In the Sweet By and By

I. Love. Jesus.

My heart has been shedding its winter coat and warming up to the true and perfect love of Jesus. As a little girl I took Him at His word. I never questioned life and its trials. I simply lived knowing that God was BIG and had everything under control. As I grew older, my childlike faith began to wane and my "adult brain" began to question the things around me. How could a BIG, LOVING God allow so much heartache? How could He be working all things for good when my heart breaks? How is it possible that He could love someone so completely imperfect as me?

The Truth lies in His complete and perfect love.

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. 1 John 3:16

As an imperfect people, wading through this world of sin, it's understandable how we can't fully grasp the extent to which God loves us. We've never known perfection. We've never known unconditional love...and yet, this is where God is the very definition. He is perfect. His love is unconditional. He is a God who has all things and yet still He wants us. He sent His one and only Son...His perfect son...to die for us with the desire to bridge the gap between our hearts and His. He loves us so much that He went beyond the conceivable to provide a way for us to share an eternity with Him.

That is REAL love.

Where once there were no worries, now lie constant anxieties. Where once there were no regrets, are bottled up apologies. And yet...my God refuses to give up on me. He has brought me to this place, at this point in time, with the right people, the right scripture, and the right heart to begin to chip away at the "once was" and rebuild a solid, joy-filled foundation.

This reflection stems from a variety of emotions that have welled up today. God continues to stoke the fire that once burned so brightly for Him in my heart. He knows I've been in a dark place for far too long and, as I imagine and believe Him to be, He is jumping up and down, yelling my name, waving a flag of victory...I am slowly realizing what it means to let go of the past and embrace the goodness of God.

I've found several motivators over the last few months. The first is that of the Dennis Family. Their story of love and loss continues to move my soul. I have cried with them, laughed with them, and prayed for them...and yet the likelihood of us ever meeting face to face is slim. I was introduced to their story and need for prayer through a mutual friend. They recently lost their newborn to a rare disease. To see their passion throughout their pregnancy, their brave stance in continuing on with their pregnancy even after the diagnosis, and their continuous praise through the loss of their daughter has touched my heart in a way I can't explain. While we are strangers, I consider it a blessing to be aware of their situation and to pray for them as my brother and sister in Christ. I encourage you to read their amazing story.

The other is that of my new Bible study. The book that goes along with the study came in today. I've only had time to read through part of the first chapter but I am already enthralled. She battled some of the same thoughts and questions that I have found myself pondering in the past. She too struggled to embrace the goodness of God. She, while fighting her own demons, also held her hands closed to the mercy, grace and healing that can only be given by our Savior. She reminds me that all that I have dealt with...all that my heart has grieved and rejoiced in...all of my doubts and fears...all of these things are what makes me human.

As I work through my humanity and earthly meanderings, I continue to reflect on and list the gifts that God has given me. One challenge posed to me by another friend was the author's most recent gift list challenge.

I hope you'll join me in this month's gift list. It's amazing how many things we have been taking for granted without giving a second thought as to where our blessing has come from.

I'd like to leave you with my "3 Gifts Orange":   
-The Sunrise-it reminds me that His mercies are new every morning
-Pumpkin Bread-my mom has made pumpkin bread this time of year for as long as I can remember. The smell and taste always takes me back to the days of catching fireflies.
-Sweet Potatoes-While I enjoy them as chips or fries, I count them today because of the joy they bring my little girl. They have become one of her favorite foods and to see her light up with each little bite makes this Mommy's heart sing.

Manic Monday

Synonyms for manic: frenzied, agitated, frantic...my day.

Mondays usually come with a certain level of disruption, simply because the weekend has broken up the usual structure. It is amazing how two days out of routine can alter what was running so smoothly. This was one of those days.

G woke up in the midst of me getting ready, which always seems to make the mornings a bit more hectic...not bad, just not as simple. I was then preparing to leave and could not find my wallet. After an extended period of searching by both my husband and I, my wallet was located. Funny how things are always the last place you look.

I got G dropped off at the sitter and headed to work. I could not believe how quickly the time went. I was in the middle of preparing their reading homework, and I could have swore that I still had 45 minutes the last time I looked at the clock. While preparing their work, the morning bell rang without warning. Of course this slowed down my progress as I had to tend to morning matters.

I finally got things going and my students settled. We went through our regular morning routine and then began a writing craftivity. I looked at the clock and saw that it was time for their usual bathroom break. I went out into the hall with my students and saw the other first grade classes lining up for recess. What just happened?! We totally worked through what was supposed to be our math block! How did I mess this up?! I was all out of sorts. I got my students out for recess and attempted to collect my thoughts. While we were being productive, our whole schedule had to be revised to get math in today. ::sigh::

I walked off without my lunch. The copy machine was constantly being used or was jamming, which made it virtually impossible for me to be productive in that respect...and yet, in the midst of it all, I found myself looking at this crazy day in a different way. I was able to see the good things. I was able to recognize various needs around me. I was able to share moments of joy with my co-workers.

Today I chose joy.

The realization that joy is a choice is becoming more and more evident with each passing day. While joy is embedded in our very beings as children of God, it is still our choice to embrace it. Moment by moment I have to make a conscious decision to tap into the joy that waits patiently to surface.

Have you ever had the kind of God moment where you are so overcome with joyful emotions that words serve little purpose? Words cannot begin to explain the amount of emotion that is welling up from your soul and overflowing in your heart. If you have not experienced the true joy of knowing Christ, it may be time to change your perspective. God truly works all things for good. This truth, while it does not eliminate the hard times or the pain induced tears, serves to ease the sting. It is meant to comfort. It is meant to help us consider all things joy. I know I've probably been redundant over the last few posts, but I cannot help but continue to share how God is working in my heart, changing my perspective, and reviving my soul. My hope is that you will join me in this rediscovery of this God gifted joy...

Just for Fun

G had her first round of sweet potatoes this evening. She's a fan!

Color Me Fall

It has been a wonderful weekend! Fall is in the air...the leaves are beginning to change...traditions are in full swing.

For the last several years, some very close friends of ours join us at a local orchard to celebrate all things fall. Some of our favorite items on this excursion are the freshly picked apples, apple cider, and of course, the apple cider doughnuts. They are sinfully delicious!

We also enjoy wandering through the pumpkin patch, taking family photos and enjoying the beautiful view. This trip always brings us back to the heart of our friendship and families. This year was especially delightful because both of our children were present and able to enjoy some of the sights and sounds of the season. E was only a few months old last year and enjoyed napping during the festivities. G was not here yet...I was only a few months along.

This year, E was up and about and enjoying every second! G was awake most of the day and took in the sights. We're so blessed to be able to share these times with our families and to expose our children to some of God's most wonderful gifts.

As the weekend winds down and a new work week lurks in the not so distant future, I can't help but cling to memories like the ones we made today. Our babies grow too quickly and the seasons change without hesitation. So many times I have wished that I could slow things down...eliminate the rush. Until the unlikely event that this occurs, I'll continue to embrace each moment and tuck it away.

As the Lord continues to open my heart and mind to His will through the rekindling of my joy and thanksgiving, I will strive to keep centered on His goodness and the precious gifts He has granted me. I encourage you to also slow down, take inventory of the amazing blessings that fill your life, and be thankful. Be joyful.

Five on Friday

It's that time again! I'm linking up with The Good Life for Five on Friday.


[one]
SeE YOu aT THe POlE 2014


SYATP was truly the highlight of my week. I can't express how my heart sang to see the little faces of some of our elementary students that were brought with their parents to pray for our school, teachers, students, school board, superintendent, principal, country, etc. I was overwhelmed with such humility as I heard parents praying for their children and for us, their children's teachers. I've never thought about the fact that there are parents and grandparents praying for God's protection over, provision for, and the blessing of our students, faculty and staff.

[two]
FrUItS aNd VeGgieS



I've loved making homemade yummies for G. I love to see her facial expression with each new fruit or vegetable. Our little one loves mangoes and I was fortunate to find some on sale at our local grocery store this week. I'm keeping an eye out for some more. I want to get plenty in the freezer before they become super expensive as the winter months draw near. I've also picked up a few new items to try out over the coming days. Thus far, G is not a fan of green beans but loves mangoes, carrots, and bananas. Her palate will soon be exposed to new foods such as plums, sweet potatoes, squash and pears.



[three]
pReTTy iN PuRPle
I am very pleased to announce that I accomplished this month's DIY project. I was determined to make G my own rendition of a simple peasant dress. I'd say it was a success!

 

 

[four]

GRirLs' NiGHt oUt

 

I'm am so blessed to work with an amazing first grade team. To make my job that much sweeter, these two amazing women love the Lord, love G, and are two of my most precious friends. Who wouldn't love to work with true friends each and everyday? We've set aside the last Friday of each month to take some time for us outside of school. I am so grateful to have these two women in my life as colleagues and friends.

[five]
oNE tHouSAnD GiFTs

I've been faithfully recording the gifts God has given each morning during the quiet moments between feeding G and leaving for work. I reflect on the day before and the things that God brings light. I find myself laughing more and stressing less. I catch myself smiling. I catch myself singing (which I used to do all the time, but at some point let that area of my joy and worship fade). I can already see small changes in my appreciation of the extraordinarily simple things in life.

 

This weekend holds a lot of promise. I look forward to time with friends and catching up with my hubby who has worked many long hours this week. As my favorite season begins to settle in, I can't help but rejoice in all that is and is yet to come.

 

 

"Blessed are those whose strength is in You, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage...Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere..."
Psalm 84: 5, 10a

Eucharisteo: Grace, Thanksgiving, Joy

 

Sunday was the beginning of a new venture in my walk of faith. We began the One Thousand Gifts study. In this study we are challenged to live a life of "eucharisteo". This simply, and yet beautifully, means to live a life with thanksgiving, grace, and joy. We are called to live everyday with intentional thanksgiving. We are to open our hands to God's grace. We are to count all things joy.

I began my list of one thousand gifts this evening. I'm up to 5. I found it difficult to put my pen down. I could easily write down the things for which I am sincerely thankful for hours. I had to remind myself that this journey has just begun and I need to pace myself. With this new outlook and in an attempt to live purposefully, I've caught myself smiling more. I took notice of the moments I laughed during the day. I could not help but recognize the subtle changes that have already begun to occur. God is moving. He is causing change. I am open to this transformation.

Today I took time to review my 30 by 30 list. Slow progress is still progress.

1. Host a Brunch Party

2. Begin (and finish?) building our "forever" home
 

3. Hike to a waterfall

4. Lose 30 pounds
5. Make G a big sister

6. Take a family trip to Washington D.C.

7. Make a pair of shoes

8. Visit a lighthouse

9. Go to the South Carolina Aquarium

10. Take a family trip to the North Carolina Zoo

11. Make a pecan pie

12. Send a card to a stranger

13. Make a photo book of G’s first year

14. Take a cooking class

15. Make homemade truffles

16. Plant a tree

17. Serve at a soup kitchen

18. Make a holiday wreath

19. Teach a kids’ cooking class

20. Take a girls’ trip with my mom, daughter and sisters

21. Learn to crochet

22. Take a carriage ride

23. Make real homemade alfredo sauce

24. Make homemade ravioli

26. Pay for a stranger’s meal

27. Learn to French Braid

28. Be in a parade

29. Read 100 books with/to my daughter

30. Buy new living room furniture

 With the holidays quickly approaching, I hope to knock out a couple more before the year is out. I've also been eyeing the do-it-yourself projects that I have set as goals to complete for each month through December.

This month's project (which I'm cutting it close) is to complete a peasant dress for G. I began this project tonight. I'm having to do a little at a time between work and taking care of G in the evenings. Between G's bedtime and quality time with my hubby, I was able to at least get the fabric cut. Hopefully sewing will commence tomorrow evening.

 

Just for Fun

G has been really getting busy these days. She's rolled over a few times, is eating "solid" food, has found her toes, and considers her spoon a chew toy. I just adore this baby!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Green beans and Jehoshaphat

"Jumping Jehoshaphat" has taken on a new meaning over the last couple of days. He has been the central character in my daily devotions this weekend and he was a key example in today's Bible Study. While I have no plans of putting his name on our list of names for future babies, I have developed a real reverence for him as a person and not just a phrase of exclamation.

These last few days have centered around reclaiming my joy. Joy comes from an eternal relationship with Christ. The moment you ask Christ into your heart, a seed of joy burrows deep into your soul. It takes root and forms a permanent stronghold in your heart. I was elated at what I discovered as we began our new Bible Study in Sunday School today. It is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

Today, our study began with looking at what is at the root of our fears and sorrows. What are we clinging to so tightly that our hands will not open to accept the grace and overflowing mercy of God? What are we staring at in our past that does not allow us to look ahead to our future? Are we complacent? Are we stagnant? As I began to examine my own heart, I realized that there are some things that I am gripping so tightly that my hands are unable to release and welcome in the presence and healing of God. While I wallow in anxiety and the occasional emotional chaos, I find that I have become comfortable here. While I know it is not healthy, neither from a spiritual or physical sense, I have become so accustomed to these emotions and my sense of being that I have lost focus on my Maker. He has designed a beautiful and perfect plan...but He didn't stop with just the design. No. He continues to bring it to fruition. I became acutely aware of just how much I need to release the ties that bind and open my hands to the blessings of God. I need to raise my hands and catch the grace and mercy that He showers over me in abundance. I need to live a life of thanksgiving, of prayer, and joy.

Our challenge for this week is to begin our One Thousand Gifts list. We'll begin by writing down the first thing we see or think of each morning when we wake. The point is to put our thankfulness in perspective. I can't wait to begin!

Okay. Back to Jehoshaphat...he was faced with a waging war. While this was in the literal sense for him, we all face "wars" of our own, each and every day. Did he shudder in the darkness and silence? No. He thanked God with a grateful heart. He went to God first. He settled his heart on God's promises and Truth.

"If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we wills stand in Your presence before this temple that bears Your Name and will cry out to You in our distress, and you will hear us and save us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

2 Chronicles 20:9 and 12b.  

The last part of this scripture is what resonated with me then and continues even now this evening: our eyes are on You. Time to take off the rose tinted glasses and stare straight into the heavens and seek directly the will and heart of God.

As I prepare to head to bed, my heart and head are reeling with ways in which I can already see and feel God working...

Just for Fun
We introduced G to green beans tonight...while they are far from her favorite at this point, she tolerated them and ate about half of her serving.

Cooking Up (and In) a Storm

My day began at 4:30 this morning. G decided she just could not wait to start the day. My hubby left for work and G and I took solace in the quiet moments of the morning. The rain pattered gently outside and the cool breeze rustled the shades. G's scripture for the day was totally appropriate:

 

"Be still and know that I am God..." Ps. 46:10a



G watching Mommy make baby food

Around 6:00 she went down for a nap. I took advantage of the time and grabbed a shower and some breakfast. She woke up about 7:00 and rocked with me for a while. These moments are always so special. Around 9:00 we left the house to run some errands. I picked up some contrasting fabric for G's peasant dress...I hope to get this done in the next week or so...if you remember a couple posts back, I had this dress listed on my September to-do list. Hopefully I'll be able to post about it soon. We then headed to the grocery store to pick up some fresh produce for G's first experiences with "real" food. I picked up butternut squash (which I do not like but hope she will), a mango, pears, carrots, green beans, bananas, and peas.

Once we got home, I got busy. I was able to get the green beans, mango, and bananas made today. I had peas but I accidentally added to much liquid. Major flop...will try again.

 

 Tonight G had her first taste of bananas...and loved them!

I'll attempt the remaining fruit and veggies later. I love being able to do this for her. I've struggled on and off since I had to stop nursing. I felt very inadequate when my milk supply dried up and I was constantly bombarded with "breast is best" notions and billboards calling nursing moms "Super Moms". While I am completely pro nursing, I just could not do it any more. After 2 months my supply dried up and I had no choice but to go to formula. I don't think G will be any less for not having a "super mom". Fortunately my pediatrician was extremely supportive and hopefully I'll have better luck with our next baby. I'm doing the best with what I have...and I personally think I rock at this baby food thing haha. I've also been reading up on the Baby Led Weaning philosophy/practice. Not sure if I'm all in at the 6 month point but it has its merit. Any thoughts?

Since G had a yummy "dinner" I thought I'd try something new for myself. I opted for Philly Cheese Steak Stuffed Peppers. Yum!!! These will definitely be made again.

I suppose I should head to bed considering G has been waking up earlier than usual over the past few days. Tomorrow will hold wonderful fellowship with our friends and church family and then hopefully and afternoon of rest (and laundry). Have a great weekend!