My dearest Tink,
I sit next to you as you paint a picture. Blues, purples and greens fill the page. So beautiful. So innocent. As your mother, I want to shield you from pain and fear. If I could maneuver the world for you, I would. I would fight every battle and guard your heart. I would do all of this and more.
However, it is my responsibility to raise you in a manner that prepares you for the uncertainties that you will face. I will not always be able to be there and I need to help you gain skills and confidence to fight your own battles. I am charged with raising you to be a contributing citizen of society and above all, I am to teach you and show you what it means to have a heart for Jesus in hope that one day, you too, will know Him as your Savior.
I want you to know my darling, that you were wanted and loved long before we knew you. We prayed constantly for your existence. We battled infertility and through Christ, victory was ours. He gave us you!
Infertility is a diagnosis that I pray you never experience. I was never told about it. The fact that having children one day would be difficult was never expressed to me. That is why, my beautiful girl, I am sharing this with you. I do not want you blindsided. I do not want you to fear the unknown. I want you to embrace your journey, no matter what it brings. I know at your mere 4 years old, the idea of becoming a mom does not go beyond dressing up your dolls, but one day it will. One day you may desire to be a mother and I want you to not be afraid or overwhelmed if things do not go as planned.
The greatest lesson I have learned through our journey to you is that God is good, no matter what. No matter the ache, the amount of medication or bloodwork, no matter the number of empty ultrasounds...God is good. He has a plan for you my sweet child. He has an amazing and abundant life laid out before you. Does that mean it will be blissful always? Most certainly not. The Bible tells us so, but it also tells us that He goes before us and prepares our way.
No matter what may lie ahead of you, I want you to know these things:
-You are a precious jewel. God has created you and prepared a journey for you that He knows you can handle with Him by your side.
-You are loved. There may be moments that your heartbreak is so fierce and the ache is so strong that you feel unlovable or unloved. Rebuke these lies.
-Your trials have purpose. I struggled to accept this in our wait for you. I did not want to believe that I "had" to go through this. I did not want to go through it. I simply wanted you. God grew me and your daddy through our battle with infertility. He changed our hearts and opened our eyes. We came out better for having gone through the pain.
-You are never alone. You will always have me and your daddy. Above all, you have a big and mighty God in your corner.
My beautiful little darling...I want you to know that no matter what circumstances you may face, whether infertility or something else, those circumstances do not define you. Who you are in Christ is how you are defined, and in His eyes (and ours) that is nothing short of amazing.
I rebuke the throws of infertility in your life. I claim health and wholeness. I speak prosperity and wellness in the name of Jesus. I claim goodness in your life my sweet girl.
You will forever be my always.
With all my love,
Mommy
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