Learning to Lean-Mid Year Update

At the beginning of the year, I felt led to live the word "Lean" throughout the following months. It has been hard.

I've tried to embrace the scripture when difficulties arise, when the darkness seems to swallow the light...I've had a lot of anxiety lately. It's the kind that keeps your mind spinning at night. Worst case scenarios pop into your head and you cannot close your eyes because you know you'll see your deepest fears played out. What is harder still is talking to others about it. Maybe I am not as strong as everyone thinks I am.

I have grappled with grief in unexpected moments. It seems to hit the hardest when I realize how happy I am. It sounds strange but it seems like that is how survivor guilt works.

I've wrestled with anxiety and lost countless hours of sleep. I have allowed thoughts to bring on near panic attacks. I have physically felt the strain that my emotions have put on my body.

During some recent quiet reflection, I just kept saying, "enough is enough. I cannot keep living life like this." At that moment I realized what I had been neglecting to do. I had forgotten to lean. If you go back to the action words I just mentioned...

spinning

grappled

wrestled

lost

Do you see "lean" on that list? Me neither.

I am not meant to carry the weight of these burdens. I am not meant to live a fear filled, anxiety ridden life.

In fact, scripture clearly states the opposite:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it in all its fullness. John 10:10

We are designed and intended to live a full and abundantly blessed life.

Satan does not call me by name. He calls me by my insecurities. He calls me by my fears and anxieties. He calls me by all the things that I cannot control. When I stop and just listen...be still and sincerely listen, I hear my name. I hear Beloved. I hear "you are Mine." (Isaiah 43:1)

When I am not leaning on God and only rely on my [in]ability to understand the emotions within me and the world around me, I find myself on an overwhelming obstacle course. However, when I lean on Christ, my path is made straight. I may not know why or where I am going, but I can rest assured He has laid the road before me.

I will continue to learn what it means to lean into my Savior. I will call His name to bring forth light in the darkness. I will declare His name to the enemy that aims to riddle my thoughts with fears and shortcomings. I will continue on.

I want to leave you with this song by Hillsong United that has left an impression on my heart. Let the words seep in and wash away the lies you have been believing. He has carried you all this way. Lean into His embrace.

Fate
Holds nothing on the providence I know
No longer bound to things of wood and stone
When all I had to offer was my worst
You saw my heavy heart and loved me first
Your beauty staring down my brokenness
You chose to throw Your heart into the mess
Compassion crashing down upon my debt You were there

All this time
Like a river running through my failure
You carried me all this time
Like the splinters buried in
Your shoulders You carry me now

Royally Waiting Link up #22

I've been taking some time to enjoy my family this summer. The days have been going by so quickly that I have not had time to sit and blog lately. While it is something I enjoy, time with my ever growing little ones takes precedent. With that said, I'm back again for this week's link up!

Revising...

My hubby has officially gone back to school. He will be getting his BAS in Emergency Management. He'll be taking one course at a time since he is still working full time. His course this semester is an English Research class. As the lover of English and literature, I am his acting editor. A couple times a week you'll find me using the children's nap time to proof read his papers. I am so proud of him for taking this step!

Seeking...

I have been seeking guidance on a couple of ventures lately. Hopefully I'll have more to share soon!

Dreaming...

We meet with our builder this week to begin the process of picking out all the details of our house. We'll decide on counter tops, fixtures, exterior colors, etc. The list is a mile long but I cannot wait! This puts us one step closer to breaking ground. Here are a few items and or pictures of inspiration.

The dining room chandelier

::via::

Pendant island lighting

::via::

A likely choice for our entertainment center

::via::

I'm swooning over this clock

::via::

Eating...

Low carb eating can have its challenges, especially when it comes to sweets. I have no intention of giving up my sweets, but I do try to make intentional choices. Halo Top ice cream fits the bill and while I've only tried the Peanut Butter Cup, I am sold. Bring on the flavors!

I hope this finds all of you well and I can't wait to see what you've been up to.

The Kids Behind the Blog: July 2017

June flew by! I feel as though I blinked and our summer is half way over! I'm trying to soak in every spare second with my littles. Hopefully July will be slower in passing. However, with July in full swing, it's time for the Kids Behind the Blog link up. Join the fun!

What do you need to make s’mores? 

-marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers

What is your favorite summertime treat? 

-chocolate cookies

Would you rather fly in an airplane or ride on a ship? 

-Ride on an airplane because I did not ride on one before.

How would you change the world if you could? 

-Be a happy person to everyone.

What comes after summer?

-Winter-fall...?

Needless to say, we've made a few s'mores over the summer lol. I'm not sure where the "chocolate cookies" answer came from because all summer she has asked for ice cream or popsicles. We also apparently need to work on our seasonal transitions.

I cannot wait to see what everyone else's little ones had to say.

Book Reviews: June 2017

Ah, summertime. Here are a few books I've been able to get through this month.

These reviews are my personal opinions and I have not been compensated in any way for sharing my thoughts.

Home Landscaping Southeast Region by Roger Holmes and Rita Buchanan

As we prepare for our new house to be built, I'm constantly looking for landscaping ideas. I am far from having a green thumb, but I plan on giving it my best shot. This book had great visuals and is very "how to" friendly. It also recommended plant groupings/pairings that would be appropriate for our region.

Joshua: A Parable for Today by Joseph F. Girzone

This story was beautifully written. As the story opens, I was immediately drawn towards the main character and I eagerly read through the pages to know him more. The outlook on faith and religion is pretty on point from my personal view and I loved how the overall message was that God is love.

The One and Only by Emily Giffin

Giffin has a new reader. I could not put her book down, and thanks to my hubby managing the kids, I was able to read through most of the book in a day. Yay for "me time"! The story combines a little romance and football...two of my favorite things. I was so caught up in the details that I was sad when the story ended.

Room by Emma Donoghue

I was captivated from the very beginning. This novel shares the story of a young woman and her son who have been forced to live their lives inside a small room. It goes through their journey, both inside and outside of that room. I was engrossed throughout the entire book.

Where We Belong by Emily Giffin

Yep, another Giffin book. I can't help myself! This story takes an interesting turn as the main characters big secret is revealed. I wish the story had a slightly different ending, but that is the hopeless romantic in me. Overall, it was a great read.

Jacob and Lily

This is the second book in this series, however, I did not realize that until I was well into reading the story about two young teens trying to navigate their way through high school. Most people would consider this story Young Adult Fiction, but due to some of the explicit scenes and verbiage, it was cataloged under adult at our library. I did enjoy the book. It was a quick read and I look forward to reading more of Layne's work.

Linking up for WWRW

Royally Waiting Link up #19

Link-up!

Practicing...

Last week and this week we've been taking the kids for swimming lessons Monday-Thursday. They have great instructors and the kids really enjoy it.

Eating...

I've been eating low carb and I'm feeling really good! The tired and sluggish feelings are dissipating as I continue on. Thursday will be 2 weeks on without any major emotional binges.

::via::

Enjoying...

I'm not a typical lover of hot weather and the heat has been vicious. We've had a couple recent days of tolerable, dare I say nice, weather and we've been soaking it up.

Quick fixing...

Some mornings are chaotic and I've been trying to keep the healthy jive going for my kids as well. I've never been one to watch gluten, but since I've been lowering it in my own diet, I'm doing the same for my kids. These muffins are a great quick breakfast fix for the kids.

I'll have things that are more exciting next week. Until then, I hope all is well with everyone!

Royally Waiting Link Up #18

I'm ashamed to say that it has been quite some time since I've joined the Royally Waiting Link-up. Life just gets so busy, and while I am not blogging consistently these days, I find that I become even more infrequent during these super busy seasons. It's good to be back.

Enjoying...

School is out for the summer! Praise Jesus! It has been a long and difficult school year and I am so grateful for the break. It allows me to spend a little extra time with my littles as well as catch up on big things around the house...such as the spring cleaning I never got around to. We've been enjoying a lot of activities so far and the memories we are making are precious.

Planning...

My son's 2nd birthday is in about 2 weeks (queue the waterworks.) Just yesterday I was throwing together his 1st birthday. How is it that another year has gone by so quickly! We'll be having the party at our current (rental) house and space is a bit limited so we'll be primarily hosting outside. Prayers for good weather are appreciated.

His first birthday!

Reading...

I'm super late to the Emily Giffin game, but better late than never. I just read my first book by her and I am smitten! I love the way she writes and weaves such emotion into her characters. I just picked up another book by her at the library and I can't wait to begin!

I just finished this book...so good! You can read my review next month. (For past book reviews, go here.)

Getting back to...

I'm getting back to my low carb way of eating and I am adding in exercise. This time last year I was almost 25lbs down and feeling so good! October's accident really put me in a downward spiral and I've been feeling pretty miserable and my self-esteem is no where near where it should be. I'm out to change this. I am making goals and a plan and prayerfully I'll see good things happening. I hope to be posting about this more in detail soon.

::via::

Making progress on...

We've got some exciting things coming up in regards to our new house. My husband and father-in-law cleared the area where we'll be building. The loan company is supposed to be coming out by the end of this week or sometime next week to complete the assessment. Hopefully that goes well and then the paperwork will be sent to the underwriters. We're in a distinct period of waiting right now, but I know that good things are coming. God has blessed every part of this journey so far and I expect nothing less as it all comes together. My hope is to be in before Christmas...fingers crossed!

The Kids Behind the Blog: June 2017

Hello June! Hello Summer! It's been far too long. It has also been a long time since I shared with The Kids Behind the Blog link-up. Here are the questions for June...

Do parents get a summer break?

-Yes, because they go see animals at the zoo in the summer.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

-A princess name...Elsa Camille 

How much do you grow in the summer time?

-18, 19, 20...

Would you rather go to the beach or Disney World? 

-Disney World. That's where I want you to take me.

What is your favorite kind of ice cream? Least favorite?

-Vanilla with sprinkles.

-I don't like green ice cream with leaves. It's disgusting. (Come to find out this is mint flavored ice cream lol.)