Green beans and Jehoshaphat

"Jumping Jehoshaphat" has taken on a new meaning over the last couple of days. He has been the central character in my daily devotions this weekend and he was a key example in today's Bible Study. While I have no plans of putting his name on our list of names for future babies, I have developed a real reverence for him as a person and not just a phrase of exclamation.

These last few days have centered around reclaiming my joy. Joy comes from an eternal relationship with Christ. The moment you ask Christ into your heart, a seed of joy burrows deep into your soul. It takes root and forms a permanent stronghold in your heart. I was elated at what I discovered as we began our new Bible Study in Sunday School today. It is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

Today, our study began with looking at what is at the root of our fears and sorrows. What are we clinging to so tightly that our hands will not open to accept the grace and overflowing mercy of God? What are we staring at in our past that does not allow us to look ahead to our future? Are we complacent? Are we stagnant? As I began to examine my own heart, I realized that there are some things that I am gripping so tightly that my hands are unable to release and welcome in the presence and healing of God. While I wallow in anxiety and the occasional emotional chaos, I find that I have become comfortable here. While I know it is not healthy, neither from a spiritual or physical sense, I have become so accustomed to these emotions and my sense of being that I have lost focus on my Maker. He has designed a beautiful and perfect plan...but He didn't stop with just the design. No. He continues to bring it to fruition. I became acutely aware of just how much I need to release the ties that bind and open my hands to the blessings of God. I need to raise my hands and catch the grace and mercy that He showers over me in abundance. I need to live a life of thanksgiving, of prayer, and joy.

Our challenge for this week is to begin our One Thousand Gifts list. We'll begin by writing down the first thing we see or think of each morning when we wake. The point is to put our thankfulness in perspective. I can't wait to begin!

Okay. Back to Jehoshaphat...he was faced with a waging war. While this was in the literal sense for him, we all face "wars" of our own, each and every day. Did he shudder in the darkness and silence? No. He thanked God with a grateful heart. He went to God first. He settled his heart on God's promises and Truth.

"If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we wills stand in Your presence before this temple that bears Your Name and will cry out to You in our distress, and you will hear us and save us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

2 Chronicles 20:9 and 12b.  

The last part of this scripture is what resonated with me then and continues even now this evening: our eyes are on You. Time to take off the rose tinted glasses and stare straight into the heavens and seek directly the will and heart of God.

As I prepare to head to bed, my heart and head are reeling with ways in which I can already see and feel God working...

Just for Fun
We introduced G to green beans tonight...while they are far from her favorite at this point, she tolerated them and ate about half of her serving.

Cooking Up (and In) a Storm

My day began at 4:30 this morning. G decided she just could not wait to start the day. My hubby left for work and G and I took solace in the quiet moments of the morning. The rain pattered gently outside and the cool breeze rustled the shades. G's scripture for the day was totally appropriate:

 

"Be still and know that I am God..." Ps. 46:10a



G watching Mommy make baby food

Around 6:00 she went down for a nap. I took advantage of the time and grabbed a shower and some breakfast. She woke up about 7:00 and rocked with me for a while. These moments are always so special. Around 9:00 we left the house to run some errands. I picked up some contrasting fabric for G's peasant dress...I hope to get this done in the next week or so...if you remember a couple posts back, I had this dress listed on my September to-do list. Hopefully I'll be able to post about it soon. We then headed to the grocery store to pick up some fresh produce for G's first experiences with "real" food. I picked up butternut squash (which I do not like but hope she will), a mango, pears, carrots, green beans, bananas, and peas.

Once we got home, I got busy. I was able to get the green beans, mango, and bananas made today. I had peas but I accidentally added to much liquid. Major flop...will try again.

 

 Tonight G had her first taste of bananas...and loved them!

I'll attempt the remaining fruit and veggies later. I love being able to do this for her. I've struggled on and off since I had to stop nursing. I felt very inadequate when my milk supply dried up and I was constantly bombarded with "breast is best" notions and billboards calling nursing moms "Super Moms". While I am completely pro nursing, I just could not do it any more. After 2 months my supply dried up and I had no choice but to go to formula. I don't think G will be any less for not having a "super mom". Fortunately my pediatrician was extremely supportive and hopefully I'll have better luck with our next baby. I'm doing the best with what I have...and I personally think I rock at this baby food thing haha. I've also been reading up on the Baby Led Weaning philosophy/practice. Not sure if I'm all in at the 6 month point but it has its merit. Any thoughts?

Since G had a yummy "dinner" I thought I'd try something new for myself. I opted for Philly Cheese Steak Stuffed Peppers. Yum!!! These will definitely be made again.

I suppose I should head to bed considering G has been waking up earlier than usual over the past few days. Tomorrow will hold wonderful fellowship with our friends and church family and then hopefully and afternoon of rest (and laundry). Have a great weekend!

(My First) Five on Friday

I've been wanting to do this for awhile now...so here I am, linking up with The Good Life and RunningMOMentum for 5 on Friday.

 

 

[one]

bAbiEs

 

Today has been filled with wonderful baby related news. My dear friends of forever gave birth to their first child this morning. August Hope was born just after 1am this morning. Her mother's labor was VERY long and hard but, as always, totally worth it. I also received word that another couple we hold dear to our hearts will be flying to China in just a couple weeks to pick up their new son. He is a darling little boy who will be with his forever family just before he turns 2 this November. What an awesome work the Lord has done!

 

 

[two]

CeREal

 

Our beautiful little girl turned 5 months old yesterday. To celebrate, G had her first bowl of rice cereal! She is definitely our child...no problem with the spoon :)

 

[three]

sKin

 

A week or so ago I discovered a good sized black snake in our basement. I helped him along his way and located his entry point. Tonight, my husband, who was so graciously doing laundry, found a parting gift from our undesirable guest.

 

 

[four]

MaIL

 

G and I received a fabulous surprise in the mail today! My youngest sister sent us a special gift. G got a couple of outfits, one sporting a precious little owl (my favorite!) and a festive Halloween outfit. I was also give an adorable owl themed water bottle. She knows me so well! 

 

 



 

[five]

tOes

 

We are continually in awe of the milestones that seem to come quicker these days. While they are often bittersweet, they are also so much fun. My friend and I frequently discuss these precious stages and we can't nail down just one favorite. Every moment of our children's growth is so precious and while we look forward to what they'll do next, we miss the things they leave behind. Tonight's big event, besides G's number two experience with cereal, was that of her officially finding her toes...I'm not a "feet person" at all and yet I can't help but find this absolutely adorable!

 

 

Well that was fun! Now it's off to bed. With G getting up so early in the mornings, I need to take advantage of a good night's sleep. Besides, she and I have a trip to town tomorrow which could involve some yard sales :) Blessings to you all!



Playing Catch Up

Family Photo

These last few days have been a whirlwind. One day I'll get smart and plan a weekend of "nothing". While I love to travel and visit new places and old friends, it can really wear a person out...especially with a soon to be 5 month old. I had to laugh when my best friend commented on how long it takes for me to get in and out of the car by the time I whip out the stroller, diaper bag and baby. It's no longer just a jump in and out process. The same goes for packing. My hubby and I used to be able to throw a bag together and hit the road. Our trips take MUCH more planning now. I am continually amazed at how a little human, so small and precious, can consume so much time and require so much effort. Despite the additional time it takes to prepare and/or get to our destination, it is always worth it.

G with her daddy

G and Mommy next to the fish exhibit

Our trips, no matter how short, have become a very special time for my husband and I. We love to turn down the radio and hear G talking to herself, or Ellie (her favorite blue elephant). We love to hear her raise her voice when we sing as if she is trying to sing along. We have quite the little social butterfly in our midst and we love every second.

This weekend was a treat. I got to visit with some of my favorite people. I was reminded just how much I miss having friends close by. It was so nice to hang out, eat a meal together, and laugh into the night...granted by 9pm we were all exhausted and ready to go to bed.

 Saturday was wonderful. I got to spend a girls' day with my best friend. I am so grateful that she was willing to travel in from D.C. to hang out with G and I. She knows me just about better than anyone. We're joined by a very blessed bond that only God could have created through the perfect set of circumstances. She is my person. I got to enjoy seeing her morph into her "Aunt LaLa" role. She is the best honorary aunt ever! G is one lucky little lady.

While my time away was nice, we were exhausted upon coming home. Everything was piled into the living room and continues to sit there in partiality. I was running late this evening so that put me home later than planned. G wanted some major snuggle time and I was thrilled to oblige. I can't get enough of that little girl. After dinner I managed to get G to entertain herself in her exersaucer while I put away some clothes and went through some of the bags that made their way into the house. After awhile she was tired of hearing the same tunes played over and over again and made it well known that she was ready to begin her nightly routine.

I spent a few extra minutes just rocking her before getting her bath and bottle ready. We had our play time in the tub, which is becoming more fun as the days go by. She has learned that thrashing her legs and arms will produce some nice splashing. I then got her in her pajamas and read to her before settling in for her last feeding. She peacefully drifted off to sleep. Those few moments before I lay her down to bed are always  my favorite. Her breathing is soft and steady and her little body becomes super cuddly. She makes the most precious little sounds of contentment. I'll miss these days...

I thank God regularly for the blessings that He has bestowed upon us. While we wrestle with the sin of this world, He remains gracious and His provisions are always perfect and timely. I've been reminded lately that I can't get too comfortable and allow my thankfulness to become silent in its offerings. I rejoice in the Lord for all that He has done. I want to make every day count and count every day. I want to remain ever aware and thankful for my blessings while being a blessing to others. Challenge yourself to do the same for His glory.



"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:3

Just for Fun

One of the perks of being a teacher is the literature exposure that I get. While I teach first grade, I have been delighted to find some new authors and book titles that I just adore and continue to make part of both my classroom and nursery library. One of my favorite author/illustrators is David Catrow. His illustrations always make me smile. Some of my recent additions include several of his works.

The Other End of the Line

I don't know what it is about this week but everything has been a bit off kilter and today was eventful in its own way. This morning started off a bit rough and hectic. I then waited eagerly for a call from my husband regarding G's doctor's appointment. She's had a nasty little cold the past couple of days and her coughing became really rough last night and it woke her up at 430a this morning. The doctor of course said it was nothing to be concerned about at this point and to ride it out. This is what I figured but with the way it sounded, I wanted to be certain nothing was settling in her chest. She's remained happy all day. I just can't get enough of this little girl!

While I was happy to get the call reporting a fairly good bill of health, the next call was not one I was expecting. C was on his way home from the doctor with G and ended up in an accident. A couple of guys in a construction truck came over into his lane, hitting the front of our car. They continued to drive on without so much as stopping to check on my family. C was able to get some vital information in order to contact the police department and file a report. I am beyond grateful to God for their safety. I can't imagine what a mess I would be if they had been hurt. So now, at this point, we've got the report filed, our insurance is doing their thing, and our car will be out of commission for a while. It's always something...and yet God's goodness remains through it all.

After grilling in the rain, I got G ready for bath and bed. She is such a little snuggle bunny. I finally made my way into the kitchen to enjoy some dinner. I eventually got a call from my hubby saying he had an emergency call that he had to run with the fire department. It doesn't look like I'll be seeing him today after all.

I got to thinking about how a single phone call can change the course of a day in an instant. With today being the 12th year since the 9/11 attacks, I can't help but think about the phone calls made that day and the life altering conversations that took place. I think of the husbands calling their wives to send them their love. I think of the call into the police and fire stations alerting them of the need for assistance. I cringe at the thought of the calls made in search of loved ones and the calls received about the loss of those that were involved. I pray to God that I never have to receive a call like that.

My husband is a firefighter and there have been a lot of people in passing that ask how I handle him working that type of job. He has long hours and can be gone from home several days at a time. He is the first in and the last out. He will willingly give his life for that of a stranger. He does not fear the unknown...he embraces it and uses it to fuel his drive. I can honestly say that this is his calling and God has placed him in his position for a reason. Back to those who don't know how I do it...especially with a baby...I pray. I give C to the Lord everyday. I know that if he were to die in the line of duty, he would be doing what the Lord has called him to do. He would head to Heaven doing something he loves and has an unwavering passion for. I honestly don't know how people who do not know Christ as their Savior make it through the day. I could not sleep at night if I did not know that the Lord has my husband in His hands.

In our office, my husband has this prayer hanging...I know that it is a prayer that he holds dear to his heart and has meant with each uttered word:

Fireman’s Prayer

When I am called to duty, God
whenever flames may rage,
Give me the strength to save some life
Whatever be its age.

Help me to embrace a little child
Before it’s too late,
Or some older person
from the horror of that fate.

Enable me to be alert
And hear the weakest shout,
And quickly and efficiently
to put the fire out.

I want to fill my calling
and give the best in me,
To guard my neighbor
And protect his property.

And if according to Your will
I have to lose my life,
Please bless with Your protecting hand
My children and my wife

 

As this day comes to a close, hold those you love a little bit closer and love them with a fierceness that they'll feel even away from your presence. Thank you God for making all things work together for good...





A Forgotten Prayer

Whew...what a day! It was definitely a Monday all day long. I was glad to have had put a roast in the crock-pot this morning. It encouraged my sweet hubby to complete the meal before I got home. I was treated to a delicious meal of Italian venison, a baked potato and lima beans. He is a good man. I was also overjoyed to get home with my daughter. She is a pitiful mess right now. Her cold has her suffering from a stuffy, runny nose (I'll never understand why those two things must go hand in hand) and then it appears she is teething. She is a trooper.

After last night's post, I had the blessing of touching base with one of my dearest friends. It feels so good to be transparent with someone you've shared so much with and know your heart is safe.

I used to journal all of the time. It began in middle school and continued well after college. Once I married however, the journaling became very infrequent. While rummaging through a drawer, I found a letter that I had written at some point and tucked away. It was painful to revisit the words and yet they delivered a sense of restoration as I reflected on all that God had done since the writing of those words.

Dear God,

This ache in my heart will not recede. I'm always weepy, sad, and I walk around in such a state of instability. I keep praying for Your will. I just don't understand how my heart and soul could contain such a desire only to have it return void over and over again.

The reminders are everywhere. I've never known such continuous bitterness and heartache. I want to live a life worthy of your calling. I know this is not the case. How can it be with such a heavy heart? I can't explain the ache and although You are slowly revealing my feelings to me, I can't shake the pain. There is such beauty in Your perfection. I can't fathom the full extent of Your goodness.

Please forgive me for allowing my emotions to cloud my view of who You are. Forgive me for the resentment and bitterness I've been holding on to. I'm still unsure how to let go but I know it's necessary. Please help me to reconnect with You, my husband, my friends and myself. Please ease the ache until our time...

...

While this is far from my 7th grade "Dear Diary", I can't help but reconnect with that season of my life. I vividly remember the days of ache and what I can see now as nothing less than borderline depression. I was so sad. My joy was suppressed so far that I'm certain God's light was rarely seen in me. I remember how I struggled to get myself out of bed to go to church. My Sunday School class (that I still hold so dear to my heart) was filled with precious pregnant women...most of which also already had at least one child. Our class discussions always seemed to eventually center around pregnancy and/or babies. I dreaded going. I hated the thought of sitting there and then I would get so mad at myself for allowing my emotions to over rule my fellowship and worship with my God and fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. While I occasionally find myself creeping into some of the dark crevasses of those days, I know that my God is bigger than anything that I have or ever will face.

I am thankful for brighter days. I remember the day when I came to the realization that I can't fix everything and that I can't do this all on my own. I sought professional help and I have come so far. Few people know the depth of my sadness...most only know the surface. I can't thank God enough for my husband and the unconditional love and support that he provided during that time. I remain grateful for my friends that while they may not have fully understood my trials, they prayed with and for me, sent me encouragement along the way, and walked through the shadows with me.

"With joy you will draw water form the wells of salvation." Isaiah 12:3

Just for Fun
On a lighter note, tomorrow is our "food day" at school. Every Tuesday we have grade level meetings and to liven things up, we each bring a little something. I have been dying to try one of my new Pinterest finds: Red Velvet Brownies. The only addition I made to the recipe was to throw in a 1/2c of chocolate chips. They are still cooling so I have yet to sample...I'll keep you posted on how they turn out. If they taste half as good as they look...yum!

(a pic from the original post...mine will be cut into squares and minus the strawberries)

3-0

This morning did not go as planned. G has not been herself these last couple of days. She isn't sleeping as well and has what appears to be a summer cold. The poor little thing has a stuffy, runny nose and the occasional cough. She still smiles mostly but we can tell she does not feel very well. We also believe she may be teething. Everything she can get her hands on goes in her mouth. She is gnawing like crazy! Around the time I needed to get ready for church, G finally fell back to sleep. I could not deny her a much needed nap.

My husband also returned home this weekend from a 48 hour shift on the fire/rescue crew at the Lockin' Music Festival. He was exhausted having only gotten a few short hours of sleep over the course of the last few days. He came home, kissed us both, and headed to bed.

As I rocked my baby and smiled at the thought of my husband being home, I realized I would have to worship the Lord from the spot in which I sat. I turned to my scripture reading for the day and this is what was laid before me:

Psalm 126:1-6 1 When the LORD brought back his exiles to Jerusalem,*   it was like a dream! 2 We were filled with laughter,   and we sang for joy. And the other nations said,   "What amazing things the LORD has done for them." 3 Yes, the LORD has done amazing things for us!   What joy! 4 Restore our fortunes, LORD,   as streams renew the desert. 5 Those who plant in tears   will harvest with shouts of joy. 6 They weep as they go to plant their seed,   but they sing as they return with the harvest.

This scripture just touched my soul. I think back to the times when my heart and soul felt so barren from circumstances beyond my control. I would cry out to God. I would yell. I would shed tears. I would sit in silence...and through it all I would wait. As a Christian, my journey here on Earth is heading toward a beautiful beginning. The joy will be forever. The start of my eternity will have no end.

While I remain here on Earth, I find it easy to sink into the fears and anxiety that I have dealt with for so long. God continues to work on me and through me in an ever progress movement to get me out of the miry clay. With each step forward I can't help but connect with the joyful sentiments found in these verses. What AMAZING things the Lord has done! My heart clings to verse 5 when it says "Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy." This reflects God's promise that He works all things to the good of those who love Him.

What joy!

I also began thinking about all of the things that I wish I would have done and all the things I hope to do. I see so much promise and hope when I look at my little girl. To have a doctor tell you that she has no options left for you and that a specialist will be the next course of action is very disheartening. It becomes even more so when the doctor says that she isn't even sure if the specialist will be able to offer anything else outside of invasive treatments. It was at that moment that I forced my heart, head and soul to remember who was my Great Physician. God had a plan for us and despite what might never be in the eyes and hands of man, there is nothing outside of God's ability. Our little girl is proof of that. His ability to create this precious life in a womb where there once was not one still brings tears to my eyes. He also led us to a new group of doctors familiar with  my condition and in them I have a whole new hope for conceiving future children. I can't explain how loved all of this has made me feel. It was as if God wrapped His arms around me and placed a peace in my heart. So, until we begin the venture of baby #2, I revel in the miraculous beauty that is my daughter.

I consider the obstacles that we may face as I edge closer to 30. The older we get the "higher risk" pregnancy becomes and with my condition, it only adds to the potential upsets. I forced myself to put these things out of my mind and instead focused on making a  list that I have been considering for a while. I have officially created my "30 by 30" list. I currently have 577 days until my 30th birthday. While age is not such a major issue with me, there are many things that I'd like to do. I'm already considering things I'd like to do for my "40 by 40" list. While my goal is to accomplish each one of these things, half the fun will be the attempt.

30 By 30

1. Host a Brunch Party

2. Begin (and finish?) building our “forever” home

3. Hike to a waterfall

4. Lose 30 pounds

5. Make G a big sister

6. Take a family trip to Washington D.C.

7. Make a pair of shoes

8. Visit a lighthouse

9. Go to the South Carolina Aquarium

10. Take a family trip to the North Carolina Zoo

11. Make a pecan pie

12. Send a card to a stranger

13. Make a photo book of G’s first year

14. Take a cooking class

15. Make homemade truffles

16. Plant a tree

17. Serve at a soup kitchen

18. Make a holiday wreath

19. Teach a kids’ cooking class

20. Take a girls’ trip with my mom, daughter and sisters

21. Learn to crochet

22. Take a carriage ride

23. Make real homemade alfredo sauce

24. Make homemade ravioli

26. Pay for a stranger’s meal

27. Learn to French Braid

28. Be in a parade

29. Read 100 books with/to my daughter

30. Buy new living room furniture

Take a moment to reflect on what you'd like to accomplish whether you'll be 30 or 80. What would you put on your list?