My heart has been shedding its winter coat and warming up to the true and perfect love of Jesus. As a little girl I took Him at His word. I never questioned life and its trials. I simply lived knowing that God was BIG and had everything under control. As I grew older, my childlike faith began to wane and my "adult brain" began to question the things around me. How could a BIG, LOVING God allow so much heartache? How could He be working all things for good when my heart breaks? How is it possible that He could love someone so completely imperfect as me?
The Truth lies in His complete and perfect love.
We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. 1 John 3:16
As an imperfect people, wading through this world of sin, it's understandable how we can't fully grasp the extent to which God loves us. We've never known perfection. We've never known unconditional love...and yet, this is where God is the very definition. He is perfect. His love is unconditional. He is a God who has all things and yet still He wants us. He sent His one and only Son...His perfect son...to die for us with the desire to bridge the gap between our hearts and His. He loves us so much that He went beyond the conceivable to provide a way for us to share an eternity with Him.
That is REAL love.
Where once there were no worries, now lie constant anxieties. Where once there were no regrets, are bottled up apologies. And yet...my God refuses to give up on me. He has brought me to this place, at this point in time, with the right people, the right scripture, and the right heart to begin to chip away at the "once was" and rebuild a solid, joy-filled foundation.
This reflection stems from a variety of emotions that have welled up today. God continues to stoke the fire that once burned so brightly for Him in my heart. He knows I've been in a dark place for far too long and, as I imagine and believe Him to be, He is jumping up and down, yelling my name, waving a flag of victory...I am slowly realizing what it means to let go of the past and embrace the goodness of God.
I've found several motivators over the last few months. The first is that of the Dennis Family. Their story of love and loss continues to move my soul. I have cried with them, laughed with them, and prayed for them...and yet the likelihood of us ever meeting face to face is slim. I was introduced to their story and need for prayer through a mutual friend. They recently lost their newborn to a rare disease. To see their passion throughout their pregnancy, their brave stance in continuing on with their pregnancy even after the diagnosis, and their continuous praise through the loss of their daughter has touched my heart in a way I can't explain. While we are strangers, I consider it a blessing to be aware of their situation and to pray for them as my brother and sister in Christ. I encourage you to read their amazing story.
The other is that of my new Bible study. The book that goes along with the study came in today. I've only had time to read through part of the first chapter but I am already enthralled. She battled some of the same thoughts and questions that I have found myself pondering in the past. She too struggled to embrace the goodness of God. She, while fighting her own demons, also held her hands closed to the mercy, grace and healing that can only be given by our Savior. She reminds me that all that I have dealt with...all that my heart has grieved and rejoiced in...all of my doubts and fears...all of these things are what makes me human.
As I work through my humanity and earthly meanderings, I continue to reflect on and list the gifts that God has given me. One challenge posed to me by another friend was the author's most recent gift list challenge.
I hope you'll join me in this month's gift list. It's amazing how many things we have been taking for granted without giving a second thought as to where our blessing has come from.
I'd like to leave you with my "3 Gifts Orange":
-The Sunrise-it reminds me that His mercies are new every morning
-Pumpkin Bread-my mom has made pumpkin bread this time of year for as long as I can remember. The smell and taste always takes me back to the days of catching fireflies. -Sweet Potatoes-While I enjoy them as chips or fries, I count them today because of the joy they bring my little girl. They have become one of her favorite foods and to see her light up with each little bite makes this Mommy's heart sing.
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