Regardless if you go through premarital counseling or not, there are a few topics that every couple should discuss in detail prior to tying the knot. I'll be honest, some of these are not easy and some can become down right uncomfortable, but remember, it's necessary. Even if you don't have all the answers at the time, you will have at least had the conversation. Here are a few items that both my husband and I saw as important and helpful to discuss prior to getting married.
1. Finances. Yuck. Money can be the root of some serious problems in your marriage if not discussed ahead of time. Decide if you'll keep separate accounts, joint accounts etc. Discuss having both names being placed on separate accounts if you choose to go that route. In the event of an emergency you want your spouse to have access to the funds. Discuss a budget and how bills will be paid. Of course there are oodles of other related items but these are some of the high spots.
2. Children. This is a big one. Knowing that I wanted a large family predetermined the type of response I would need from my future spouse. Fortunately the Lord blessed me with a man who not only loves children but would like a good sized family as well. Children are not necessarily for everyone. If you long to have kids but your future spouse is adamant about not wanting children, you need to consider how that will impact your marriage...and it will. The number of kids isn't necessarily important. You'll figure that out as you go.
3. Discipline. If you plan on having children or will be bringing kids into the marriage, discuss how you both view discipline. My husband and I have similar views on discipline but due to certain things in my past and related experiences, my views slightly differ. We decided on a plan that appears to be working for us thus far.
4. Holidays. Combining two families with their own traditions on top of trying to start your own can be a major juggling act...especially if you've never considered how you'd make it work. I've learned that while you want to remain respectful and considerate, you can't let the dream traditions you have for you own little family be cast aside. Compromise is going to be huge with this one. Don't be surprised if feelings are hurt at first. Life will go on. Also note that while yes, you can adjust as the years go on, do remember your first round of holidays after marriage begin to set the expectations for later gatherings...just saying.
5. Personal Expectations. Talk about what you wish for your marriage. There may be things you don't see eye to eye on and it will be important to know what these things are. Be realistic in your expectations for your marriage and of the other person. Also talk about dreams that you have. This can be a particularly fun conversation. My husband and I never tire of talking about hopes and dreams we have for our family.
I hope you'll consider having these conversations. Marriage is meant to be forever. Handle it with care.
5. Personal Expectations. Talk about what you wish for your marriage. There may be things you don't see eye to eye on and it will be important to know what these things are. Be realistic in your expectations for your marriage and of the other person. Also talk about dreams that you have. This can be a particularly fun conversation. My husband and I never tire of talking about hopes and dreams we have for our family.
I hope you'll consider having these conversations. Marriage is meant to be forever. Handle it with care.
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