures my head and heart that He will continue to do so now and in the future.

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