Accept the Unexpected

It’s never easy to accept or admit moments of weakness. I think we as Christian women often hold ourselves to higher than necessary expectations. We all feel we must “do it all”. I am a planner and when my plans fail, I feel that failure as a mighty sting.

One of my biggest frustrations as of late is the whole house issue. We bought land last September and our dreams of building our new home seem so close and yet so far away. We initially had the plan to place our house for sale at the beginning of April. Prior to that time, I was diagnosed with placenta previa and this limited my ability to do various things around the house. There is painting, sanding, packing, etc. and I can only do so much. You add this to our work schedules and third trimester pregnancy and well…progress has slowed greatly.

We also had plans to move our boxed items to the place we hoped to stay during the time our house is being built. This also recently fell through.  It’s no longer available. Now we’re trying to figure out what to do next…

Plans. Good in theory it seems.

I’ve had a hard time trying to get excited about redoing our daughter’s room into a gender friendly toddler room/nursery. I’ve dealt with so much guilt over this because I was so pumped to complete our daughter’s nursery prior to her birth. There are days when I just don’t know where to begin, what to let go, and when to ask for help.

As always, despite my feelings and circumstances, God is working. He has recently been pushing through this muck that I feel so stuck in and He is helping me work my way into clear waters of redemption. Here is what He’s helping me see thus far…

-It’s not just my circumstances that He is working on. I know that the Lord is doing great things in our lives, but it’s not just my life that he is orchestrating. I’ve been thinking of reasons why the house timing keeps getting postponed. I believe God is helping our current home’s future owners become prepared for our home’s sale. I believe He is allowing more time for us to get done what we need to get done. I believe He has another option for us when it comes to where we’ll live during our building process (FYI-we can’t just rent anywhere because we have 4 dogs and 2 cats.)

-I need to be present now. Our little girl just turned 2 and the fact that these last two years have gone by so quickly makes me realize the importance of truly living in the moment. I’ll never get these days back. With that in mind, it’s also important that I continue to savor the months of my pregnancy. The reality of our infertility issues has meant that both of our children are unlikely blessings. The Lord has proven that He is bigger than these circumstances and has graced our lives with a beautiful little girl and come this summer, we’ll have a darling little boy. The stress that I’ve had over trying to get the house together and my guilt over the nursery has taken a turn. I don’t feel as pressured to put a “For Sale” sign in our yard (although I eagerly await the day) and I’m beginning to enjoy the nursery re-do. I’ve actually determined a theme and color scheme.

-He will always provide. The month of April has hit our budget in some hard, unexpected ways. I’ve not had a month this tight in a very long time. It began with me missing an email from my student loan company indicating that my graduated loan repayment was going up…$300+ more. That was a heart stopper when I checked my account. Then, about a week and a half later our German Shepherd came down with his seasonal skin condition. His skin develops a type of yeast infection at least twice a year when the seasons change. There is nothing we can do to prevent it. We just know that we’ll have to take him to the vet, have him checked out and then give him medication for a couple of weeks. However, to add to this, our sweet Maggie dog was unexplainably injured (we still don’t know for sure how it happened) and her vet visit resulted in sedation, stitches and antibiotics. Crazy. By the end of these two weeks we were out about $1000. While the amount is still hard to stomach and my bank account has not looked this sad in quite a while, the Lord has provided. I was still able to plan and throw our daughter an adorable 2^nd birthday, as well as make our ends meet this month. I could not have done it without the Lord’s provision and long-term planning (just one more reason why savings are so important!)

-I am enough. I still struggle with this. I have felt like such an epic failure lately and my frustration level has been maxed. I want to be the best mom to my kid, the best wife to my husband, the best teacher/employee and the best friend that anyone could have…but there is a reality. I can never be the best. I can only do my best and this is where God’s grace has really been evident. He is giving me grace in the moments of my inadequacy. He has made me enough to be all of these things and all that is expected is for me to be the best of these that I can be. I am learning how to not hold myself to others’ standards and I’m learning to accept the unexpected.

If you find yourself dealing with similar feelings, join me in hanging up preconceived ideas. Cling to God’s goodness and accept His grace. Treasure the moments of the here and now. Embrace the things we can’t control as stepping stones to something greater. There is a time for all things and His plan will always be better than our own.

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