Making Plans...

Where to start...this past week has been a whirlwind and I'm just now starting to settle down. There is just something about spending time with my church family that helps put things back in perspective. C has been pulling a 48 hour shift, so this weekend has been just us girls. It's as if G knows it is the weekend and she feels entitled to have me all to herself. It can be almost impossible sometimes. I'm glad to say she is getting better...we are both getting better...about finding ways for me to get things done around here.

Yesterday, during a rare three hour nap (granted she had to sleep in the recliner with mommy), I went Pinterest happy and found a lot of things I'd like to attempt, whether it be cooking, baking, sewing, etc. I also started a board called The Home We'll Grow Old In. This board is filled with ideas for our future home. C and I have always had a dream to build. Several of our friends are finding joy among the frustration of building and/or moving into what will be their "grow old" homes. C and I have been looking at land in the area and we have narrowed our choices of floor plans down to a couple. We are just so ready to get settled. We are also aiming to find out all we'll need to know and have a plan in place by the first of the year. It is our hope (and dream) to be able to start moving forward with this major project sometime in the Spring. We continue to pray for God's wisdom and provision in this process. Our other concern of course is the matter of selling our current home. We live at the base of the Blue Ridge mountains. While the view is gorgeous, we are a good distance from the nearest Walmart...which deters a lot of people. We just pray that the right people will be ready at the right time for all of this to fall together. We are trying to come up with a back up plan in case our house sells faster than expected. We are also trying to figure out what we would do if our home takes longer to sell than we hope. We cannot pull two mortgages. I welcome any insight on building a home and what to do with our current home during this process.

May 2011 with my mom. This is just one of the views from our house. This is also a time in
my weight journey that I was really happy with how I looked and I felt so good!

We've also been working on a "will" in the event that C and I should be called home before our child(ren) reaches adulthood. While this is an extremely depressing and morbid matter, it has to be addressed. I was given good advice by a friend of mine to put qualities and must haves on a list. Take the list and begin making note of which people (whom you are pretty certain would be okay with being asked to care for your child) have what on your list. This will help narrow down your selection. This has not been easy. We know that feelings will probably be hurt by the end of this but we need to do what we feel will ultimately be best for our daughter. Some of the most important things included on our list are:

-Christians with an active love for and dedication to the Lord
-Active in their church
-Financially sound (this does not mean rich. This means they know how to handle their money and the provisions that the Lord provides.)
-Similar views on discipline
-Similar views on education
-Willing to keep a connection with all of our child(ren)'s family
-Knows and loves our child(ren)
-Has a strong family support system
-Will forever remind our child(ren) of the crazy amount of love we had for him/her

There are additional items on our list but this provides a good representation of things that we want for our child(ren) in the event that we are no longer here to provide care. We continue to pray that our final selection will be open to providing this for our child and are willing to accept the responsibility.

Now that I've about made myself cry again, we'll move on. As many of you know, I have been trying to find a balance that will allow me to get off these last few baby pounds and then hopefully a few more. This past week was super challenging and I did not put forth much of an effort. I was just emotionally and physically exhausted. My best friend reminded me that there is always hope for tomorrow and I can do this. No matter how many steps I take back, I can still move forward. I HAVE to move forward. I am so unhappy with myself and I know this bleeds into other areas of my life. It's hard to love myself where I am when I can't fit in my clothes the way I used to and I feel, frankly disgusted, when I look in the mirror. I know this goes against all that God wants for me. I am not focusing on the creation that He has made me to be. I feel guilty for not caring for myself and ensuring that His temple is well tended to. This also has to change. He has made me to do great things and when I focus on the negative things (that I can change but don't) my joy is suppressed...as is my witness and worship. I'm so thankful for a God who is faithful when my faith wanes. I am thankful for a God who loves me even when I'm truly unlovable. I am thankful for a God who has all things but still wants me. I've got some proactive things going on this week and I'm hoping to begin making the changes that need to occur. While I know this won't be easy, I know I can do it. I've got God, my amazing husband, and "my person" (along with many others) on my side, encouraging me along the way. This journey is not the one I want to be on, but I can't get somewhere else if I don't get going.

Speaking of, I suppose I should be productive while G is sleeping...enjoy the rest of this blessed day.

Just for Fun

I have this quote posted at school and thought it only appropriate to post it as a bit of continued encouragement...