My husband also returned home this weekend from a 48 hour shift on the fire/rescue crew at the Lockin' Music Festival. He was exhausted having only gotten a few short hours of sleep over the course of the last few days. He came home, kissed us both, and headed to bed.
As I rocked my baby and smiled at the thought of my husband being home, I realized I would have to worship the Lord from the spot in which I sat. I turned to my scripture reading for the day and this is what was laid before me:
Psalm 126:1-6
1 When the LORD brought back his exiles to Jerusalem,* it was like a dream! 2 We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the other nations said, "What amazing things the LORD has done for them." 3 Yes, the LORD has done amazing things for us! What joy! 4 Restore our fortunes, LORD, as streams renew the desert. 5 Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. 6 They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest. | |
This scripture just touched my soul. I think back to the times when my heart and soul felt so barren from circumstances beyond my control. I would cry out to God. I would yell. I would shed tears. I would sit in silence...and through it all I would wait. As a Christian, my journey here on Earth is heading toward a beautiful beginning. The joy will be forever. The start of my eternity will have no end.
While I remain here on Earth, I find it easy to sink into the fears and anxiety that I have dealt with for so long. God continues to work on me and through me in an ever progress movement to get me out of the miry clay. With each step forward I can't help but connect with the joyful sentiments found in these verses. What AMAZING things the Lord has done! My heart clings to verse 5 when it says "Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy." This reflects God's promise that He works all things to the good of those who love Him.
What joy!
I also began thinking about all of the things that I wish I would have done and all the things I hope to do. I see so much promise and hope when I look at my little girl. To have a doctor tell you that she has no options left for you and that a specialist will be the next course of action is very disheartening. It becomes even more so when the doctor says that she isn't even sure if the specialist will be able to offer anything else outside of invasive treatments. It was at that moment that I forced my heart, head and soul to remember who was my Great Physician. God had a plan for us and despite what might never be in the eyes and hands of man, there is nothing outside of God's ability. Our little girl is proof of that. His ability to create this precious life in a womb where there once was not one still brings tears to my eyes. He also led us to a new group of doctors familiar with my condition and in them I have a whole new hope for conceiving future children. I can't explain how loved all of this has made me feel. It was as if God wrapped His arms around me and placed a peace in my heart. So, until we begin the venture of baby #2, I revel in the miraculous beauty that is my daughter.
I consider the obstacles that we may face as I edge closer to 30. The older we get the "higher risk" pregnancy becomes and with my condition, it only adds to the potential upsets. I forced myself to put these things out of my mind and instead focused on making a list that I have been considering for a while. I have officially created my "30 by 30" list. I currently have 577 days until my 30th birthday. While age is not such a major issue with me, there are many things that I'd like to do. I'm already considering things I'd like to do for my "40 by 40" list. While my goal is to accomplish each one of these things, half the fun will be the attempt.
30 By 30
1. Host a Brunch Party
2. Begin (and finish?) building our “forever” home
4. Lose 30 pounds
5. Make G a big sister
6. Take a family trip to Washington D.C.
7. Make a pair of shoes
8. Visit a lighthouse
9. Go to the South Carolina Aquarium
14. Take a cooking class
16. Plant a tree
17. Serve at a soup kitchen
18. Make a holiday wreath
19. Teach a kids’ cooking class
20. Take a girls’ trip with my mom, daughter and sisters
21. Learn to crochet
24. Make homemade ravioli
26. Pay for a stranger’s meal
27. Learn to French Braid
29. Read 100 books with/to my daughter
Take a moment to reflect on what you'd like to accomplish whether you'll be 30 or 80. What would you put on your list?
That particular verse you read this morning (verse 5, specifically) is one of my most-influential as well, and not a day goes by without me thinking about it - almost every time I look at E. I also revisited it this morning in Sunday School as we were talking about how God uses "pivotal circumstances" as one of 5 ways to grow our faith. It was this exact verse that led me and Phillip to quietly pray for another baby even in the midst of our heaviest of grief over losing our first baby, knowing that out of the most-trying period of our grief could still come joy, and we didn't have to wait until we were "happy" again to think about a baby. That's why I couldn't talk about it with anyone, especially when people asked - and they did, all the time, and it hurt every.single.time. I felt like people would not be able to understand what I heard when I read this verse day after day. After coming across this verse during a Women's Bible Study on Ruth, I knew God was speaking to me, and I'm glad that it has also brought your family comfort!
ReplyDeleteI consider this just one more way the Lord has bound our friendship<3
DeleteI continue to struggle in the same area you have been through. After losing our Gabriel, and month after month after month of no positive tests (except for one - and then it was considered to be another miscarriage). I have been more than discouraged. I am so tired...emotionally and physically. It's hard for me to see good things that others get, when those things are what I have wanted for so long. This journey is so stinkin' hard, and I have cried, I have sweat, I have been very diligent, and I have given it over to God. But the discouragement I felt this weekend when I didn't get the positive test that I had been praying for and even thought I was going to have...that was hard. So plans can be made...I had plans, but I am realizing that God doesn't always go through my plans and do what I want. I am learning that ultimately - if He doesn't want it to happen, it isn't going to happen. Or if I have a plan for this or that, He may do it, but the timing isn't necessarily going to be the same. As we grow up, I think we have to learn to let those plans go and just give them over.
ReplyDeleteIt's never easy Sarah. God will reward your faithfulness. I've learned through my experience and that of others that He will bless us, as you said, in His time and in His way...and that way may not be anything like we expected. I have a friend who, along with her husband, prayed for a baby for a long time. She was pretty told to count out ever getting pregnant. They knew God was then calling them to adopt. After months of fundraising they finally reached their $25000 goal...and she discovered that she was pregnant! It was the LAST thing she expected and had no idea that God would work things out that way. They will still adopt at some point but well can clearly see how God is blessing their continued faithfulness.
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