A few years ago my husband came to me with a heavy heart. He was not happy with his job. I don't mean it had been a bad day kind of unhappy. I mean the kind of unhappy where he dreaded heading in, his sleep and health were suffering and his joy had been suppressed. He wanted out.
I knew how hard it was for him to come to me with this. He had a great paying job with good benefits. I had just started to work as a teacher after having had to quit my job to complete student teaching. His paycheck is what pulled us through. We were talking about trying to get pregnant and we had several things on our plate that would make him leaving this particular job difficult.
While I wasn't surprised, I was a little nervous. He proceeded to tell me that he wanted to go into full time firefighting. Becoming a professional firefighter had always been his dream but he did what he was advised upon graduating high school by applying and then working for that particular company. If he had followed his heart, he would have already been in full time fire service.
He said he felt called. Who was I to argue? God had called me out of my previous career to teach. I also knew in my heart that he was meant for this. He lived and breathed firefighting and his passion was to serve others...neither of which he really got to do at his other job. So, we stepped out on faith. He applied for a job through the city, and after several interviews and tests, he got the call that he had been chosen. I have never been so proud.
I was, however, a little anxious. This would mean a lot changes. He would be working 24 hour shifts and depending on the need and demand, he could be working as long as 72 hours at a time. It also meant a HUGE pay cut...as in thousands. It also meant he would be going into blazing buildings while others were running out. He would be willingly putting himself in danger for the sake of another and their possessions. My husband could die doing this.
I prayed about my concerns and in the end I had complete peace about all of it. God had led us to this and He would lead us through this. Of course, when we announced his decision and change of employment I was met with multiple responses:
"He could die! Doesn't that scare you?"
"He's leaving such a good paying job. Is that a smart idea?"
"Many firefighting couples don't make it. The stress is too much on a marriage."
"Won't that be hard when you have kids?"
"I could never do it. I don't like sleeping alone and I wouldn't want my husband gone all the time."
Each question and response were valid. I had played all of those things out in my mind, but I KNEW we were making the right choice. Following God's direction is always right, sometimes hard, but always right. The transitions we faced were sometimes daunting (maybe I'll share about that later) but not for one minute have I regretted our decision.
Sure. He could die in the line of duty, but he could also die in his sleep. He could be in a car wreck or have a heart attack. That's God's call, not mine. I have been blessed in the fact that He works with a true brotherhood. They don't leave their men behind and if he were to die on the job, I know without a doubt that everyone will have done all that they could. I also know he would go doing the job he was called to do.
People have also gotten hung up on our financial sacrifice. God has proven time and time again that He will provide. We rebudgeted and live within our means. We've yet to have a bill paid late or a need that wasn't met.
I cannot sugar coat it. Being the wife of a firefighter is hard. I'm well aware that many marriages don't make it in this line of work. It's stressful and lonely but our marriage is not just about me. It is about us and we work hard to make it work. Do I like sleeping alone? No. Have there been nights I lay awake and worry? Yes. However, when you truly love someone and you truly trust the Lord, you have to put that person's life in His hands and leave him there.
It also definitely poses challenges when it comes to the kids. Being mom and dad to your kids can be really hard. It's important to not vent your frustrations about your single parenting to your children. There are nights I'd pay big money to have him home to help me, but I signed up for this. God gives me enough grace and provision to make it through each day he's gone. Instead of focusing on the time he's gone, I look forward to when he'll be home again. I want my kids to be proud of their daddy. I want him to remain their hero and they can only do that if I set the example.
God has taught me so much through the course of our marriage and this is just an example of how these opportunities can be used to grow our faith if we let it. God continually remains faithful, even when I struggle. The next time you are faced with a big challenge, try to view it as an opportunity to grow some big faith.
