Time Trials

So today's theme has been all "time" related. It began with my alarm not going off. I woke up 30 minutes late thanks to my internal clock. My phone was plugged in, or so I thought...apparently it only had the appearance and instead of charging, the battery life was depleted and my phone died. Thankfully, I did wake up. I rushed through a shower knowing that I only had about 30 minutes before G would be waking up. I was dressed and had my hair done by the time she woke up. I fed her and enjoyed what was left of my morning with her. We got to the babysitter and I was out the door on my way to school. I managed to get my makeup on and felt a little bit better as the calm of my empty classroom took hold. This, too, was all too short. Our bell system is broken so somewhere around 8:45a the students started pouring in.

We are attempting a new schedule this year. I love how it looks on paper and so far it is working pretty well. With the exception of forgetting recess on the first day, I'd say the new routine has been pretty successful. The hours passed on and before I knew it,  my students were gone and remnants of the day stared back at me...cracker crumbs here, broken crayons there, lead-less pencils in the "sharpened basket" and a mound of papers to be filed...I texted my hubby and asked that he pick up the baby this afternoon. About an hour later, my room was much better off and I could see my desk calendar.

After stopping by the store, I got home in time to make a late dinner. My hubby had the grill going so I could throw on the bratwursts. I was feeling good. The meat was on the grill, the macaroni noodles were boiling away and my baby was sitting pretty with her daddy. I could not help but spend some precious moments talking with her and doing whatever it took to make her smile.

What seemed like seconds later (but was really MUCH longer) my husband reminded me about dinner. By this time I had the baby so he went to pull the links off the grill and finish the macaroni and cheese. Moments later he came into the living room with a look of defeat. I had let the bratwursts burn and the noodles were without water...I have not messed up a meal like this in...well...gosh...I can't remember when. I take so much pride in even the simplest of meals. It quickly became evident that my hormones are still on the fritz. I started to cry with the feelings of defeat and exhaustion. I have been running full force this week and it was at that moment that it all hit. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!

I'm also dealing with the fact that my baby girl will be 4 months old on Monday. While rocking her to sleep tonight, I kept going back to the day of her birth. While my time in the delivery room was quick and not typical of a first time mom, the moments are burned in my memory. I can still see the exact moment when they placed that beautiful baby girl on my chest. I remember my thoughts ("It's over! I'm a mom! Oh my word, she looks just like her dad!). I had 4 hours of "active labor" although I would only consider the last hour to be truly active. I pushed for about 7 minutes and at 1:33a the next morning, our lives were changed forever.

I think of the extra days in the hospital. I think of the every hour and half feedings for the first 3 weeks. I think of the 2 months I was able to nurse before my supply depleted (thanks to my PCOS). I think of the  3 1/2 months I was blessed to be able to stay home with her. I think of the precious hours I miss with her while I am working to help support our family. I think of the priceless, quiet hours of the morning and evening that I get to spend with her. I am in awe of the fact that our baby girl has been in our lives for 13 months and in our arms for almost 4 of those.

My heart is often heavy these days as I glance at her picture every chance I get, but my soul rejoices in every memory that I am able to share with her. I thank God for her throughout the day. I've never prayed for someone the way I pray for our child. There is something about the bond between a mother and her child that only the Lord can understand.

Time changes things...we are forever being altered by circumstances, both big and small, joyous and heartbreaking. I think the most comforting thing about the changes that time brings is the fact that God remains constant and present through them all. He never changes. He is forever present and forever working all things for the good of those who love Him.

"And we  know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

 

Romans 8:28

 

Just for Fun

Here is a picture of the sign given to us by my best friend for G's room. This has been a verse held close to both of us and represents various times in our friendship and in our lives. I treasure what this verse means for me and for my daughter's future.

 

 

We also have a life verse for G. We plan to have one to dedicate to each of our children. Here is the one that came to our hearts for our first born.

 

"For this child I have prayed and the Lord has given me the desire of my heart."

1 Samuel 1:27