The first of many finish lines...

While my 5k training is greatly slacking, I feel quite accomplished to have successfully completed this first week of school. I always forget just how difficult the first week can be. My darlings are becoming very comfortable very quickly. This poses all sorts of challenges, but it does allow me to see more of their personalities.

It was so nice to pick up G at the end of this day and see her beautiful smile. It melts my heart every time. We were able to spend some special mom and baby time with C at work tonight. These moments are so special to me. A while back I was given "If I Could Keep You Little" by Marianne Richmond, as a gift. I got super teary the first time I read it and G wasn't even here yet. I picked up those precious pages and read them to G before bed. I was determined to keep the waterworks to a minimum so that G would stay comfy through the remainder of the book. I then fed her and rocked for a bit. It is always so hard to lay her down for the night. I could rock her always.

If I could keep you little,
I'd keep you close to me. But then I'd miss you growing
into who you're meant to be!

 

 

I'm looking forward to C being home tomorrow. Our family time is truly a treasure. We have a few errands to run and then hopefully we'll get in some much needed r&r. At some point I plan to get a freezer meal plan together so that come September I can do some major cooking that will save me time this fall/winter. I've also GOT to get going on my 5k training. At this point I may just be power walking the whole thing. Right now the goal is to finish :) I miss being more in shape. I miss feeling (semi)comfortable in my skin. I've got to do some work physically and mentally so that I don't pass these insecurities onto my daughter. She will face enough as she gets older. I want her to love herself and see herself the way God sees her. He has made her in His image and I want her to be confident and secure in all that He has done...now if only I could take my wishes for her and live them out myself. One day at a time...

Time Trials

So today's theme has been all "time" related. It began with my alarm not going off. I woke up 30 minutes late thanks to my internal clock. My phone was plugged in, or so I thought...apparently it only had the appearance and instead of charging, the battery life was depleted and my phone died. Thankfully, I did wake up. I rushed through a shower knowing that I only had about 30 minutes before G would be waking up. I was dressed and had my hair done by the time she woke up. I fed her and enjoyed what was left of my morning with her. We got to the babysitter and I was out the door on my way to school. I managed to get my makeup on and felt a little bit better as the calm of my empty classroom took hold. This, too, was all too short. Our bell system is broken so somewhere around 8:45a the students started pouring in.

We are attempting a new schedule this year. I love how it looks on paper and so far it is working pretty well. With the exception of forgetting recess on the first day, I'd say the new routine has been pretty successful. The hours passed on and before I knew it,  my students were gone and remnants of the day stared back at me...cracker crumbs here, broken crayons there, lead-less pencils in the "sharpened basket" and a mound of papers to be filed...I texted my hubby and asked that he pick up the baby this afternoon. About an hour later, my room was much better off and I could see my desk calendar.

After stopping by the store, I got home in time to make a late dinner. My hubby had the grill going so I could throw on the bratwursts. I was feeling good. The meat was on the grill, the macaroni noodles were boiling away and my baby was sitting pretty with her daddy. I could not help but spend some precious moments talking with her and doing whatever it took to make her smile.

What seemed like seconds later (but was really MUCH longer) my husband reminded me about dinner. By this time I had the baby so he went to pull the links off the grill and finish the macaroni and cheese. Moments later he came into the living room with a look of defeat. I had let the bratwursts burn and the noodles were without water...I have not messed up a meal like this in...well...gosh...I can't remember when. I take so much pride in even the simplest of meals. It quickly became evident that my hormones are still on the fritz. I started to cry with the feelings of defeat and exhaustion. I have been running full force this week and it was at that moment that it all hit. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!

I'm also dealing with the fact that my baby girl will be 4 months old on Monday. While rocking her to sleep tonight, I kept going back to the day of her birth. While my time in the delivery room was quick and not typical of a first time mom, the moments are burned in my memory. I can still see the exact moment when they placed that beautiful baby girl on my chest. I remember my thoughts ("It's over! I'm a mom! Oh my word, she looks just like her dad!). I had 4 hours of "active labor" although I would only consider the last hour to be truly active. I pushed for about 7 minutes and at 1:33a the next morning, our lives were changed forever.

I think of the extra days in the hospital. I think of the every hour and half feedings for the first 3 weeks. I think of the 2 months I was able to nurse before my supply depleted (thanks to my PCOS). I think of the  3 1/2 months I was blessed to be able to stay home with her. I think of the precious hours I miss with her while I am working to help support our family. I think of the priceless, quiet hours of the morning and evening that I get to spend with her. I am in awe of the fact that our baby girl has been in our lives for 13 months and in our arms for almost 4 of those.

My heart is often heavy these days as I glance at her picture every chance I get, but my soul rejoices in every memory that I am able to share with her. I thank God for her throughout the day. I've never prayed for someone the way I pray for our child. There is something about the bond between a mother and her child that only the Lord can understand.

Time changes things...we are forever being altered by circumstances, both big and small, joyous and heartbreaking. I think the most comforting thing about the changes that time brings is the fact that God remains constant and present through them all. He never changes. He is forever present and forever working all things for the good of those who love Him.

"And we  know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

 

Romans 8:28

 

Just for Fun

Here is a picture of the sign given to us by my best friend for G's room. This has been a verse held close to both of us and represents various times in our friendship and in our lives. I treasure what this verse means for me and for my daughter's future.

 

 

We also have a life verse for G. We plan to have one to dedicate to each of our children. Here is the one that came to our hearts for our first born.

 

"For this child I have prayed and the Lord has given me the desire of my heart."

1 Samuel 1:27



First Day Flops...

Well, this school year has officially begun. The students returned today in full force. It's amazing how the school year transitions. Just three months ago we were saying farewell to a group of soon to be second graders. I had the honor of teaching them and watching them grow and (somewhat) mature over the course of the year. The cycle has come full circle as I now greet my fresh out of kindergarten class. It's amazing what a few months of structure and academic/social growth can do...I look forward to watching them blossom.

This morning went pretty smoothly all things considered. G became sick yesterday and had a low grade temperature last night when I laid her down. She woke up with her fever gone, but she had gained some new symptoms. Fortunately, my husband was able to stay home with her today. This morning was probably the hardest I've had since returning to work. It was almost impossible to bear the thought of leaving my sick little one at home. My heart ached to snuggle her all day long. I'm pretty proud of myself for not breaking down.

My husband called to say that he contacted the pediatrician and was able to put my mind at ease. The doctor has instructed us to keep an eye on her fever, should it come back, and just ensure that she is getting plenty of sleep and plenty of fluids. For now we just watch and wait. She's not 100% but she's still a happy little baby. She truly lights up my world.

After arriving at school, I quickly finished a few last minute things. My day was initially thrown off because our school bell is currently broken. The kids began coming in without any warning and I scrambled to make sure I was able to greet them and direct them through their morning duties. The majority of the morning was filled with procedures, practice, and "getting to know you" activities. We went over their schedule and things that they can expect throughout the week. As lunch time drew near, one of my students asked how much longer we had until lunch. I responded and continued to teach. A few seconds later, the same student said, "aren't we supposed to have recess before lunch?" AHHH!!! He was SO right! I had been completely caught up in what we were doing that I had forgotten about recess! In my defense, we have a new schedule this year. In the past, our recess has always been after lunch. This is clearly going to take some getting used to. Fortunately, we were able to go out with Kindergarten after lunch. Everyone was very forgiving.

This year will pose a lot of new changes...everything from administration changes to classroom routine. I look forward to many of these changes and I feel completely at peace about what lies ahead for me this year. I am finally starting to feel confident in my ability to do what God has called me to do and I look forward to serving Him in this way.

This year is also going to pose some new challenges. With a new group of students there are always things to work out and work on. This year will be no exception. I just continue to pray over my students and I sincerely hope that all interactions, whether students, parents, or staff, are meaningful and productive.

I've yet to get back to my 5k training (::hanging head in shame::) and with the exhaustion that I felt upon coming home today, the near future is not looking too promising. By the time I get home all I want to do is snuggle with the baby that I have missed so much all day long. You combine that with minor housework, dinner, bath, baby bedtime, etc. and the day is gone. I'm not sure how to find a balance...so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.

Speaking of bedtime, the morning will come far too quickly. Day 1 is done...mentally preparing for Day 2. The first week is always the hardest...

Camera in the Kitchen

Today was a rather successful "me" kind of day. G slept in until about 6a and then remained pretty content this morning. My hubby came home later in the morning and graciously took over with G so that I could do some things around the house. I was able to clean the bathroom, experiment with a new cupcake icing, and make a much desired homemade pizza. It's funny how these things would have been nothing special to accomplish before G was born, and now, these things are considered true accomplishments.

I thought I'd share a couple of the things I did today in detail (don't worry, cleaning the bathroom will not be included).

I'll begin with the cupcakes. I made my personal double chocolate cupcakes.

While they were cooling, I began work on the Salted Caramel Icing. I combined the ingredients into my sauce pan and brought them to a boil. After 2 minutes, the sauce was off the heat and cooling.

I then poured the salted caramel sauce into my mixing bowl. I added the powdered sugar. The only issue is that it needed to be thinned out a bit more...as the caramel continued to cool, the icing became thicker. I'll remember this for next time.

 

I then iced my cupcakes and added a chocolate drizzle. Generally, my cupcakes look much prettier. Due to time constraints and the thickness of the icing, I just spread it on. I would call this "rustic". I've learned over my years of cooking/baking that anything that does not turn out perfectly can be called rustic and I no longer have to feel bad about the appearance :) These cupcakes made their way to the fire department with my husband tonight. I commend them for all of their hard work. Sending in some cupcakes is the least I can do for all they do for others.

 

 

Once the cupcakes were done, I began working on what I would consider to be one of my favorite forms of comfort food. My mom made this particular homemade pizza when I was growing up. She made it for us a couple weeks ago when we were home and it just brought back that feeling of being a kid. My husband really enjoyed it and even requested it. While pizza is my favorite food, he only wants it on occasion, so it was kind of a big deal. While this pizza is nothing flashy, it does wonders for the heart and soul.

 

I began by browning my sausage. 

 While the sausage cooled, I began making the dough by combing the following: 1 cup of luke warm water, 1 package of fast rising yeast and two cups of flour (you will also need more flour to better handle it). The nice thing about this recipe is that you can use whole wheat flour or a combo for your dough and of course the topping selection is endless.

 I then kneaded my dough and formed my crust on a 9x13 baking sheet.

 My mom does not use pizza sauce in this recipe. Instead she uses a simple tomato sauce, which gives it the flavor that takes me back to childhood.

 I then added a thin layer of cheese and topped it with my sausage.

 

 I covered the sausage with the remaining cheese and baked it at 350 for about 35 minutes. The key is to bake it until your cheese is just staring to get that golden brown color. Enjoy!

 

I'm opting out of any lengthy thoughts tonight. I am just rejoicing in this day and the things that I was able to do. I have such a love of baking and cooking and to be able to do that and share it with others is more than enough.

 

 

Just for Fun

 

G and her daddy taking an afternoon nap before he had to leave for work.

Haunted by Habits

Another school year is upon us. In just a couple of short days my students will arrive in all their glory, supplies in hand, hope in their hearts, and big ideas in their heads. It's hard to believe the time has arrived to begin again. I've spent everyday working on my classroom this week. My lesson plans are complete, activities are compiled and copies are made. I've arranged my room, the decorations are up, and the calendar marks upcoming birthdays...and the first day hasn't even begun. I've set a few goals in hope that this year will flow smoothly. I'm ahead in my lesson planning and I plan to keep this up so that I can leave once my students have gotten on their buses. I do not want to stay any longer after the day is done. I'm also determined to keep a clean, organized desk. Unfortunately, walking out of my room today, I glanced back only to see that it is beginning to look like it did last year...cluttered with multiple piles of papers that I'll have to sift through in order to find what I want. This is not how I want to start or spend my year. First thing Monday morning I will clear my desk of any items that do not belong...and hopefully keep it that way. Some habits are hard to break.

Speaking of those haunting habits...I started out so strong with my exercise routine. It went by the wayside while on vacation and I've yet to really pick it back up. I have done much better with eating healthier again, but I won't see promising results until I get myself back in action. I've got to find a way to balance what I need to do for myself and yet ensure that I am spending quality time with my family and meeting both my home and work obligations. I have a lot on my plate and the sad thing is that I've put several things on the back burner so as not to burn myself out. For instance, I used to be very active with our church youth group. Since the end of my pregnancy and then the birth of my daughter, I have not been involved. It really  makes me sad and rather disappointed in myself. I'm sure they don't even realize I'm gone anymore. I've just really struggled getting back into the swing of things. The plan is that on the Wednesday nights that my hubby is home, I'll be with the youth group. We want her to be with one of us after being with the sitter all day. Besides that, Wednesday night services begin right around her fussy time. It's just best if she is home. Unfortunately, C's schedule has not allowed me to return as of yet. Hopefully I'll be able to go this coming Wednesday.

This weekend will hopefully be relaxing. My hubby will be home tomorrow. We may be heading to a cookout tomorrow evening. Otherwise, we have no plans, which is always nice. I hope to just spend the day with my darling family before work goes into full swing. Sunday will consist of church and then some much desired mommy and baby time. I must say, this week has gone much better than expected. G has transitioned very well into going to the sitter. We have established a really good routine up to this point and I hope it continues. This next week will pose its own difficulties and new transitions when  things really get rolling. Hopefully it will go just as smoothly.

I'm still working out how to balance my emotions with reality. There are many days when I wish I lived closer to "civilization". There are many reasons why I hope God will allow us to make a slight change in scenery...until then, I just try to remember to be grateful. I recently finished my devotion series on prayer. I continue to try to keep prayer intentional and an open, ongoing conversation with my Savior. I was able to begin a new devotional this week. It is called Holy Emotions-Biblical Responses to Every Challenge. It is very appropriate for this particular season in my life. One of the most significant truths that I have been reminded of came from yesterday's reading: "One of the most practical instances of where we choose God or choose self is in our emotional preferences and habits. You must give up your right to whine and pout and then wholeheartedly embrace the plan of God for your life, which is found in the fruit of the Spirit. You  were created for good works and not for the works of the flesh or for the opinions of your emotions." In a nutshell...to live for Christ I must choose to accept what God has for me. I need to WANT what God has for me and get past the "opinions of my emotions". This type of action does not happen instantly, nor does it happen once and all is well...it is an intentional, continual challenge...and because of who my God is, I know it will be well worth the effort.

Just for Fun

Our beautiful little girl melts my heart everyday with something new. She turned 16 weeks today and is becoming such a "big girl".

Ecclesiastes

Time flies...it seems like yesterday that I was holding G in my arms for the first time and now, 3 1/2 months later, it's the time of year when summer ends and school begins. We have encountered many changes over the last year and I know that there are still more to come...I've had mixed emotions about a lot of things lately and as I try to sort through my thoughts and feelings, several verses come to mind. As I reflected on them, it was rather amazing, but not necessarily surprising that I am going through or have recently gone through many of the times that God knew we'd have.

 

 For everything there is a season,
  a time for every activity under heaven.
  A time to be born and a time to die.
  A time to plant and a time to harvest.
 A time to kill and a time to heal.
  A time to tear down and a time to build up.
 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
  A time to grieve and a time to dance.
 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
  A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
  A time to keep and a time to throw away.
 A time to tear and a time to mend.
  A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
 A time to love and a time to hate.
  A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 

Just some examples that correlate with the above verses: G was born 10 days after the one year anniversary of my father's passing. We have been working on making our house a home and doing little things to improve it, all the while praying for the day when we can move and build our own house. Over just the last few days I've had plenty of moments with tears and lots of laughter as well...I could easily go on but I'll spare you.

 

While driving home today I realized that I'm kind of in a slump...a rut...or whatever you want to call it. I've really slacked on my 5k training (even though I'm eating much better) and work has consumed my life the last couple of weeks. I think about all the time I'm missing with her which makes me miss her all the more. I also miss hanging out with friends like I used to, but it has become so difficult with everyone so far away. While we have a beautiful view, our location does very little for our social lives. Unfortunately, my hubby insists that we stay in the vicinity of "the middle of no where". While I have to occasionally pout and then get over this reality, I try to remain thankful for all that we have. I'm just really missing true social interaction. I would love to be more involved with something but between work and a new little one, there isn't much time...and yet God's word clearly says there is a time for EVERY activity under the heaven. I'm given the same 24 hours in a day as everyone else...and just when I think I've found a balance, something goes awry. I'm reminded constantly that my life is filled with wonderful, beautiful things...so until God moves or moves me, I'll count my blessings...

 

 

Finishing Touches

My classroom is coming along. I still have a good bit to do to prepare for Open House Thursday night and for next week. I'm working on the finishing touches in my room and I'm very pleased with how it's coming along. I left pretty exhausted both physically and mentally. I'm putting in a lot of effort to get things together. It's like this every year. I put in all these hours in hope that my new students will be super excited to begin their first grade year. Generally my hard work pays off. I love what I do, but the best part of my day however is going home :)

I love nights like this. The rain is pattering softly on the windows, the room smells of fresh laundry, and the dishes are done. I've been able to spend most of the evening with G and my hubby. It has been such a peaceful and restful time. It seems to help that I have been prepping things for the next night's meal. It eliminates extra time getting dinner ready which means extra time with my baby and husband.

I just adore bath time with my daughter. She smiles and kicks her feet in the water. She coos as we practice her bicycle moves. Something about the water just brings joy to her little face. She seems to have a thing for water. She fell for the beluga whales at the Georgia Aquarium. She was very intrigued by the sharks on Discovery...maybe there will be something to this as she grows up. I know it is super early but as we've been discussing in Sunday School, we need to stay aware of our children's interests and strengths so that we can encourage them in future endeavors.

My husband took the task of putting G to bed tonight. I must say it is one of my favorite parts of the day but with him working tomorrow, and possibly for the next 72 hours, he needs to get in his special time with her as well. I am so blessed to have a husband that desires to be an invested father. I love how he loves her. She lights up when she sees his face and it just melts my heart.

We continue to work out our new routine this week. This too will come together and all will be well. I'm grateful that God has given me peace with the changes that have been occurring in my life. Without His constant presence in these situations, I'd be a hot mess. Thankfully He knows my heart...

 

1 Peter 1:2

God the Father knew you and chose you long ago, and his Spirit has made you holy. As a result, you have obeyed him and have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ.
  May God give you more and more grace and peace.

 



Just for Fun

 

G and daddy just love to read!