If I'm Honest

It could be worse. 

I've reminded myself of that countless times over the last few weeks. It's been necessary to keep perspective because I am a fixer and when things are broken or out of line that I can't fix...well, the struggle is real. I've been trying to give God what is His because He promises to bear the burden. He willingly accepts the load to show me His strength and grace. It seems silly to cling tightly to those things that would be better left in His hands.

If I'm honest, which tends to be almost a fault embedded in my personality, I would have to admit that I am overwhelmed simply because I do not leave things in His hands.

I have a short list of dreams that are just out of reach. I struggle with comparison as those move ahead with "my dreams" as I continue to wait. I struggle to understand how we can work so hard and follow the course laid before us, only to have those around us basically handed what we've hoped for and have yet to obtain.

Perspective. 

The truth is, it really could be worse. The past few days of sickness and uselessness are now almost behind me. My husband now going through the same is sad, but we know how to treat and recover. My son's appointment with the specialist is on the horizon and I am grateful for the peace God has given during this wait. The home we dream of building lies in wait on paper as, prayerfully, God prepares a home buyer for our current house.

I have to trust His process.

So, in being honest,  I am a muddled mess. I battle insecurities, jealousy, frustration and every other human emotion...and often without much grace. Fortunately, I am held together by the hands of a gracious God. I am stitched together and fashioned for a life that was only designed for me. I am part of a bigger, Kingdom centered purpose.

I am part of His purpose and that need be enough.

This song has been such an encouragement.